rkm86 Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Good morning! I (27/M) was dating a (32/F) single mom with a 2 yo daughter for almost three months. She broke up with me on Friday after inviting me over to her apartment for dinner. I was somewhat blindsided by this despite having some doubts leading up to the breakup. There were times in our relationship where she seemed distant through texting and there were issues with her ex-husband wanting to move away without seeing their daughter again. He had quit his job in an attempt to see their daughter more, but he was unreliable and did not put in effort to make plans to see her. He also stopped paying child support. We spent a lot of time together and for the first month she did a lot of the initiating. Eventually it transitioned to more 50/50. I met her parents on several occasions and she had just met my parents last Saturday. She liked them and they liked her. On Sunday she took her daughter fishing for the first time and was sending me lots of pictures over text. She invited me over for pizza on Monday. I spent a lot of time at her apartment since she had her daughter to care for. We had a lot of sex at her place which I always initiated. She never seemed hesitant. Everything seemed fine up until Thursday. She seemed quiet through text and stopped responding mid day. I did not blow up her phone or even send a follow up text until Friday afternoon. She responded to my text on Friday and asked if I wanted to come over. I obliged and this was the night she broke up with me. She said that she wasn't feeling a deep connection and she was no longer eager or excited to see me. I asked her if I did something wrong; was I too affectionate, too available, etc. She would just shake her head no. She said I was a really great guy and was great with her daughter. We have not spoken since the breakup. I'm trying to shed some light on where things went wrong. I have so many questions to ask her now. I am seeking insight on this and would be happy to answer any questions that would help make the picture a bit more clear. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 In my experience, the 3 month mark is quite common for someone to feel like they're just not feeling it. Can you accept that there might not be anything that "went wrong," but simply that she was just no longer "eager or excited" to see you, as you say? I think this happens around the 6 or 7 month mark, too. 5
meta.morphate Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 How long was she single before she got into a relationship with you? It sounds to me like maybe there are some unresolved issues with her ex, or someone else, but from what you've written, it doesn't seem like it necessarily has anything to do with you. I think its good that she at least gave you the explanation that she did - not feeling excited anymore - and you should accept that as her legitimate reason. Maybe she just wants to be single - maybe after being in a marriage, etc, she's not looking for a committed relationship, and she wants the excitement of the single life. Overall, doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, nor did she. I don't see any major red flags. 2
Chilli Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Yep ,afraid she's already told ya what the problem was. Sorry man but if she's not feeling it she's not feeling it , it's pretty cut and dry. Let it go ,there's no point . But l wish she would have kept you away from her daughter though , it's down right irresponsible having you around her daughter so soon until she is sure the relationship is going somewhere. 1
smackie9 Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 You are not the one....it happens. People can breakup even when things are perfectly fine. 1
Author rkm86 Posted July 23, 2017 Author Posted July 23, 2017 How long was she single before she got into a relationship with you? It sounds to me like maybe there are some unresolved issues with her ex, or someone else, but from what you've written, it doesn't seem like it necessarily has anything to do with you. I think its good that she at least gave you the explanation that she did - not feeling excited anymore - and you should accept that as her legitimate reason. Maybe she just wants to be single - maybe after being in a marriage, etc, she's not looking for a committed relationship, and she wants the excitement of the single life. Overall, doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, nor did she. I don't see any major red flags. Thanks for your response. She was single for awhile. I was actually the first person she went out on a date with that she met online. I was just confused as of why she agreed to meet my parents one week ago and break up with my by the end of the week. But maybe she had already made her decision and didn't have the courage to tell me yet. There are lingering issues with her ex. It's hard with this breakup because not only am I losing the relationship with her, but also the one I had built with her daughter.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Thanks for your response. She was single for awhile. I was actually the first person she went out on a date with that she met online. I was just confused as of why she agreed to meet my parents one week ago and break up with my by the end of the week. But maybe she had already made her decision and didn't have the courage to tell me yet. There are lingering issues with her ex. It's hard with this breakup because not only am I losing the relationship with her, but also the one I had built with her daughter. You should not have met her child so soon, but that's a whole 'nother issue for another thread! 5
OatsAndHall Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 I believe she is telling the truth and that your feelings just aren't reciprocated and it certainly appears as if you did everything RIGHT and nothing WRONG. However, there may be more going on her head right now than just you and your relationship. Life gets messy when the "baby-daddy" drama starts up and she is probably a bit stressed about it. It's an emotional and financial circus when a father becomes a dead-beat dad and she might be cleaning her plate off a bit. Bringing you into her daughter's life probably wasn't a good move on her part though and that could have complicated things for her as well. I suggest you just keep your distance from her and see how things pan out. Don't try to contact her; just let sleeping dogs lie. I would think long and hard about a reconciliation if she gets a hold of you though as you don't want to get furthered involved with her and her daughter just to be sent packing again. 2
Bastile Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Thanks for your response. She was single for awhile. I was actually the first person she went out on a date with that she met online. I was just confused as of why she agreed to meet my parents one week ago and break up with my by the end of the week. But maybe she had already made her decision and didn't have the courage to tell me yet. There are lingering issues with her ex. It's hard with this breakup because not only am I losing the relationship with her, but also the one I had built with her daughter. From a monogamy point of view, women often break up with you before they really do. I tended to break up with women actually over something (disrespect, some kind of overt issue) - therefore more obvious. Moods are mercurial. Pinning yourself to her moods is unwise. You say you went out with her for 3 months. That's plenty long enough to have another woman also. Or you have women from the past before you met her, to which she is an addition. I imagine that you didn't do this. And that is unwise. When you date a single mother, you need strong boundaries. You can't let yourself be pulled immediately into her world of children, ex husbands, and family structure. As indicated here: There were times in our relationship where she seemed distant through texting and there were issues with her ex-husband wanting to move away without seeing their daughter again. He had quit his job in an attempt to see their daughter more, but he was unreliable and did not put in effort to make plans to see her. He also stopped paying child support. Because that is unwise. It's unwise in general to use serial-monogamy as a means to get your needs met. Because we are really all ships passing in the night - don't hold on to people too tight. Prioritize the direction your own ship is sailing. Welcome the view of new ships on the horizon.
Miss Spider Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 My guess is she wasn't feeling it all that much in the beginning, but tried to see if things would change and they didn't. 1
Author rkm86 Posted July 23, 2017 Author Posted July 23, 2017 Thank you to everyone who has replied thus far. I'm not very experienced with dating and relationships and I have gone through hell with online dating. She was like a breath of fresh air. It was fun dating a single mom and her daughter made the relationship more exciting for me.
Bastile Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Thank you to everyone who has replied thus far. I'm not very experienced with dating and relationships and I have gone through hell with online dating. She was like a breath of fresh air. It was fun dating a single mom and her daughter made the relationship more exciting for me. "Whoever desires constant success must change his conduct with the times." Niccolo Machiavelli - The Prince. We are in the year 2017. In which, a man can pop into the nuclear family and out of it again within three months, and no-one bats an eyelid. Leaving you feeling: It's hard with this breakup because not only am I losing the relationship with her, but also the one I had built with her daughter. If the behaviour continues, how many children would you have raised, in part? All with no rights. I suggest a revising of good healthy boundaries. And a revising of dating form.
Imajerk17 Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 You should not have met her child so soon, but that's a whole 'nother issue for another thread! I was thinking the same thing. If she (OP's ex) wasn't truly feeling it, then why have OP meet her child in the first place? I mean, I wonder how *the daughter* is processing the break-up! Sounds irresponsible on the part of OP's ex.
preraph Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 It's not about you. She just realized you weren't the right man for her. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or that you did anything wrong. All you can do in a relationship is be genuine and see if it's a fit or not. And move on when it's not. Good luck. 2
coolheadal Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Good morning! I (27/M) was dating a (32/F) single mom with a 2 yo daughter for almost three months. She broke up with me on Friday after inviting me over to her apartment for dinner. I was somewhat blindsided by this despite having some doubts leading up to the breakup. There were times in our relationship where she seemed distant through texting and there were issues with her ex-husband wanting to move away without seeing their daughter again. He had quit his job in an attempt to see their daughter more, but he was unreliable and did not put in effort to make plans to see her. He also stopped paying child support. We spent a lot of time together and for the first month she did a lot of the initiating. Eventually it transitioned to more 50/50. I met her parents on several occasions and she had just met my parents last Saturday. She liked them and they liked her. On Sunday she took her daughter fishing for the first time and was sending me lots of pictures over text. She invited me over for pizza on Monday. I spent a lot of time at her apartment since she had her daughter to care for. We had a lot of sex at her place which I always initiated. She never seemed hesitant. Everything seemed fine up until Thursday. She seemed quiet through text and stopped responding mid day. I did not blow up her phone or even send a follow up text until Friday afternoon. She responded to my text on Friday and asked if I wanted to come over. I obliged and this was the night she broke up with me. She said that she wasn't feeling a deep connection and she was no longer eager or excited to see me. I asked her if I did something wrong; was I too affectionate, too available, etc. She would just shake her head no. She said I was a really great guy and was great with her daughter. We have not spoken since the breakup. I'm trying to shed some light on where things went wrong. I have so many questions to ask her now. I am seeking insight on this and would be happy to answer any questions that would help make the picture a bit more clear. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. This is her way to let you down and say she's not into you anymore. Could be that the Ex-husband or there is another guy that she was seeing along side you at the same time. This guy might be more what she's looking for than you. But in any case she told you to go and that's it. Do not press it and do not push your way back into her life. Remember you had taken a risk with a single mom with a young daughter Your importance is not first your 3rd on the list. My experience this happen to me too the child was 5 years old I was her #13 guy, #14 replaced me a month later. Woman do this, you just have to go with the flow. I wouldn't remain friends though. Just exit out of this a good terms.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Thank you to everyone who has replied thus far. I'm not very experienced with dating and relationships and I have gone through hell with online dating. She was like a breath of fresh air. It was fun dating a single mom and her daughter made the relationship more exciting for me. I'd advise against telling this to future single moms you date. At least in these words. 1
Author rkm86 Posted July 26, 2017 Author Posted July 26, 2017 So today is day four of NC and I put up a new profile picture on Facebook and she liked my picture. I have not deleted her from social media as I am not one to do that. I would rather unfollow. I don't know if this is a subtle cue that she may seek a reconciliation or if she is just liking my picture as a friend. I asked my sister (25/F) and she wasn't sure how to decode it. If it was her, she could not see herself liking a picture of someone she broke up with this soon after the breakup. I have asked coworkers, family members and friends and some say to stay NC and some say they would casually text her and see how she's doing later this week.
Robratory Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 It's hard with this breakup because not only am I losing the relationship with her, but also the one I had built with her daughter. Yes, that's hard. You dated her for three months. That's not a long time at all. It's too soon to be meeting parents and building relationships with kids. You moved very fast in this respect, yet at the same time, it sounds like you moved very slowly on getting to actually know her. If you date a woman with children, don't go beyond casual involvement with the kids until you have a real relationship that you both acknowledge -- that you've talked about. Having lots of sex doesn't mean you have a relationship. And when you break up, don't try to be friends. When you break up, you need a new girlfriend, not a new platonic friend. For now, consider asking why she's visiting your Facebook page if she broke up with you. Don't be too nice about it either. "You broke up with me. Why are you hitting my Facebook page?" That kind of tone. And if she doesn't give you a good reason, just block her.
Miss Spider Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 So today is day four of NC and I put up a new profile picture on Facebook and she liked my picture. I have not deleted her from social media as I am not one to do that. I would rather unfollow. I don't know if this is a subtle cue that she may seek a reconciliation or if she is just liking my picture as a friend. I asked my sister (25/F) and she wasn't sure how to decode it. If it was her, she could not see herself liking a picture of someone she broke up with this soon after the breakup. I have asked coworkers, family members and friends and some say to stay NC and some say they would casually text her and see how she's doing later this week. No it's not, it's a breadcrumb at most. You are not NC if you are still viewing her on social media btw
spiderowl Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 She was still in the 'getting to know you' phase and enjoying the fun but probably not too sure about long term or about commitment. I expect she felt that you had both reached a point where one or the other needed more and it was not appropriate to continue if she was not feeling that strong bond. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you or that you did anything wrong, she just didn't bond with you. I would not take any social media gestures as meaning anything. Some people like just about everyone's picture. She probably doesn't even think about what it would mean for you for her to do that. I would not pay attention to it but move on as best you can. If she wants a reconciliation, she should have to come to you and make it clear to you. 1
bachdude Posted July 26, 2017 Posted July 26, 2017 So today is day four of NC and I put up a new profile picture on Facebook and she liked my picture. I have not deleted her from social media as I am not one to do that. I would rather unfollow. I don't know if this is a subtle cue that she may seek a reconciliation or if she is just liking my picture as a friend. I asked my sister (25/F) and she wasn't sure how to decode it. If it was her, she could not see herself liking a picture of someone she broke up with this soon after the breakup. I have asked coworkers, family members and friends and some say to stay NC and some say they would casually text her and see how she's doing later this week. Her liking your new profile pic mean absolutely nothing, bro. And why be FB friends with a woman who rejected you? Are you a glutton for punishment? Self respect is key here. You opened yourself up to her, she let you into her family life, slept with you, and then changed her mind, sending you back where you came from. Now she likes your pic, for who knows what reason. Why the h$% would she do that? Well, it's moot, because is it already bad for your head because it gave you hope. And as long as you hope, you will not be able to move on. Delete her.
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