xyz1234 Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 So I recently went on what I thought were 2 great dates with a new girl. Normally after 2 dates I really don't have much invested and if they don't seem interested I'm okay seeing them go. But this one is different. She made me feel invested by putting a lot of time and effort into getting to know me. She was the first girl who I've ever had, after only 1 date, call me after work just to talk about our day. The day before our 2nd date she asked if they allow visitors in my office, insinuating that she wanted to come see me. We texted basically constantly for 3+ weeks... So the 2nd date was last Saturday, and we went on a mountain hike since she asked if I had ever done one (I had only once) and she hadn't. I thought it went great aside from a few small things: 1. I was slower than her to climb the mountain and made her stop and take a couple extra breathers than she probably would have otherwise. I'm in pretty great shape but it's from lifting and not cardio! 2. At one point on the drive to the mountain we were trying to find something in my car and she looked in the center console, which had a condom in it. I had it their as a backup during the winter when I was dating someone and had forgotten to bring one to her place one day, not because I'm sleazy and hookup with random girls in my car. 3. When I went to kiss her goodbye she pulled away kind of quickly. She's young and seems pretty conservative, and on the 1st date I got the vibe she didn't want to kiss yet, so I settled for a hug, but I was surprised she still didn't seem that up for it on date #2. We were in a parking lot in her hometown though, so it wasn't the best place for a makeout or anything. So when I got home after the date I texted her and we chatted a little until she went to bed early due to a headache. The next day she was out with a friend and texted me asking a question about the area she was in, and we texted for a bit but then she stopped responding. No biggie. The next day I sent her a funny snap, which she'd normally respond to, but she didn't. Now I was starting to feel like she was pulling away. The following night I texted asking how her Sunday was since we hadn't talked about it. She responded and told me what she did for the day. I replied back and no response... So the following day I texted her saying that she seems distant and asked if there's anything she wants to talk about. She replied back a couple hours later and asked if I had a good time on the 2nd date. I said that yes I did, and I was thinking that maybe she was a little insecure that I hadn't outright said that so I apologized for not being more clear that I wanted to see her again. I asked if she had a good time... A day later she replied that she's not sure and that she had mixed feelings. I said "I see" and asked if there was anything in particular that she was concerned about, and she never responded. But about a half hour later she sent me a snap of the food she was eating, which was a type of food we had talked about last week. And that's where we stand now, 2 days later. So I'm not sure what to do. It feels like she hasn't totally closed the door and she has left some breadcrumbs, so I could text her one more time and see if she responds. I opened up Reddit today and the top post was a pic of a baby bunny (she's obsessed with bunnies and would always send me pics) so I'm tempted to send it to her and say something like "Hey so I know you have mixed feelings and that's fine, but I saw that this was the top post on Reddit and wanted to make sure you saw it :lmao:" Any suggestions on what I should do from here? I know it's only been 2 dates but like I said, I feel we've both invested more time into this than to just have it end after only 2 dates. It's like we took the time to lay down solid groundwork for a potential relationship and it seems that she's backing away due to something probably inconsequential if she'd just talk to me about it...
Scarlett.O'hara Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 If she has mixed feelings then you need to give her space and stop messaging her or risk appearing desperate. She will either be relieved or she will start to miss you, in which case she will have to start pursuing you. Only then will you know where you stand with her. 7
guy45 Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Do you REALLY want to be with someone who has mixed feelings about you? Doesn't that sound humiliating? Move on, have pride. 3
Andy_K Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Cut out the idle chat and just ask her out again. Anything but a clear 'yes' and you move on. Also, stop trying to find out what she's thinking. Nobody wants the nth degree. 5
Bastile Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 so I'm tempted to send it to her and say something like "Hey so I know you have mixed feelings and that's fine, but I saw that this was the top post on Reddit and wanted to make sure you saw it :lmao:" Don't send that. Any suggestions on what I should do from here? I know it's only been 2 dates but like I said, I feel we've both invested more time into this than to just have it end after only 2 dates. It's like we took the time to lay down solid groundwork for a potential relationship and it seems that she's backing away due to something probably inconsequential if she'd just talk to me about it... Two dates and no proper kiss is just a next. In future, plan and pay for the dates. Don't let her come up with all sorts of wacky ideas like climbing mountains and sky-diving, or whatever. Too troublesome to sexualize. Lead things where you want them to go. When women leads things, it's often into a dead-end. In this case, seems like she's friendzoned you. Plan your dates around having sex in future, imo.
Imajerk17 Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 (edited) I'm having a tough time understanding how you kids date these days. So now it's all about how you send and respond to each other's "Snaps"? I agree w @Bastile that you let her lead and that was where things went wrong. I actually think hiking is a great date though. Lots of time to connect, you're conquering an obstacle together, and it's inexpensive too! That said, If I were hiking up a mountain w a girl I was attracted to, I'd sure as hell be going for a kiss at the top. Sounds like you did not unfortunately, which goes back to the whole leadership thing being lacking on your end.. ETA I say see her again come to think of it. But be bolder than you have been (leadership) PS: Clean out your car next time. There is hardly any good that can come from a woman you're on a second date w seeing a leftover condom in there Edited July 23, 2017 by Imajerk17 1
mortensorchid Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 Don't go there. She said she has mixed feelings about you, she's not going to be swayed the way you want her to be swayed to you. No matter how hard you try. 2
preraph Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 She asked a lot of questions to get to know you but now that she knows the answers, she's not sure, so that's kind of nebulous. I think the condom may have put her off, like she's wondering if you are going to try to nail her in the car or something. So if you do ask her out again, do it pretty soon and as others have said, decide ahead of time the plan and tell her. Since it's possible the condom/car put her off, say you're going straight to whatever public place and then do take her straight home and kiss her at the door if she will let you, but not in the car which now has cooties. 1
Bastile Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 I'm having a tough time understanding how you kids date these days. So now it's all about how you send and respond to each other's "Snaps"? I agree w @Bastile that you let her lead and that was where things went wrong. I actually think hiking is a great date though. Lots of time to connect, you're conquering an obstacle together, and it's inexpensive too! That said, If I were hiking up a mountain w a girl I was attracted to, I'd sure as hell be going for a kiss at the top. Sounds like you did not unfortunately, which goes back to the whole leadership thing being lacking on your end.. ETA I say see her again come to think of it. But be bolder than you have been (leadership) PS: Clean out your car next time. There is hardly any good that can come from a woman you're on a second date w seeing a leftover condom in there I'm not climbing no mountain. I want her to climb my mountain. 2nd date should be escalating (not up a mountain). You politely decline, and she takes an orbiter or a girlfriend instead. They won't be getting any up the mountain, either. Then you change the date to one where sex is logistically possible, and smoother to lead into. It's a next. But just saying for next time. This one lead you up the mountain, and down the garden path, probably to friendzone town.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 Out door activities such as kayaking, hiking, etc. are great dates for the right people! The OP was out of his league and mistook being muscular with being 'in shape.' Perhaps the girl was hoping for someone she could hike, run, etc. with. OP failed and that put a damper on her feelings. Nothing wrong with that.
smackie9 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 She had already had mixed feelings before the second date....she went again just to make sure. She wasn't receptive so why move in for a kiss? You lack experience reading and understanding their body language. Work on that. 1
the_lost_1 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 If she has mixed feelings then you need to give her space and stop messaging her or risk appearing desperate. She will either be relieved or she will start to miss you, in which case she will have to start pursuing you. Only then will you know where you stand with her. This. I didn't read OP's post but this makes sense lol
the_lost_1 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 OP i'm in the same situation where girl has mixed feelings about me also, it seems....i think all you can do is keep talking to her and you know, try to keep improving the relationship to the next level and the feelings will change, i think. you can hope, at least.
Miss Spider Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 (edited) OP i'm in the same situation where girl has mixed feelings about me also, it seems....i think all you can do is keep talking to her and you know, try to keep improving the relationship to the next level and the feelings will change, i think. you can hope, at least. when someone has mixed feelings about you, as Scarlett said, the proper course of action is to back off a bit, not "keep talking ... try to keep improving the relationship to the next level" You will come off "too much" and overwhelming and needy. No no no Edited July 24, 2017 by Cookiesandough 3
Bastile Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 She had already had mixed feelings before the second date....she went again just to make sure. She wasn't receptive so why move in for a kiss? You lack experience reading and understanding their body language. Work on that. I've read 4 books on body language, and more involving IOI's, still it comes down to a judgement call that you aren't always going to get right. Better to make the move, than not. Making a move should never be scorned. What he needs to work on is not allowing girls to take him on silly dates. I remember a woman keep trying to get me to watch "Bridget Jones' baby" with her for an early date - it became a running joke. Dodged that one, and ended up having a good relationship. Got to dodge women trying to lead, because they have very poor instincts that self-destruct the set. You're a man, and should know better. Live and learn.
smackie9 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 (edited) Romantic comedies are based on the buckets of crap they keep behind the studio. Edited July 24, 2017 by smackie9 1
Bastile Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 Romantic comedies are based on the buckets of crap they keep behind the studio. I can even have a laugh at them. Just not on the first couple of dates. I prefer prioritizing sex, and then doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff after. Ultimately, I found that if I hadn't had sex by date 3-5, I was unlikely to in general. Whilst becoming intimate early made girls want to LTR anyway. I believe a lot of women are actually in a "maybe" category when they date you. And early sexuality matters. It's also more fun for me that way, dating would be quite a grind otherwise. Btw, the body language books I was talking about I downloaded from torrent sites. There was a big bundle of dozens of books. Torrent is called "teach yourself body language ebooks", and might still be alive. Op might want to check it out. Learnt some usual things.
Author xyz1234 Posted July 24, 2017 Author Posted July 24, 2017 Out door activities such as kayaking, hiking, etc. are great dates for the right people! The OP was out of his league and mistook being muscular with being 'in shape.' Perhaps the girl was hoping for someone she could hike, run, etc. with. OP failed and that put a damper on her feelings. Nothing wrong with that. Lol it was her first ever hike, she's just carrying 80 lbs less muscle than me. And she was still tired as hell herself, she just pushed herself, probably because she said she's competitive.
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 3. When I went to kiss her goodbye she pulled away kind of quickly. She's young and seems pretty conservative, and on the 1st date I got the vibe she didn't want to kiss yet, so I settled for a hug, but I was surprised she still didn't seem that up for it on date #2. We were in a parking lot in her hometown though, so it wasn't the best place for a makeout or anything... Let me translate a young, inexperienced, conservative, girl's "mixed feelings" for you: By looking for a kiss on date 2, you scared her. She thinks you are going to want too much physical -- way more then she is prepared to give -- too early. I'm not saying you were wrong in seeking a kiss on date 2 & IMO you did so respectfully but she might not see it that way. Keep chatting & snapping with her. Show her by your respectful actions & hands (& lips) off approach that you like & respect her as a person. She needs to be reassured that you are not just "after one thing."
Author xyz1234 Posted July 24, 2017 Author Posted July 24, 2017 I'm going to reply to some comments but first I wanted to say, girls are weird as hell on Snapchat... So I haven't heard from her since Thursday, but yesterday I put up a Snapchat story and this normally doesn't really mean anything to me but she viewed it IMMEDIATELY. Like I checked 3 min after I posted it and she was the only one who had viewed it at that point. I think I'm gonna text her tonight just to have closure since right now it's been left as "mixed feelings." I'd rather just get a solid no than a "maybe she'll text at some point."
Author xyz1234 Posted July 24, 2017 Author Posted July 24, 2017 Let me translate a young, inexperienced, conservative, girl's "mixed feelings" for you: By looking for a kiss on date 2, you scared her. She thinks you are going to want too much physical -- way more then she is prepared to give -- too early. I'm not saying you were wrong in seeking a kiss on date 2 & IMO you did so respectfully but she might not see it that way. Keep chatting & snapping with her. Show her by your respectful actions & hands (& lips) off approach that you like & respect her as a person. She needs to be reassured that you are not just "after one thing." Hmm this is an interesting take. Everyone else seems to think I moved too slowly getting physical since I didn't go for the mountaintop makeout and totally drench her in sweat In the past I've always been the guy who takes it too slow and loses out. Like, I even had a girl tell me on a first date that she doesn't have sex until she's in a relationship... and then after I stopped short of sex on date 2 dumped me because I "wasn't sexually aggressive enough" My past experiences have basically primed me to believe that I usually move too slowly to get physical with most girls, because I'm trying to be respectful, but I guess everyone has their own speed...
edwardchum Posted July 25, 2017 Posted July 25, 2017 So you think he picked up I wasn't attracted to him? If that was case he should of stop speaking to me after the first date. However, He didn't he texted me everyday for two weeks. So I'm confused.
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