max3732 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I met a woman online who seems really great and we've been chatting for a few days. She responds to my messages almost instantly with very short replies, so it's a little tough to get that much depth about her from her responses. From her profile and what she's said it seems like we're a pretty good match. Normally for a 1st date I don't like to make too a big a deal out of it just in case she turns out to be nothing like I'm expecting or if I'm not what she's looking for we don't waste each other's time. She said she'd be willing to meet me halfway, but that's still a 45 minute drive for both us. I asked if she wanted to meet up for "lunch or something" and she said yes. Should I plan something more involved than just going to lunch since we're both driving so far? Most of my matches seem to be 45 minutes to an hour away, so this is an issue I'm going to have to face a lot going forward.
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 It's up to you & your budget. You will probably be hungry too so I'd check out yelp! & possibly open table to find a low cost but nice place for a quick bite. You already said "lunch" so you can't really change it to ice cream or a drink. 1
phineas Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 45 mins. isn't far if you live outside of a city. i've dated women who live that far from me before. 1.5 hrs is a long way to go for a date though and when dating that distance does kill things for weekday hangouts. don't get ahead of yourself. Just go to lunch. If you are still enjoying each other's company, take a walk and explore the town. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 max3723. phineas is right. 1.5 hours isn't that far. If you think it's worth it, YOU drive the 1.5 miles closer to her. It is clear that you are interested in more than just a coffee date and with that distance, it probably is better to plan a little more than that or simply have a longer 'coffee' date. Also, you seem a little concerned about the distance she would be driving. Frankly, I would drive to her. If the coffee date or lunch works out, you can talk about another date and perhaps compromising on the distance or alternating. If it doesn't, let the lady have the easier way home. You can handle 1.5 hours.
Author max3732 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Posted July 22, 2017 max3723. phineas is right. 1.5 hours isn't that far. If you think it's worth it, YOU drive the 1.5 miles closer to her. It is clear that you are interested in more than just a coffee date and with that distance, it probably is better to plan a little more than that or simply have a longer 'coffee' date. Also, you seem a little concerned about the distance she would be driving. Frankly, I would drive to her. If the coffee date or lunch works out, you can talk about another date and perhaps compromising on the distance or alternating. If it doesn't, let the lady have the easier way home. You can handle 1.5 hours. I don't want to waste either of our time so I'm very concerned about her driving almost as much as mine. The only issue with driving the whole way is when I've driven a long way to meet up with people online before I've had trouble. One time she could barely speak English and even though she was born in the US she had lived most her life in a Spanish speaking country. The other time the person stood me up.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I don't want to waste either of our time so I'm very concerned about her driving almost as much as mine. The only issue with driving the whole way is when I've driven a long way to meet up with people online before I've had trouble. One time she could barely speak English and even though she was born in the US she had lived most her life in a Spanish speaking country. The other time the person stood me up. For the first concern, that can easily remedied by speaking to her on the phone. For you to be concerned, I suspect that the lady you hope to meet is hispanic? As per the second, keep communications up literally until you meet. Any suspicious, troublesome or serious lull in communication should be an opportunity for reassessment. I've never been stood up, so my experience is probably a little more optimistic. But, if you are thusly concerned, by all means, compromise and find a happy medium.
phineas Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 For the first concern, that can easily remedied by speaking to her on the phone. For you to be concerned, I suspect that the lady you hope to meet is hispanic? As per the second, keep communications up literally until you meet. Any suspicious, troublesome or serious lull in communication should be an opportunity for reassessment. I've never been stood up, so my experience is probably a little more optimistic. But, if you are thusly concerned, by all means, compromise and find a happy medium. This is spot on. I haven't been stood up in a good while because I don't waste my time on women who are poor communicators. When i don't feel they are making the same effort I am i stop contacting them. most times they don't seem to notice. lol I've been flaked on, but i can tell when the flake is coming. They are real chatty. right up until the day before or day of the date. Then they either take forever to respond or the only time you hear from them is when they cancel. 2
Author max3732 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Posted July 22, 2017 For the first concern, that can easily remedied by speaking to her on the phone. For you to be concerned, I suspect that the lady you hope to meet is hispanic? As per the second, keep communications up literally until you meet. Any suspicious, troublesome or serious lull in communication should be an opportunity for reassessment. I've never been stood up, so my experience is probably a little more optimistic. But, if you are thusly concerned, by all means, compromise and find a happy medium. Speaking on the phone first is a good idea. I'm actually looking for someone not hispanic, which is a problem where I live. For being stood up, before I communicated the night before. Guess I should send something the same day just to confirm before a long trip. I suggested "somewhere around" a city that's halfway. If she can't drive that far I'd be willing to drive a little further .
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I would never do it....20 mins tops, livin in my city. 1
Author max3732 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Posted July 22, 2017 This is spot on. I haven't been stood up in a good while because I don't waste my time on women who are poor communicators. When i don't feel they are making the same effort I am i stop contacting them. most times they don't seem to notice. lol I've been flaked on, but i can tell when the flake is coming. They are real chatty. right up until the day before or day of the date. Then they either take forever to respond or the only time you hear from them is when they cancel. That's a good point about making sure they're good communicators. Last time she said she was looking forward to meeting me and then I waited for an hour and called/messaged her during the whole time and didn't hear back for a few days. That was quite a bad experience.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I recently had a date with a very nice lady. A day before the original date, I texted her for confirmation. She responded in a reasonable amount of time in the past, so I expected the same. She didn't respond until 5 or 6 hours before the date of the day of the date. I simply responded sorry, but made other plans (which I had. I have life.) when she didn't respond nearly for nearly 24-hrs. We did reschedule, but I do not tolerate poor communication. By the way, I had offered to speak on the phone prior to our meeting, but she wasn't comfortable with that.
fred123 Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 I recently had a date with a very nice lady. A day before the original date, I texted her for confirmation. She responded in a reasonable amount of time in the past, so I expected the same. She didn't respond until 5 or 6 hours before the date of the day of the date. I simply responded sorry, but made other plans (which I had. I have life.) when she didn't respond nearly for nearly 24-hrs. We did reschedule, but I do not tolerate poor communication. By the way, I had offered to speak on the phone prior to our meeting, but she wasn't comfortable with that. Why did you rescedule?
2005tahoe Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 max3723. phineas is right. 1.5 hours isn't that far. If you think it's worth it, YOU drive the 1.5 miles closer to her. It is clear that you are interested in more than just a coffee date and with that distance, it probably is better to plan a little more than that or simply have a longer 'coffee' date. Also, you seem a little concerned about the distance she would be driving. Frankly, I would drive to her. If the coffee date or lunch works out, you can talk about another date and perhaps compromising on the distance or alternating. If it doesn't, let the lady have the easier way home. You can handle 1.5 hours. I just went through this, suck it up and drive all the way to her, she will respect you and appreciate it more if you do. Actually, I am going Thursday to see my new girl after work, 2 hours away and still have to work Friday morning. She will see that youre putting in a strong effort and she will thank you.
GunslingerRoland Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 I would never do it....20 mins tops, livin in my city. Yeah, personally I would date in the same city, but same idea. (it takes more than 20 minutes to go across my city). But out of town an hour and a half would probably be a no go. If there isn't anybody closer, then move. If you have a job/life that you aren't willing to move from, then you shouldn't be dating someone an hour and a half away anyway.
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