the_entertainer1 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 This guy started at my work at the beginning of this year. We're in different departments, and out workplace doesn't have any 'anti-dating' policy - in fact, there are a number of couples there. We hit it off the day we met (back in January), and he ended up buying me dinner after work's social club drinks. Now, we go out for coffee together in our breaks and text each other on weekends and in the evenings about our favourite tv shows or sports matches. We've even hung out a few times on weekends or during school holidays (we're teachers). My students (16 years old) even asked me if we were dating (but you know what students are like, haha!) Anyway, we went to the movies the other night. I texted him to see if he wanted to see the new Spiderman movie. He said he'd already seen it, but would come see it again with me. We had dinner first and he suggested that I should come over to his place after the movie and watch Game of Thrones (he's a big fan, I've never seen it!) I over-think everything and was a bit non-committal (I only said maybe) and he didn't mention it again after the movie. I did suggest it after the movie, for another time, and he agreed. He's a quiet guy and kind of shy with everyone else - so I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into him being more friendly with me than others. What do you think? I'm treading carefully because we work together. If something happened between us and it didn't work out, there's enough separation at work that there wouldn't be any direct consequences or fall-out, but if something does work out, I don't want to advertise it at work either; my colleagues are awful gossips!
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I'm treading carefully because we work together. If something happened between us and it didn't work out, there's enough separation at work that there wouldn't be any direct consequences or fall-out, but if something does work out, I don't want to advertise it at work either; my colleagues are awful gossips! This is probably why he hasn't really made any real effort to proceed with dating you seriously. If he is a shy guy, he wouldn't be able to cope with the attention it will bring in the workplace. Other than being like friends, has he not made any advances like holding hands or touch you....anything that looks like he is romantically interested?? Does he talk about past relationships?
act00 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 Your colleagues are gossips, but your students are noticing this attraction and dating, and commenting on it. Romance seems to be spilling into the workplace and needs to exit the workplace, pronto. I think you are well aware of how bad things can get when the parents get involved and you are perceived as love-struck and not attending to your students. Date all you want, but this romance is crowding and overspilling into your professional life, and that needs to stop. If your students are noticing, so are your colleagues; your teenage students are saying it out loud. It's difficult to say what he's thinking. In all this time you've spent together, has there been any kissing, making out, affection, hugging, holding hands? Is everything strictly platonic with a giant "shmeer" of flirting, enough that the students are talking about you being involved with Mr. Teacher, but there's nothing happening? He could be extremely reserved because he wants to avoid the public backlash and opinions, but "all talk and no action" is really no place you want to be. Either do it or don't. Maybe YOU need to broach the subject of getting involved and how to manage your relationship during work time.
Author the_entertainer1 Posted July 23, 2017 Author Posted July 23, 2017 Your colleagues are gossips, but your students are noticing this attraction and dating, and commenting on it. Romance seems to be spilling into the workplace and needs to exit the workplace, pronto. I think you are well aware of how bad things can get when the parents get involved and you are perceived as love-struck and not attending to your students. Date all you want, but this romance is crowding and overspilling into your professional life, and that needs to stop. If your students are noticing, so are your colleagues; your teenage students are saying it out loud. It's a good point you raise - I don't want anything like this to interfere with my work life. The reason our students have noticed is because they've seen us hanging out after school together and, with them being 16, they think if you're spending time with someone of the opposite sex, you're automatically dating them. I don't feel like the way we act with each other at work is any different to the way we act with other colleagues (in front of students or not). It's difficult to say what he's thinking. In all this time you've spent together, has there been any kissing, making out, affection, hugging, holding hands? Is everything strictly platonic with a giant "shmeer" of flirting, enough that the students are talking about you being involved with Mr. Teacher, but there's nothing happening? Yes, things have been fairly platonic with, as you say, 'a "schmeer" of flirting'. I think he's reserved because he's shy, but I'm also a few years older than him (I'm 28, he's 24) and have been teaching a bit longer, so maybe he's just learning the ropes at this school, etc. He could be extremely reserved because he wants to avoid the public backlash and opinions, but "all talk and no action" is really no place you want to be. Either do it or don't. Maybe YOU need to broach the subject of getting involved and how to manage your relationship during work time. I agree that "all talk and no action" isn't great - but I just don't know what it's going to take to push things into the more romantic domain, as opposed to just platonic - outside of school hours of course! Does it sound like has a romantic interest, or is it too hard to say?
act00 Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 If you're flirting, there's interest, I would say, but whether it's something he wants to pursue "for real" because of work, is another story, and people will flirt, even if there is no real potential to date. That's when it gets so confusing. He seems single, though, if he's going out with you, even platonically. Maybe he's just not sure or moves very slow. I probably jumped the gun a little bit on parent backlash. I saw it happen with a couple teachers at my child's school, but it was elementary. It's probably less of an issue with high schoolers.
smackie9 Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 OK here's a few questions.....how do other men react to you? Do you get approached and what frequency does it happen? Have you been put in the friends zone before? Have men in the past try friendship first before dating you? Are you a frequent dater? or you barely have time or don't get many dates? Has the topic of dating come up when you two have spent time together?
coolheadal Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 (edited) You two are just friends from work and your seeing each other as co-workers. That's what I am involved with now myself. But I find my self-wondering if there could be more or not. She doesn't want me to tell our team makes that we're seeing each other. But it's not a date though. I spending money on her like it was. She can eat and doesn't put on the pounds. I not understanding things like this. I think she's the type where you have to spend and where she never has the money. But we both do the same job. She takes her money and spends it lottery and gamble it away. Just odd situation. You have to understand that what you and I are into is just friends hanging-out. That's it.. She told her daughter (grown-up) that I was her co-worker from work. She told me we are friends. But there is a line that is drawn. You seem to wonder the same thing what's going to happen next. Could it be more or less? Edited July 23, 2017 by coolheadal
roncollins Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 I think the signs are clear for you to see that you both have feelings for each other. However, you are afraid to let out your feelings because of what people will say about your relationship with him at your workplace. Now, get this clear; since he is interested in you, he won't be the one to make the relationship not work out but you. So, stop been afraid and let your love flow.
Robratory Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 Well, give me his name and his phone number, and I'll call him and ask him what the hell is going on. But seriously, he's the only one who knows. But I'll tell you, it's just not normal for a man to approach a woman without being interested in her. Here are the possibilities. Maybe he's gay (just had to get that one on the table).Maybe he thinks it's better if he acts like "a friend" instead of acting like the pig all men really are. And yes, many of us go through a phase like that, where we're literally ashamed of our sexual desires.Maybe he's not gay but just not into sex. I've known people like that. An assistant manager at a store I worked was like that. He was about 6' 2", slender, blonde hair he grew long and kept in a pony tail, nice features, but at 36, he lived with his mom, didn't have a cell phone, and spent all his free time playing video games online. In more than a year working with him, I never saw him once look at a women like we guys look at women we think are hot. We could go on all day, but we'll never know. You have to ask him. Seriously. Next time you're hanging out together, make yourself extra open. If he still doesn't go for it, ask him what's going on. Or maybe start asking him if he has a girlfriend. "There's so much I don't know about you! Are you involved with anyone?"
Author the_entertainer1 Posted October 1, 2017 Author Posted October 1, 2017 This guy started at my work at the beginning of this year. We're in different departments, and out workplace doesn't have any 'anti-dating' policy - in fact, there are a number of couples there. We hit it off the day we met (back in January), and he ended up buying me dinner after work's social club drinks. Now, we go out for coffee together in our breaks and text each other on weekends and in the evenings about our favourite tv shows or sports matches. We've even hung out a few times on weekends or during school holidays (we're teachers). My students (16 years old) even asked me if we were dating (but you know what students are like, haha!) Anyway, we went to the movies the other night. I texted him to see if he wanted to see the new Spiderman movie. He said he'd already seen it, but would come see it again with me. We had dinner first and he suggested that I should come over to his place after the movie and watch Game of Thrones (he's a big fan, I've never seen it!) I over-think everything and was a bit non-committal (I only said maybe) and he didn't mention it again after the movie. I did suggest it after the movie, for another time, and he agreed. He's a quiet guy and kind of shy with everyone else - so I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into him being more friendly with me than others. What do you think? I'm treading carefully because we work together. If something happened between us and it didn't work out, there's enough separation at work that there wouldn't be any direct consequences or fall-out, but if something does work out, I don't want to advertise it at work either; my colleagues are awful gossips! So, things with my coworker have basically been moving along in the same way I described a few months ago (above). He found out a few weeks ago that there wouldn't be a job for him at our school next year - the person he was replacing is coming back from leave. He's been pretty down about it, but has cheered up the last week or so with a few other job interviews. We've just started 2 weeks of school holidays. Yesterday was the football grand final - it's typical of most people to watch and celebrate. I was watching it at a pub with some friends, while his brother had organised a BBQ at their house. He texted me all day and when the game was over, suggested I should come over and join their gathering. I'd had too much to drink to be able to drive, and his place is a long way away, so I wasn't able to get there. He persisted, even after his friends had left, suggesting I should get someone to drop me at his place so we could watch a movie, but I just wasn't able to get there. So, we agreed we would do it tonight. When I texted him this morning inviting him to my place for a movie night, he said he'd forgotten he had a board games night with his cousins planned for tonight. Trying to reschedule, he said he was free most nights this week, but then on the two nights I suggested when I was free, he said he already had plans. Consequently, we haven't organised anything and things are a bit inconclusive. What's the deal with him inviting me over for a movie and then when we try to actually organise a time, he says he's busy? I'm pretty sure his suggestion to 'watch a movie' is a euphemism - the oldest one in the book, haha - but now I'm a bit confused about everything. I'm almost at the stage where I'm thinking I won't suggest anything else and see if he initiates again. Any thoughts?
coolheadal Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 (edited) So, things with my coworker have basically been moving along in the same way I described a few months ago (above). He found out a few weeks ago that there wouldn't be a job for him at our school next year - the person he was replacing is coming back from leave. He's been pretty down about it, but has cheered up the last week or so with a few other job interviews. We've just started 2 weeks of school holidays. Yesterday was the football grand final - it's typical of most people to watch and celebrate. I was watching it at a pub with some friends, while his brother had organised a BBQ at their house. He texted me all day and when the game was over, suggested I should come over and join their gathering. I'd had too much to drink to be able to drive, and his place is a long way away, so I wasn't able to get there. He persisted, even after his friends had left, suggesting I should get someone to drop me at his place so we could watch a movie, but I just wasn't able to get there. So, we agreed we would do it tonight. When I texted him this morning inviting him to my place for a movie night, he said he'd forgotten he had a board games night with his cousins planned for tonight. Trying to reschedule, he said he was free most nights this week, but then on the two nights I suggested when I was free, he said he already had plans. Consequently, we haven't organised anything and things are a bit inconclusive. What's the deal with him inviting me over for a movie and then when we try to actually organise a time, he says he's busy? I'm pretty sure his suggestion to 'watch a movie' is a euphemism - the oldest one in the book, haha - but now I'm a bit confused about everything. I'm almost at the stage where I'm thinking I won't suggest anything else and see if he initiates again. Any thoughts? He's not interested enough to be with you. Stop being in denial. You and him really not into the same things. He's a fan of the Game of Thrones, you never see it. Sports again you trying to be with him and he's trying to avoid you or really doesn't want to spend the time with you. Don't you get it if he wanted to be with you he would be. He might have someone else other than you know about. So he invited you over and he had other plans you had invited him over and he had forgot. Don't you see he's making up excuses. I would never bother to contact him ever again. If he does contact you, you say listen if you want to hangout, date or be serious about getting to know me you should make a date tonight and call me 1 hour before saying you getting ready to leave. If you can't get a yes or just getting rejected in a way then you shouldn't even bother with this guy. Not serious. Don't you see if he was you wouldn't be here asking what's he doing and your now so confused. He's stringing you along, don't get hat way with him. Break the string and move on... Edited October 1, 2017 by coolheadal 1
smackie9 Posted October 1, 2017 Posted October 1, 2017 This is months later and this is where you are at??? good lord let this guy go.
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