amazonrambo Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I met this brilliant girl 5 weeks ago who, funnily enough, I stopped talking to on the dating website before Christmas as I had got serious with my now ex. She actually brought that up a couple of weeks ago and said she was glad I stopped talking to her then as at the time she was in contact with her ex. Anyway, we click like we've been together for years, share the same interests and I don't want to be with anyone else. Without getting too attached, I would hope something with her would last a lifetime. She sent me a text tonight with a joke and said "I've had yet another lovely time with you there is one thing that I just wanted to ask and that is where do we stand in your eyes at the moment? Like are we officially together? Don't worry if you're not ready for that I just wanted to see what you thought, no pressure on anything". I replied with a joke and I said "Well.. How about you tell me if you're free on Monday instead and I'll give you my answer in person? It's something I prefer to do face to face". She seemed to respond positively and told me it was her graduation on Monday but she was free Monday night and that I should come to her area as it'll be a busy day and be easier. Do you think I went about this the right way? I remember with an ex in the past, she had suggested a similar thing and I asked her, then she said she'd prefer if I had done it in person, etc. So obviously I didn't want to make a similar mistake!
Gaeta Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 Do you want to be exclusive with her? She used text because she was too nervous to have this conversation face to face. It would have been nice of you to reply something short like: I would love to date you exclusively and we can talk about it Monday. Instead you left her hangning and she has no clue if you do want to date her exclusively, poor girl. I cannot imagine how her weekend will be with this behind her head. Then when you meet her on Monday you speak about it and you mention to her you prefer these topics to be addressed in person. I think you left her hanging. Not nice. 5
SammySammy Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I think it's fine as long as you show up and let her know in person on Monday. It's a conversation I would prefer to have in person also. Just stick to your word. 3
act00 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 Do you want to be exclusive or not? I'm a little lost. You had no idea she had her graduation on Monday? Can you make the move to being exclusive if you didn't know she was graduating on Monday? This is an important tid-bit of information and life achievement that you should have known if you're walking straight into a serious relationship. Graduation can be a big deal, and celebratory with friends and family, and are you sucking her away from her celebratory time so that you can have alone time to discuss exclusivity? I realize she volunteered the time, but I think you need to consider she might want to go out and celebrate with classmates, friends, and family and such, and maybe shouldn't plan this to be "the big day." She said she was free, but I think on a day like graduation day, even if it seems a bit low-key at the moment, you should leave her to have an open plan on the events that might unfold. Why were you not specifically invited to this graduation, whether it's a huge cap and gown ceremony or a tiny classroom event? You didn't even know. Can you meet or talk earlier? She extended her wishes, though text isn't ideal. Why the waiting game?
joseb Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I think you left her hanging. Not nice. Totally agree. Why do that. Sure, you can have the chat face to face to reaffirm, but I don't get why you would want to introduce drama and suspense needlessly by avoiding the question like that. Especially if you say you like her. 2
guest569 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) I think that is fine IF you are unsure. Otherwise just text it Edited July 22, 2017 by smiley1
coolheadal Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I met this brilliant girl 5 weeks ago who, funnily enough, I stopped talking to on the dating website before Christmas as I had got serious with my now ex. She actually brought that up a couple of weeks ago and said she was glad I stopped talking to her then as at the time she was in contact with her ex. Anyway, we click like we've been together for years, share the same interests and I don't want to be with anyone else. Without getting too attached, I would hope something with her would last a lifetime. She sent me a text tonight with a joke and said "I've had yet another lovely time with you there is one thing that I just wanted to ask and that is where do we stand in your eyes at the moment? Like are we officially together? Don't worry if you're not ready for that I just wanted to see what you thought, no pressure on anything". I replied with a joke and I said "Well.. How about you tell me if you're free on Monday instead and I'll give you my answer in person? It's something I prefer to do face to face". She seemed to respond positively and told me it was her graduation on Monday but she was free Monday night and that I should come to her area as it'll be a busy day and be easier. Do you think I went about this the right way? I remember with an ex in the past, she had suggested a similar thing and I asked her, then she said she'd prefer if I had done it in person, etc. So obviously I didn't want to make a similar mistake! Odd one but you can do whatever you want and ask her, just have to take a chance and see where it goes? If you want this to happen then focus and do it! We can't do it for you.. Your the one do make this happen! Good Luck! Your going to need it!
Brooklyn. Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I think that's a nice text to send but you have made it seem that you will give her a positive answer of yes we will be together ? So if your going to give her a bad answer then this girl will need some kind of warning but remember it's her graduation so it has to be a rememberble day for her in a good way that is. However yes you are right face to face is better just like I say possibly warn her either way as she could be very nervous and worried.
Author amazonrambo Posted July 22, 2017 Author Posted July 22, 2017 Do you want to be exclusive or not? I'm a little lost. You had no idea she had her graduation on Monday? Can you make the move to being exclusive if you didn't know she was graduating on Monday? This is an important tid-bit of information and life achievement that you should have known if you're walking straight into a serious relationship. Graduation can be a big deal, and celebratory with friends and family, and are you sucking her away from her celebratory time so that you can have alone time to discuss exclusivity? I realize she volunteered the time, but I think you need to consider she might want to go out and celebrate with classmates, friends, and family and such, and maybe shouldn't plan this to be "the big day." She said she was free, but I think on a day like graduation day, even if it seems a bit low-key at the moment, you should leave her to have an open plan on the events that might unfold. Why were you not specifically invited to this graduation, whether it's a huge cap and gown ceremony or a tiny classroom event? You didn't even know. Can you meet or talk earlier? She extended her wishes, though text isn't ideal. Why the waiting game? She told me she was celebrating it over this weekend and I think she mentioned Monday too but she told me this last week at a time I had done 80 or so hours of work and was mentally tired, my memory idn't too great as it is. I haven't met her friends or family yet so I'm assuming that's why I'm not at her graduation.
Author amazonrambo Posted July 22, 2017 Author Posted July 22, 2017 From my response it does sound like I will say yes and I have every plan to, but I believe it has to be done in person. My ex did a similar thing, so I then asked her to be my gf over text and she seemed jokingly annoyed that I didn't ask her in person. I then got a different vibe from her on our little holiday. We broke up after a week, but that was probably down to differences in interests. Hope you guys can understand why I'd rather wait in person. Her following texts after I said that were: "Haha what was the car park like to find your way out of? I doubt they will beat penguins tim tams are just so much better! I'm not free on Monday day as it's my graduation but I am free Monday night if that's okay with you? Maybe come to my town as it might be a busy day for me so being nearer to home might be easier haha xx" And "Haha that wasn't easy to get out of then! I hope the tim tams are as good as I remember! Okay sounds good see you on Monday night then! I'm off to bed now so nighty night xx" So she didn't act cold with me, but like I said I feel something like that should be said in person even if I'm going to say yes, which I am, I just don't want it to be done over text when it should be a special moment in person.
gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 It seems as though she took it fine and is happy to speak in person! I wouldnt worry about it. 4
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 And again....over thinking. Best of luck Monday night! Bring flowers. 2
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 You unnecessarily introduced uncertainty and drama into this relationship where none need have existed. You are playing a game and toying with this girl's emotions. It may work out fine, but maybe in the cold light of day she will realise you kept her "dangling" for longer than was necessary over this and she may not like you for it, OR she will assume the answer will be no or maybe, and has already made provisions to replace you... The girl is graduating the last thing she needs is to worry over this for days beforehand, for God's sake put her out of her misery and tell her "Yes" if that is your answer, ASAP. 4
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 What's wrong with making it special? She's not dumb, she knows where this is going....she's waiting with anticipation....let her savor the moment. 4
elaine567 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 What's wrong with making it special? She's not dumb, she knows where this is going....she's waiting with anticipation....let her savor the moment. She has her graduation to worry about, she does not need her day spoilt with the added worry about this guy and what he is going to say to her. Graduation day is a special day, he needs to realise that her happiness is paramount on that day, and keeping her in suspense over this, is not really very thoughtful or kind. 2
SammySammy Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 You unnecessarily introduced uncertainty and drama into this relationship where none need have existed. You are playing a game and toying with this girl's emotions. It may work out fine, but maybe in the cold light of day she will realise you kept her "dangling" for longer than was necessary over this and she may not like you for it, OR she will assume the answer will be no or maybe, and has already made provisions to replace you... The girl is graduating the last thing she needs is to worry over this for days beforehand, for God's sake put her out of her misery and tell her "Yes" if that is your answer, ASAP. No. People are always talking about wanting men to be "alpha". To lead and to make decisions. This young man has made a decision based on principle. Right or wrong, as a man, he should stick by his principles and do what he feels is right. For once, let this guy be a man without demanding that he bow and submit immediately. His intent is good. She can wait. She's willing to wait. There's no harm done here. Plus, a little anticipation makes a relationship more interesting. Adds a little spice. And can make this a memorable moment for both of them. 5
anika99 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 If you didn't want to be with her officially then I would say you should have told her immediately. However since you do want to date her and be official I see no problem with the text you sent her and with wanting to tell her in person. People here are berating you for leaving her in suspense but this kind of suspense is good suspense. Her graduation isn't going to be ruined because of worry over this, instead this is an added bit of excitement on that day. Her excitement for her graduation day to come has now doubled and deep down she probably knows what your answer will be based on your quick light hearted reply to see her. Making her wait a couple of days to hear your answer in person adds a bit of flair and romance to the relationship. It's all good. 3
anika99 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 You unnecessarily introduced uncertainty and drama into this relationship where none need have existed. You are playing a game and toying with this girl's emotions. It may work out fine, but maybe in the cold light of day she will realise you kept her "dangling" for longer than was necessary over this and she may not like you for it, OR she will assume the answer will be no or maybe, and has already made provisions to replace you... The girl is graduating the last thing she needs is to worry over this for days beforehand, for God's sake put her out of her misery and tell her "Yes" if that is your answer, ASAP. If that's how she is going to react to being asked to wait for a face to face conversation then it's her loss, not the OP's. 3
fred123 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 Do you want to be exclusive or not? I'm a little lost. You had no idea she had her graduation on Monday? Can you make the move to being exclusive if you didn't know she was graduating on Monday? This is an important tid-bit of information and life achievement that you should have known if you're walking straight into a serious relationship. Graduation can be a big deal, and celebratory with friends and family, and are you sucking her away from her celebratory time so that you can have alone time to discuss exclusivity? I realize she volunteered the time, but I think you need to consider she might want to go out and celebrate with classmates, friends, and family and such, and maybe shouldn't plan this to be "the big day." She said she was free, but I think on a day like graduation day, even if it seems a bit low-key at the moment, you should leave her to have an open plan on the events that might unfold. Why were you not specifically invited to this graduation, whether it's a huge cap and gown ceremony or a tiny classroom event? You didn't even know. Can you meet or talk earlier? She extended her wishes, though text isn't ideal. Why the waiting game? Can you invite people to this stuff if you arent exclusive? Isnt that the rules?
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 amazonrambo I am a firm believer that feelings & other complicated matters should NEVER be discussed over text. I absolutely think you did the right thing by flirting back & setting up a face to face date to discuss the relationship. I think she was wrong & immature for bringing up the subject via text. (But I really hate text so take my strong opinion with a grain of salt). Do bring her a graduation card & some token gift for her milestone. Flowers would be perfect because they send a romantic message. Had you been unwilling to commit & your intention was so put her off, things would have been more awkward but again part of that is because texting is a lousy way to do this. Send her a congratulatory message about the graduation earlier in the day & say you are looking forward to seeing her later. All should be fine. 4
Gaeta Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 No. People are always talking about wanting men to be "alpha". To lead and to make decisions. This young man has made a decision based on principle. Right or wrong, as a man, he should stick by his principles and do what he feels is right. For once, let this guy be a man without demanding that he bow and submit immediately. His intent is good. She can wait. She's willing to wait. There's no harm done here. Plus, a little anticipation makes a relationship more interesting. Adds a little spice. And can make this a memorable moment for both of them. Before principals there are people and their feelings. What he did is the same as your doctor calling you to let you know your tests results are in and you need to see him the following week to discuss it. You are left wondering if you should worry or not. Not cool. Yes his intentions are good but he is forgetting the human factor in his intention.
SammySammy Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 Before principals there are people and their feelings. What he did is the same as your doctor calling you to let you know your tests results are in and you need to see him the following week to discuss it. You are left wondering if you should worry or not. Not cool. Yes his intentions are good but he is forgetting the human factor in his intention. Let him own it. She won't die. I promise. This is (potentially) a new relationship with a guy she's seen ten times. It is not nearly on the level of waiting for medical results. Y'all are being overly dramatic. Waiting is not going to kill her. "Spoil" her day. Ruin her for the rest of her life. If she can make it through school to graduate, she can handle waiting a couple of days to talk to a guy face to face. I'm sure she's done that for many things (test scores?) and lived. Without permanent emotional damage. She'll be fine. 4
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 I think his response was positive enough that she's not fretting. 5
smackie9 Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 Gaeta apples to oranges.....we are not talking about a life or death situation. They are not having issues so it's a no brainer that the outcome is going to be positive. 2
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