the_lost_1 Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 So obviously I bear a difficult mind however I was able to ask this girl through texting to go to dance with me (nightclub) and i said it's cool if she got plans or whatever. So she politely refused, and i said okay, maybe next time. So yeah, I know this is nothing but I think this means something to me. I think that was my first time asking a girl to go to nightclub with me despite being 29 y/o old ass 3
SevenCity Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 So obviously I bear a difficult mind however I was able to ask this girl through texting to go to dance with me (nightclub) and i said it's cool if she got plans or whatever. So she politely refused, and i said okay, maybe next time. So yeah, I know this is nothing but I think this means something to me. I think that was my first time asking a girl to go to nightclub with me despite being 29 y/o old ass Good for you for trying but better to do it correctly. 1) If you don't know her, going a loud night club is a a poor place to get to know her. Instead, ask her out for a drink. 2) You already told her it's ok to say no to you. That is not confidence. It's saying that you expect her to say no already. 3) Whatever is wishy washy. Women like and appreciate directness. Something along the lines of "You seem really interesting. I would like to get to know you better. When are you free to meet up for a drink?" The latter is direct and honest. She may reject you the same but you are being more assertive with your request. You let her tell you when she is free (no "I'm busy" responses) and if she says "Friday" you say "Great, why don't we meet at XX place at XX time". Rejection is a part of life and it will happen a lot no matter who you are (unless you are a movie star). But, you can do things to minimize your rejections by showing you are confident. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Good for you for summoning the courage to ask! I'm sorry you didn't get a date out of it but I'm happy that you see the experience as positive. Next time do it with a bit more confidence. Leave out the part where you give her permission to say no. Just say hey, do you wanna go to the Nightclub with me on Saturday? 1
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 21, 2017 Author Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) okay well i think it's over cause she just said "probably not" for a possible next time Edited July 21, 2017 by the_lost_1
knabe Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 You stepped out of your comfort some. You should be proud 1
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 21, 2017 Author Posted July 21, 2017 Maybe I need to let her know that it's fine if she doesn't like me or something
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Maybe I need to let her know that it's fine if she doesn't like me or something No. She already knows that. There is no reason to tell her. Doing so will only reaffirm for her that she made the right decision to decline your invitation. the_lost_1 You are a good person. You have a tendency to let your hearing define who you are. Stop. When you start to believe in your own value, that self confidence will make you more attractive. For now, take SevenCity's suggestions to heart. 4
SammySammy Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Action in the direction of your goal is good. The next step is to figure out how to improve. Then take action again. Keep doing that. Consistently taking action in the direction of your goal, continually improving, and you will eventually achieve your goal. That's the general process that leads to success. We all have different challenges in life. In different areas of our lives. The key to getting to where we want to be is to start and to work through. Process. Going through it makes you stronger. And you're on your way. 1
kendahke Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Maybe I need to let her know that it's fine if she doesn't like me or something You already let her know that when you said: i said it's cool if she got plans or whatever. She's not going to need your permission for that. Lesson learned: confidence will go further than meekness. You meet a girl, you want to get to know her better? Say "wow, you're a really cool person. I'd like to get to know you better. I know of a great place I'd like to take you on (day) at (time) where we can talk more." That is more confident that "It's ok if you've got other plans..." You may have to do this a number of times before you land the girl, but each time will help you to build your confidence with her. Unless they really don't want to get to know you, you shouldn't have to wait long. Men and women get rebuffed by people they find attractive every. day. of. the. week. The older you get, the more often it happens--you learn to just keep it moving and that they aren't the only one and you'll be fine until that right person orbits in. 2
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 22, 2017 Author Posted July 22, 2017 honestly i dont know what to say, we've been texting for weeks and we finally meet and then she seems to have changed her mind it's always me, i'm not good enough for her or anyone else
kendahke Posted July 22, 2017 Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) honestly i dont know what to say, we've been texting for weeks and we finally meet and then she seems to have changed her mind it's always me, i'm not good enough for her or anyone else then instead of trying to date and it not work out, take some concrete measures to change yourself--and that is the ONLY person you have the power to change here--no one else. If you believe you're not good enough for her or anyone else, then she and everyone else are going to follow your cue--you really can't complain if you're the one leading the pack on that. She changed her mind because you are too frightened to step into your esteem and ask her out. Notice: I didn't say "ask her permission", which is what you are doing. Learn to make more declarative statements instead of asking open ended questions which provide the back door for them to scoot out. Also, understand that ev.er.y.bo.dy. is entitled to their preferences with whom they want to be romantically involved. We're all not going to be someone else's cup of tea and that's fine. When you rid yourself of the unrealistic expectation that because you have interest, it means she owes you reciprocity, you will find dating to be not quite so soul-crushing, which it shouldn't be. Unrealistic expectations are resentments under construction. Edited July 22, 2017 by kendahke
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 23, 2017 Author Posted July 23, 2017 Yeah i told her i wish my condition didn't bother her, im pretty sure she liked me before meeting me and seeing what's it like to be me or my condition she never felt the same.
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 24, 2017 Author Posted July 24, 2017 So here's the update, she said sorry (about saying me being "too much") and i said it's cool and I'm trying to set up another date with her again but she told me she has bbq next weekend so it doesn't seem like she's truly interested in me? What do I say to that?
basil67 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 So here's the update, she said sorry (about saying me being "too much") and i said it's cool and I'm trying to set up another date with her again but she told me she has bbq next weekend so it doesn't seem like she's truly interested in me? What do I say to that? She apologised for the words she used. But the apology for her words doesn't negate the fact there's something you're doing which makes her not want to date you. So you're right when you say she's not truly interested in dating you. 1
basil67 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 Yeah i told her i wish my condition didn't bother her, im pretty sure she liked me before meeting me and seeing what's it like to be me or my condition she never felt the same. Did she tell you that your condition bothered her? If not, you're way out of line in making assumptions about how she feels. If this is the same girl who told you that you're 'too much', the reason is connected to something you're doing - not your CI. 1
Bastile Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 So here's the update, she said sorry (about saying me being "too much") and i said it's cool and I'm trying to set up another date with her again but she told me she has bbq next weekend so it doesn't seem like she's truly interested in me? What do I say to that? You: BORING Have a little more cheek about you.
kendahke Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 So here's the update, she said sorry (about saying me being "too much") and i said it's cool and I'm trying to set up another date with her again but she told me she has bbq next weekend so it doesn't seem like she's truly interested in me? What do I say to that? You don't. You just leave her be. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 So obviously I bear a difficult mind however I was able to ask this girl through texting to go to dance with me (nightclub) and i said it's cool if she got plans or whatever. So she politely refused, and i said okay, maybe next time. So yeah, I know this is nothing but I think this means something to me. I think that was my first time asking a girl to go to nightclub with me despite being 29 y/o old ass It's good you made an effort. However, next time, do it with a little more "umph". "Hey, I'd like to take you dancing on Xday, at XPlace at Xtime". Forget the "it's Ok if you have plans" thing. That's a little bit of a disclaimer on your part -- "eh, you probably don't like me anyway so it's OK if you don't want to go with me". And/or it comes across as wishy washy like you don't care if she comes with you or not. She may have still declined, but you will have upped your approach "game".
Author the_lost_1 Posted July 25, 2017 Author Posted July 25, 2017 It's good you made an effort. However, next time, do it with a little more "umph". "Hey, I'd like to take you dancing on Xday, at XPlace at Xtime". Forget the "it's Ok if you have plans" thing. That's a little bit of a disclaimer on your part -- "eh, you probably don't like me anyway so it's OK if you don't want to go with me". And/or it comes across as wishy washy like you don't care if she comes with you or not. She may have still declined, but you will have upped your approach "game". Okay thanks, I understand.
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