Gaeta Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 maybe , I just tend to fall for guys very rarely.. which is why its so disappointing. Gemmax: You are not suppose to fall for guys after 3 dates. When you say it's rare, it's not, it's just normal. If you think you need to meet a guy you fall hard for right away it's going to be really hard for you to find a stable relationship. Before asking yourself if you have feelings for the men you have a couple of dates with, ask yourself if they have character, and give them time to prove to you they have charater. Love can wait. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 It isn't just you, it's rare for the majority of people to find someone they really, really like and fall for immediately. But if the other person doesn't feel the same way it will be very painful if you decide to still hang around them. It does seem like this guy is checking other girls. If he were as excited about you as you are about him he would have called you first thing when he returned. I think you should delete him and date others who want you. If this guy does come back it will not be with respect if you accept him. You can't blame him for trying to have sex with you. Being who he is that is his job. Your job is to mean what you say and stick to it. but why be so disingenuous and go to such lengths to charm me and really pretend like he does have a massive interest in dating me. Its just wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 but why be so disingenuous and go to such lengths to charm me and really pretend like he does have a massive interest in dating me. Its just wrong He did not fool you on purpose. Men live in the moment much more than us women. They see a cute woman, they feel all fuzzy inside and they go overboard with attention and words. Then it passes and they don't even know why themselves. * That is why it's important to give a man time * and that is why you don't beleive anything they say at first (my first post to you). That is why you don't fall for them right away even if they are sweet to you. I suspect this guy's feelings just changed while he was gone. Out of sight out of mind. He came back and his feelings were gone. It happens. It's no one's fault. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 but why be so disingenuous and go to such lengths to charm me and really pretend like he does have a massive interest in dating me. Its just wrong Because some men will do ANYTHING for sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 It's all just very raw right now. Maybe I was a little unresponsive tuesday evening by text.. or i knew his boiler had broken earlier that morning and i never asked about it..i dont know, most people just realise about crappy interviews though. but ultimately men probably pursue what they want i guess anyway its been good to vent about it, and try to figure out what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 It's all just very raw right now. Maybe I was a little unresponsive tuesday evening by text.. or i knew his boiler had broken earlier that morning and i never asked about it..i dont know, most people just realise about crappy interviews though. but ultimately men probably pursue what they want You did and said nothing wrong. Nothing at all. You are right, a man that is interested is not going to abandon pursuing you just because a text wasn't bubbly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 but why be so disingenuous and go to such lengths to charm me and really pretend like he does have a massive interest in dating me. Its just wrong Yes it is! This has happened to me before also, the fading/ghosting post sex is a VERY common story for tons of women who do OLD sadly. Can it happen with a guy you met in real life, sure! But the sheer frequency you hear these things going down with OLD guys (among friends, on this board and myself included) is the reason I gave up on that sh*t show! I'm 30 by the way so I know the struggling, wanting to find a life partner at our age and seeing it happen for everyone else! I can tell you though that this guy, for whatever reason, was not your dude. If he really was laying it on thick and being disingenuous to get you in bed, then he's a huge loser (NOT an alpha male)! Seriously not worth another thought! These types of guys prey on the branches that are at the top of tree (aka high quality women, ones that don't sleep around) because it is so much more validating to them than sleeping with a girl who is up for the same thing! Did you ask this guy about his relationship history? That should give you some clues as to the types of demons he has within that allow him to do this to others. The alternative is that he WAS genuine but simply doesn't have the capacity OR will to make this something meaningful with you! Again, that's life and sh*t happens when you put yourself out there, but it's the risk we take! You did nothing wrong for going with the moment, enjoying this guy, hoping he was legit etc. This is not on you! Don't beat yourself up wondering what you did wrong or if you should have slept with him, just trust your gut and move on to someone who is more your equal! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) Yes it is! This has happened to me before also, the fading/ghosting post sex is a VERY common story for tons of women who do OLD sadly. Can it happen with a guy you met in real life, sure! But the sheer frequency you hear these things going down with OLD guys (among friends, on this board and myself included) is the reason I gave up on that sh*t show! I'm 30 by the way so I know the struggling, wanting to find a life partner at our age and seeing it happen for everyone else! I can tell you though that this guy, for whatever reason, was not your dude. If he really was laying it on thick and being disingenuous to get you in bed, then he's a huge loser (NOT an alpha male)! Seriously not worth another thought! These types of guys prey on the branches that are at the top of tree (aka high quality women, ones that don't sleep around) because it is so much more validating to them than sleeping with a girl who is up for the same thing! Did you ask this guy about his relationship history? That should give you some clues as to the types of demons he has within that allow him to do this to others. The alternative is that he WAS genuine but simply doesn't have the capacity OR will to make this something meaningful with you! Again, that's life and sh*t happens when you put yourself out there, but it's the risk we take! You did nothing wrong for going with the moment, enjoying this guy, hoping he was legit etc. This is not on you! Don't beat yourself up wondering what you did wrong or if you should have slept with him, just trust your gut and move on to someone who is more your equal! I just really loved spending time with him and I spent the 10 days while he was away looking forward to seeing him again. Why did he even bother texting me while he was gone or when he came back, I just dont understand it. Well I know he didnt ghost on one of his ex dates. because one night he was introducing one of his ex dates to a friend of his, in the hopes they would connect for a business situation. He expressed the two didnt hit it off at the meeting.. but the fact that he was willing to help a girl he had been dating with a business prospect means he never ghosted her! I even know he has her on fb. So clearly things progressed with her. Why wouldnt I feel inadequate. Still trying to figure out If I should delete him on saturday or sunday? or should I give him a few more days to possibly reach out I dont really care if it shows I care too much if i do delete him .. given how he behaved whilst we were together and when apart Its only human of me that I was caring and developing feelings. His behaviour was what made me feel that way. I dont think you can be liking someone so intensely and then literally never want to see someone again! Edited July 22, 2017 by gemmax Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) whats also eating at me a little bit, is that I always feel a little not good enough for these types of guys. So its why I feel like he had 0 interest in dating me, just pretended to so that he could purely used me for sex. Its an awful feeling. The manipulation hurts just as much as the pain I feel for wanting to see him again and him not wanting to see me. I feel like its the exact same thing that happened with the last guy who ghosted me.. and then he got into relationship with another woman straight after. Edited July 22, 2017 by gemmax Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/THBGcb1fkS8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> my friend sent me the above video which gave me some food for thought. I am thinking maybe I shouldnt delete his number, just leave it be and move on emotionally, not think about it.. go on a few dates this week. I am also thinking I probaly need to start 'multiple dating'.. I have always been a date one a man at a time type of girl.. but maybe If I am dating a little more I will hopefully meet a few men I like and so wont be so obsessive over one person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Yes don't delete him , just move on for now and date other men. And by the way don't tell men "I don't sleep around etc." Juat show them. I find that type of talk makes a woman look pretty lame. And agreed, what men say before sex is bs. Make them wait for sex longer so you can enjoy that bs longer 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Yes don't delete him , just move on for now and date other men. And by the way don't tell men "I don't sleep around etc." Juat show them. I find that type of talk makes a woman look pretty lame. And agreed, what men say before sex is bs. Make them wait for sex longer so you can enjoy that bs longer haha no I def have learned my lesson in what I express and what actions I take.. I just havent dated in a long time so Im rusty Yeah, like the video said If I delete his number he will know , so it will show anger or upset. I shouldnt give him that power. If he gets in touch again, I will consider giving him a chance redeem himself as I do really like him but I will be more low investment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 <iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/THBGcb1fkS8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> my friend sent me the above video which gave me some food for thought. I am thinking maybe I shouldnt delete his number, just leave it be and move on emotionally, not think about it.. go on a few dates this week. I am also thinking I probaly need to start 'multiple dating'.. I have always been a date one a man at a time type of girl.. but maybe If I am dating a little more I will hopefully meet a few men I like and so wont be so obsessive over one person. Did you check this guy's other videos? I liked this one: Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 (edited) Did you check this guy's other videos? I liked this one: Yeah, I looked at that one too. His advice is pretty good! Im going to check out some more of his stuff. Still feel very up and down with emotions though. Pining after somebody is the worst. Set up a date for next week, but not that excited about it. I just hope he still reaches out again. I can also tell by the distance on the app, that he is at home.. and its raining today. So spent most of this week at home and no desire to reach out to me. Hurts a lot. Edited July 22, 2017 by gemmax Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 but why be so disingenuous and go to such lengths to charm me and really pretend like he does have a massive interest in dating me. Its just wrong He didn't just charm you, he is charming. It is up to you to protect your heart by waiting to see if his actions match his words. You are a woman in her 30's not some teenage girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 whats also eating at me a little bit, is that I always feel a little not good enough for these types of guys. So its why I feel like he had 0 interest in dating me, just pretended to so that he could purely used me for sex. Then stop dating these type of guys. You weren't used for sex. You wanted it as much as him. Be realistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 He didn't just charm you, he is charming. It is up to you to protect your heart by waiting to see if his actions match his words. You are a woman in her 30's not some teenage girl. Men can be naturally charming without having to be overly expressive about all their intentions with you personally.. because its really making you buy into the fact that they do really like you. There is a duplicity in that that I believe to be very wrong. I will protect myself better from here on. The last relationship I was in was pre this dating app culture, and so my ex boyfriend pursued me because he had a genuine interest in me. I do need to be more careful in this dating app culture. I can see how men feel like they probaly have a lot more options which possibly makes me more disposable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I can imagine how you feel... In the future, stay true to your words and beliefs. Try to restrain yourself from having sex too early, no matter what kind of sweet words men are telling you, no matter how genuine their interest seem to be. Only time can show if those words aren't just a ploy to get you to lower your standards. I think some men use this to boost their ego. I'm not saying you should feel guilty for having sex early on. It's just that if you're doing that to keep them interested, reward them or prove yourself worthy, you'll be hurt each time. Let them prove themselves worthy instead. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Then stop dating these type of guys. You weren't used for sex. You wanted it as much as him. Be realistic. As I said before, I slept with him because I really like him and I thought he really liked me based off of all that he said and did and I genuinely thought he had an interest in dating me for the immediate future atleast. Trust me when I say he came on really strong! Anyway it was my mistake for falling for it. I also believe he knows I probaly would not have slept with him had he not been making all those assertions about where we were headed. Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 You definitely have the right to feel upset about this. There's no excuse for his behavior. I'm just sorry there are people like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 I can no longer see his last time stamp on whatsapp. So I guess that means he deleted me! This is where I really need to dig deep and avoid the urge to send him a really nasty message. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 I actually think I will give him a piece of my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 Are you sure that will make you feel better? Link to post Share on other sites
Author gemmax Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 Are you sure that will make you feel better? I'm really not sure. Im just really angry about it, let me know if anybody has anything advisable to say 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shahjskalio Posted July 22, 2017 Share Posted July 22, 2017 I'm really not sure. Im just really angry about it, let me know if anybody has anything advisable to say I'm pretty much going through the exact same thing now!!!! He was sooooo charming. Took me out to eat, movies, bought me a gift. Paid for everything. Felt like I was in a fairytale and we were only on 4 dates. He also came back from a 2 week vacation and i waited. thankfully didn't sleep with him but he planned on it because he told me he planned it all out. When he gets back he will cook me dinner and we will see eachother everyday and have oral until he leaves again for a week and when he comes back again we will have sex. I got so creeped out that I told him that I feel like he's playing me and I have trust issues. He Got mad and it's been 3 days and he hasn't responded to my texts. Pretty much got ghosted...... I still feel a guilt as if maybe he's not a player and I blamed him for no reason but then the other part of me felt like all this love bombing and going so fast is a red flag..... I advise you to not contact him and start moving on. That's what I'm gonna do even though it's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
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