My Boyfriend Confessed He Suffers from Seizures

[YP10]

Well, hello everyone.

I hope you all are doing good and enjoying the day.

 

So, actually I don't know how to start this, but it's been filled my mind non-stop and overwhelm me to the point I need this support group and advices from you all.

 

It's about my boyfriend.

 

We've been dating since March, lovely and quiet.

All our relatives knew about it, and he is the type of guy that enjoy public dating. But not the publicity type who do lovely-dovey on social media, you know.

Like he won't hesitant to hold my hand, kiss my forehead or hug me on public but still in manners type.

He's never fail to make me feel wanted.

 

Right now both of us are sophomore from same uni, just different in major.

We are in our twenties,

And we currently living in the same town.

 

Sometimes we had arguments, just like the other.

But with him, it always end up with solution.

No hard feeling, no anger, no lie.

It's full of comfort.

So how can I not fall in love with him,

Right?

 

Sure, he's all I ever wish.

Patient, honest, wise, willing to help in any work and learn new things, love children, easy to discuss, gentle, and many more.

 

Honestly, I enjoy this relationship with him so much.

I want to keep him by my side, till grey and old, by God's will.

 

But then, my boyfriend confessed to me that he suffers from seizures.

He said he's been suffered from seizure since junior high.

And he confessed about it when we were having phone call, on one random night.

I fell silent at that time, totally blank.

I don't know how to response.

Like, what should I do with this information he gave to me?

 

Okay I know what seizure is and what's the first aid to do.

Thanks to basic medical education i got,

but yeah that's all.

 

I never meet someone who suffer from it or taking care of a seizure for real in my life.

So I am clueless.

Dumbfounded.

 

And in the end all I asked was 'how frequent is it?'

Because I need idea to grasp right,

To know how to deal with it.

'Not all the time', he said.

Only when he is over-exhausted and not getting enough sleep.

 

That's it.

 

The future that I always imagine now filled with concern, anxiety kick.

What if one morning I woke up with him seizing beside me?

Or in the middle of the night?

Can I take care of him and give medical help he need?

What if he fall and hurt himself and there's no me?

What if the seizure getting worse?

What if we have kids with epilepsy?

Can I deal with it while taking care of him?

 

I want to stay by his side.

 

Please help me clear my head.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Welcome to LS .

 

I think you're smart to seriously consider the ramifications of this. You sound like a loving girlfriend, but this could potentially be life-altering and only you know if you can handle it.

 

I have friends whose family has been changed forever by seizures. I believe the husband did have seizures his whole life, at least whole adult life, but a handful of years ago they got so frequent (over two dozen a day) he can no longer have a job or drive a car. It is a huge hardship on the (wonderful, optimistic, loving) family. One of the children also has seizures, among other serious medical problems.

 

Would this happen to you? Impossible to say.

[PegNosePete]

What if one morning I woke up with him seizing beside me?

Or in the middle of the night?

Can I take care of him and give medical help he need?

Well you said you know how to deal with it thanks to your first aid training, right? You can ask him if there's anything you need to know specifically about his seizures, like what you should do.

 

What if he fall and hurt himself and there's no me?

What if you get hit by a bus tomorrow? Bad things can happen to anyone, at any time. You can't live your life worrying about these things. You just have to take precautions to mitigate the risks (medication, avoiding certain situations or activities, etc), and get on with life.

 

What if the seizure getting worse?

What if we have kids with epilepsy?

Can I deal with it while taking care of him?

 

I want to stay by his side.

Well, the last sentence kind of answers the above 3 questions, don't you think? If you want to stay by his side then you need to accept the risks and potential future consequences. If you don't accept the risks of dating someone who has seizures, then you should end it.

[amaysngrace]

What does his neurologist say about his prognosis? There's medicine he could and should be taking. Does he have a family history of these? How are other members of his family managing if they're inflicted too?

 

I would get as much information from him as possible since he's the one living it and probably understands his condition better than anyone. Maybe it's not all that horrible as others have it. You've been dating since march and you've never known him to have a seizure in that time so that's promising. You should ask questions to see how they expect the condition to progress though for better understanding.

 

Hang in there...it may not be nearly as bad as you're thinking it is but you need to find out for sure before you decide to jump in or bail.

[Redhead14]

Get yourself fully educated and prepared to deal with seizures -- what to do, when they occur is all you should do. Was he born with epilepsy or is the condition the result of a head injury while playing sports, etc. later in life? The fact that his seizures began in high school, suggests it's more of an injury related case. My point is, if he wasn't born with it, there's not much likelihood that your children would inherit it. If he was born with it, note this:

 

• Less than 2 people out of every 100 develop epilepsy at some point during their lifetime.
  
• The risk for children whose father was born with epilepsy is only slightly higher.
  

You're also thinking about a lot of what ifs too. What if they get worse?, etc. What if they don't? Cross the bridges that need to be crossed if/when you get to them.

 

You've only been dating for 4 months -- you're kinda projecting out too far, as in marriage and children, that's for sure. Over time you may find that there are other things about him that cause you to not want to marry him that are "larger" than the epilepsy. Observe for a while, see how often they occur and how it affects you when they do occur. If you're finding it too difficult for you to deal with, then you make that decision.

Edited July 21, 2017 by Redhead14

[O'Malley]

I have friends whose family has been changed forever by seizures. I believe the husband did have seizures his whole life, at least whole adult life, but a handful of years ago they got so frequent (over two dozen a day) he can no longer have a job or drive a car. It is a huge hardship on the (wonderful, optimistic, loving) family. One of the children also has seizures, among other serious medical problems.

 

Similar here. Friends married 17 years, the husband has had epilepsy since childhood as the result of an accident (their children are healthy) and it has impacted them in several ways.

 

Have an honest discussion with him about it. It's normal to worry about the what ifs and have reservations, and it's understandable if you don't think you can handle it. Don't walk on eggshells about your concerns or treat him with kid gloves; he's a regular guy who wants a good relationship as much as the next person.

[smackie9]

What about driving?? I sure as hell wouldn't be a passenger.

[GunslingerRoland]

A lot of people have epilepsy. It's a very common condition. Here are a few things to think, ask, learn about.

 

Does he take medication for it? Is he consistent with his medication? Because it'll show how serious he is about treating his condition if he's actually taking the proper medication for it. Does he have rescue medication that can be administered in the case of a more severe seizure?

 

What kind of seizures does he have? Not everyone has the big grand mal seizures that we all think about when we hear seizures. Some seizures just cause people to "space" out for a few seconds.

 

What restrictions does he have in life because of his seizures. I'm assuming if he is still having seizures he can't drive? Any other restrictions?

 

I'm biased because I have a son with epilepsy who i'd love to find love in his life one day when he grows up. But I don't think epilepsy alone should be a reason to turn down a partner. It can be a scary medical condition visually, but many of the differences in dating someone with epilepsy is probably more of the minor nuisance variety than anything. (he isn't able to drive or go rock climbing, etc)

[Art_Critic]

I find you use of the word "confessed" a little alarming

 

You confess to a murder, to doing something wrong or whatever, a medical condition isn't something you confess to a SO about, it is something you make them aware of.

 

With your wording it seems you have already made up your mind about his medical condition, cut him loose and let him find someone who will not hold his medical conditions against him and who won't resent it later on down the road.

[knabe]

i have two friends with epilepsy. They take medication. They get rest. They are fine, have jobs, drive, etc.

 

I think a few people are a little dramatic about this. It's actually more dangerous for an out of control diabetic to be driving - sugar crash.

 

He probably has them if he doesn't watch how late he stays out or stays up studying. Both my friends had a few more issues in college because of that.

 

This is not a death sentence or a travesty. It's a condition. It can be managed.

[Els]

I find you use of the word "confessed" a little alarming

 

You confess to a murder, to doing something wrong or whatever, a medical condition isn't something you confess to a SO about, it is something you make them aware of.

 

With your wording it seems you have already made up your mind about his medical condition, cut him loose and let him find someone who will not hold his medical conditions against him and who won't resent it later on down the road.

 

I agree, the wording was concerning to me as well. It's kinda like saying someone "confessed" to having cancer... wtf?

 

Honestly, if he is stable on medications (and is diligent about taking his medications), this isn't something I'd worry about. It's unlikely to affect a partner and relationship too much in that case. I mean, yes there ARE potential risks, but how far exactly do you plan to take that paranoia? Are you going to insist on every partner taking a genetic test so that you know exactly what their % risks are of various illnesses? Have YOU taken such a test?

[Novz]

I love how you describe your boyfriend! You love him that's for sure. He loves you as well for giving you the kind of love he has shown you.

 

Your worries are manageable! You said it yourself, you have the knowledge.

 

Clearly, you are worried for reasons that have solutions. I know it's frightening to know about the sad fact that your bf shared.

 

But don't you think you are luckier that he honestly and sincerely told you about his condition?

 

He simply needs your acceptance and unconditional love. And you have both, girl!

 

Give the best that you can to the man who showed you best of the love that you deserve

[lana-banana]

Not to be thick, but do you know that he actually has epilepsy? About 1/3rd of all seizures have no known cause. Not all seizures disorders are epilepsy. Can he drive? Can he do well in school?

 

You make it sound like he has stage 4 cancer or schizophrenia. Honestly, if you have dated this long without realizing he has a medical condition I don't think you have anything to worry about.

[JuneL]

 

You make it sound like he has stage 4 cancer or schizophrenia. Honestly, if you have dated this long without realizing he has a medical condition I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

Agree. Even schizophrenia can be put under control with medication.