Roman97 Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 As my post already states, it’s been 8 months since my break up. LoveShack.org and its posts has been of tremendous help during my darkest phase, therefore I think it’s apt that I share my story here. This is going to be long, so bear with me please. I had been in a relationship with my now ex-gf for 1.5 years but I knew her for far longer than that. Before the relationship started, we were already friends for 5 years, the last two of which we were something akin to BFFs. The relationship was well and good in the beginning, the fights started around the 9 month mark, which got more intense as we crossed a year and things got so bad towards the end that we were fighting almost twice weekly. Most of these fights were based on silly misunderstandings. Moreover, she used to constantly argue that I didn’t do anything in the relationship (which was total BS). Soon, I began to feel that she was losing interest in the relationship and she constantly mentioned a ‘break up’. However, I felt that if we overcame this phase, we could probably make it last forever, so I used to convince her to stay (big mistake). Finally around October 2016, she started ignoring me saying that she was too stressed, didn’t want to be in a relationship, needed a break etc. There was a guy who had been hitting on her after we were 6 months into our relationship and although my ex told him she was committed, she didn’t totally ignore him either. On one of the days during our ‘break’, I found her with the other guy. I confronted her and she shockingly started blaming me for the bad bf I was all the while emphasizing that the guy was just a friend and she could meet who she wants. Needless to say, they got in a relationship soon. Those few months were the darkest times of my life. It was hard to envision a future where the person whom you loved so profoundly is no longer there. For 2 months, I begged and pleaded for her to come back, writing letters and sending gifts. This was my biggest mistake. Her response was to block me, ignore me and she went totally cold towards me. What hurt most was that she lied to me through the whole ordeal, promising that she would try to get back with me after the ‘break’ and told our mutual friends that I was immature and uncaring (which is BS and even our friends know it). I still can’t believe that my once best friend could do this to me even after all these years together. She went away even though she knew what I had been going through. She never even called me to give a closure (forget an apology, she still blames me). It would be a lie to claim that I am faultless. I have done my share of mistakes like not going to her musical performance or exchanging porn with another girl. However, I have countlessly apologized whenever I made a mistake (unlike her) and really put in a lot of effort in the relationship, especially towards the end. What hurts most is not her dumping me for another guy, but her decision to cut all contact with me, lie to me and not even give a closure. 8 months later I am still alive, which means you really don’t need somebody else in order to live your life. I have had a few flings but nothing serious, and I am much healthier than I was initially after the breakup (read depression). I still do ask about her sometimes and from what I have heard, she does too. I have contacted her around 5 times in these 8 months, but she has started playing those blame games again so I guess I will stop texting her. I used to have thoughts of getting back with her someday, but no more. I am now ready to live again. For those who are on the same boat as me, I would only ask you to trust me when I say it gets a lot better. You don’t need anybody else to live and singledom may turn out to be the best thing for you right now. Remember, you should be your first priority so learn to love thyself first. Also never beg, it never helps, just destroys your pride and self-respect. And do you really wish to lose those for someone who is doing fine without you? Please feel free to comment.
Greenhawk84 Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Well what sucks here is that the friendship you established was risked and now there is nothing left. I wonder if you guys will ever reunite on a friendly level later after a good deal of time passes? It's so silly isn't it? Well I guess you two weren't compatible on that level. I should listen to myself sometimes. At least you had some flings. I'm 4 months out and haven't had one date. I'm definitely picky. It sounds like you are doing alright. I know sometimes it haunts us, and we will never forget.
vickyp Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Well what sucks here is that the friendship you established was risked and now there is nothing left. I wonder if you guys will ever reunite on a friendly level later after a good deal of time passes? It's so silly isn't it? Well I guess you two weren't compatible on that level. I should listen to myself sometimes. At least you had some flings. I'm 4 months out and haven't had one date. I'm definitely picky. It sounds like you are doing alright. I know sometimes it haunts us, and we will never forget. Why would you want to be friends with someone who basically said f u it's over? I think if my dumper ever asked me to be friends I'd tell him to take a hike. Not worth the pain.
Greenhawk84 Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) Why would you want to be friends with someone who basically said f u it's over? I think if my dumper ever asked me to be friends I'd tell him to take a hike. Not worth the pain. Only because he said they had a longer history as friends. I am not saying this is easy because I mentioned the friendship was risked and perhaps destroyed forever. I am all about finding peace with situations and people when possible. I am not recommending the OP try to contact his ex with a friendship offering. Edited July 21, 2017 by Greenhawk84
vickyp Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Only because he said they had a longer history as friends. I am not saying this is easy because I mentioned the friendship was risked and perhaps destroyed forever. I am all about finding peace with situations and people when possible. I am not recommending the OP try to contact his ex with a friendship offering. I get what your saying. I just think being friends with an ex is always a bad idea. Even if they are the ones offering it.
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