Tuutuu22 Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 To start off with a little background. I am 19 years old my boyfriend is 20. We have been dating for over 2.5 years (It'll be 3 years in September). Within those three years we have fought, as every normal couple does every so often. We often found solutions and we have grown together and learnt through one another. I do love him, I adore him. However, I know I have certain needs that aren't being met. For example, tonight (4 hours ago) I went to his house after a 10 hour lifeguard shift in the 93 degree heat all day. I was already exhausted. He jokes around a lot and usually I don't mind but tonight was far from funny. His little sister made the "goo" its this new trend going around where teens/kids mix elmers glue with laundry detergant and other things to make a goo like ball. He plopped it over my head and it got stuck in my hair. Now because this substance has elmers glue and other things I'm not aware of it got stuck in my hair. It was worse then getting gum stuck. His mom is a hair dresser and spent an hour and a half with oil trying to get it out. We got most of it out but some hairs were lost. After I said thank you, i apprecited his moms help and then I helped clean the floor to make sure the oil was off so no one would slip, he even comaplined he had to help clean the floor. So I left. He wanted me to sleep over, i was pissed and wanted to clean the oil out of my hair and to get away from him. I wanted him to come over my house, apologize and show that he cared and show some effort and sincerity. He did nothing. I am sick of this behavior. he told me "I didnt hurt anyone, im not going to kiss you ass, i said i was sorry" I feel like I'm dating a 5 yr old. He can be very selfish and I dont know what to do anymore. Prime example. Every christmas day for the past three years I have left my family to g spend desert with his. I asked him to come for desert with my family this year for easter he couldn't do that. I see girls in relationships myy age and their boyfriends spend the entire day and holiday with their families. I am not even asking for that I know we are young and have our own families. I just asked for him to come to desert, i do it for him and his family. And every year i go i bring pastries or wine and i spend atleast 100$. I dont care about the money, i just wish he would show up like i do. I feel i should leave him and be a 19 year old and live my life and eventually ill find someone who would fulfill my needs. I dont think I am asking for too much. What do you guys think? Am I asking for too much? And should I call it quits? I am sick of being let down. Its tough because he can be a great boyfriend and he is my bestfriend but I am so fed up of asking for him to put in an effort. But then he says "I love you and I dont want to lose you" I am left confused. Because if someone I loved told me they needex x, y and z from me (Coming to my house and showing effort and apolgizing, which is really not asking for much in my opinion we live 5min away) and it they werent really asking for all that much (correct me if im wrong but i dont believe im asking for a lot) I would do it. I keep telling myself actions speak louder then words. Every time I ask he tells me "I wont kiss your ass". I dont know what to do.
BaileyB Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Yeah, I'm sorry to say that it may be a good idea to let him go. You are so young, you really should date other people before you get serious with someone. And, he needs to mature a little before he is really ready for a serious relationship. 1
kendahke Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 What do you guys think? . I think this relationship is long past its shelf life. You want things from him that he is not willing to provide--or he's not mature enough to provide. It's time to recognize that. Spending any more time with him is you saying you're ok with how he treats you. If you've brought this up to him (and I'm hoping you have before now) and he still refuses to compromise or make any sort of a change in his behavior, then understand that he knows very well how you feel and doesn't care about how you feel--he's going to do as he wishes. Well you know what? You're not married to him. He can go feel a way about that by himself. You are not obligated to stick with him until he grows up. You cannot make him change. That is something that comes out of his own volition and how he esteems you and right now, he doesn't esteem you highly enough to muster up empathy that he childishly put a substance in your hair that caused some of your hair to be snatched out by the roots and took some doing by a professional hair stylist to get out. Not all relationships are meant to last the rest of your life. Some are there to teach you a life lesson--this life lesson is that you need to figure out if your esteem has any value to you, first, and if it does, you don't waste your youth with someone who steadily discounts it and expects you to be ok with that. He's got a ton of growing up he still needs to do. It seems he's about as emotionally mature as his little sister who cooked up the goo.
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 You have matured beyond your BF. End things for your own peace of mind. Several years down the road, after you have both grown up maybe you will reunited by some mutual friends. That is what happened to my friend's son; him & his FI (former HS GF / apart for 5 years) are getting married next summer. But for now, it's time for you to explore other options.
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