I want to break up with him but i'm afriad i'll regret it.

[Tuutuu22]

To start off with a little background. I am 19 years old my boyfriend is 20. We have been dating for over 2.5 years (It'll be 3 years in September). Within those three years we have fought, as every normal couple does every so often. We often found solutions and we have grown together and learnt through one another. I do love him, I adore him. However, I know I have certain needs that aren't being met. For example, tonight (4 hours ago) I went to his house after a 10 hour lifeguard shift in the 93 degree heat all day. I was already exhausted. He jokes around a lot and usually I don't mind but tonight was far from funny. His little sister made the "goo" its this new trend going around where teens/kids mix elmers glue with laundry detergant and other things to make a goo like ball. He plopped it over my head and it got stuck in my hair. Now because this substance has elmers glue and other things I'm not aware of it got stuck in my hair. It was worse then getting gum stuck. His mom is a hair dresser and spent an hour and a half with oil trying to get it out. We got most of it out but some hairs were lost. After I said thank you, i apprecited his moms help and then I helped clean the floor to make sure the oil was off so no one would slip, he even comaplined he had to help clean the floor. So I left. He wanted me to sleep over, i was pissed and wanted to clean the oil out of my hair and to get away from him. I wanted him to come over my house, apologize and show that he cared and show some effort and sincerity. He did nothing. I am sick of this behavior. he told me "I didnt hurt anyone, im not going to kiss you ass, i said i was sorry" I feel like I'm dating a 5 yr old. He can be very selfish and I dont know what to do anymore. Prime example. Every christmas day for the past three years I have left my family to g spend desert with his. I asked him to come for desert with my family this year for easter he couldn't do that. I see girls in relationships myy age and their boyfriends spend the entire day and holiday with their families. I am not even asking for that I know we are young and have our own families. I just asked for him to come to desert, i do it for him and his family. And every year i go i bring pastries or wine and i spend atleast 100$. I dont care about the money, i just wish he would show up like i do. I feel i should leave him and be a 19 year old and live my life and eventually ill find someone who would fulfill my needs. I dont think I am asking for too much. What do you guys think? Am I asking for too much? And should I call it quits? I am sick of being let down. Its tough because he can be a great boyfriend and he is my bestfriend but I am so fed up of asking for him to put in an effort. But then he says "I love you and I dont want to lose you" I am left confused. Because if someone I loved told me they needex x, y and z from me (Coming to my house and showing effort and apolgizing, which is really not asking for much in my opinion we live 5min away) and it they werent really asking for all that much (correct me if im wrong but i dont believe im asking for a lot) I would do it. I keep telling myself actions speak louder then words. Every time I ask he tells me "I wont kiss your ass". I dont know what to do.

Edited July 21, 2017 by Tuutuu22

[mike.c]

That guy is an a**hole. You better let him know how bad it's gotten so he has a chance to fix it. If he doesn't, dump him.

[Finlandia]

"He plopped it over my head and it got stuck in my hair.... he even comaplined he had to help clean the floor."

 

He said "I didnt hurt anyone, im not going to kiss you ass, i said i was sorry"

 

Dump him. You may be sore for a while and maybe regret it, but honestly, why regret leaving someone who sounds like a major jerk?

[Miss Spider]

I think you're understably angry because he put slime in your hair. Give it some time, say a week. See if you are still feeling that way and talk with him about this.

[PegNosePete]

You say it's like you're dating a 5 year old... that is exactly what I was thinking while I was reading your post. Your BF is extremely immature and selfish whereas you sound mature and sensible. I don't think this is a good match and I don't think this relationship will last. Yes, you should end it, and find someone more mature, someone who can communicate properly and compromise.

 

You shouldn't have to ASK someone to put in an effort! They should do it on their own, because they want to.

 

The Christmas example you give, is a good one. I think you can tell a lot about someone by how they handle Christmas while in a relationship. Your idea of having dessert at his parents one year and at yours the next, is a great example of how to handle it well. Yet he even refused that.

 

I agree with the first reply. He is an immature douche, and he won't grow up for many years. You should dump him.

[darkmoon]

you do not want this as a father to any kids

 

let him date somebody who likes silly pranks, wish him well, that desert refusal is a huge red flag, huge to me, an eff off to your folk

 

you will only be miserable, trapped even, financially dependent

Edited July 21, 2017 by darkmoon

[doglover98]

I feel like I was in somewhat of a similar situation. I was unhappy with a few aspects of our relationship and I confronted him multiple times on my insecurities but nothing ever changed. My ex and I were also in a long distance relationship which made things tougher though (He was away at college). But for us it was similar in the sense that we were always hanging out with his house or with his family - including holidays. My family is kind of lame so it never really bothered me in that sense but the fact that he refused to spend time at my house was an issue. I was and still am so in love with him, but the way he treated me and crying over his actions almost every day wasn't worth it in the end. I honestly tried everything I could to get him to adjust to my needs. I don't think what I needed was crazy - just for him to pay more attention to me the little time we had together (whenever he was home he only made plans with friends, not me), or to tell me he loved me other than before going to bed, he even forget to get me a 2 year anniversary gift and when we talked about it he apologized but never once tried to make up for it. Anyways, I tried pulling myself away to see if he'd notice any distance - didn't work. I tried confronting him about my needs on multiple occasions and he apologized kind of - didn't work. Finally I discussed with him the possibility of us breaking up and it led us to ending things. Deep down I don't think he was really invested in us because of college and long distance - so it could never work. But still over a month into the breakup I have these feelings where we could have made it work if I tried harder, or expected less from him. But this really is unhealthy because he wasn't trying. I can guarantee you that if things end there will be instances of regret for ending things. So maybe talk to him first about your fears and even threaten a breakup. If he cannot change or seem like he's trying then don't waste any more time. Yes, you definitely have problems in the relationship that need to be fixed in order for you 2 to continue dating. But if you love him and think that there is a possibility he could be the man you spend the rest of your life with, then talk to him. If things don't change, it might be years before he grows up and treats you right. I know it's hard, but if he can't change it's really not worth dragging things out and making yourself feel worse for longer. Sorry if I focused too much of this on my own experience, its just what I've been going off of, I hope everything works out for you and that my advice can be somewhat helpful/eye-opening. Good luck!

[Zolatola]

If you keep dating this jerk, how are you supposed to meet a good guy?

[her2]

Dear tuutuu22, it is quite normal for you to feel bad about your boyfriend's behaviour. We always prefer to be treated by others exactly the way we treat them but this rarely happens because we are all different! You said you do adore your boyfriend and like everyone else, he has his flaws. Have you thought about waiting for the anger of this latest incident to pass before making an objective decision about the relationship? Or better still having an objective dialog about how you feel and what your expections are with regards to his behaviour? Decisions made in the heat of anger are often bad decisions and you may need to cool off before evaluating how good of a boyfriend/relationship you have. I wish you all the best,

HER

[Redhead14]

While this guy does sound immature and lacking in ability to accept responsibility for his actions, I don't think its a good idea to make decisions in the heat of a moment. Take some time to come down from the anger and disappointment and make the decision with a clearer head. I hope you will end the relationship because you are too young to be tying yourself down to one guy, especially a guy who doesn't acknowledge your feelings, but do it when you're clear headed and focused on these statements -- I feel i should leave him and be a 19 year old and live my life and eventually ill find someone who would fulfill my needs -- He can be very selfish -- I just wish he would show up like i do -- I am sick of being let down.

 

"I love you and I dont want to lose you" -- He doesn't want to lose the one who does all the work in the relationship. You've made it too easy for him.

 

This thread is not about this incident. It's about a bigger problem -- HIM.

 

By the way, I would have given him the instructions for how to remove the goop and have him do it for you. If he was sorry about it and did it without realizing the hassle of it, he would have offered to do that for you.

Edited July 25, 2017 by Redhead14

[BaileyB]

This guy needs to mature and grow up some more...

 

You are way too young to tie yourself down to any relationship, particularly with a guy who has the emotional maturity of a teenager.