coolheadal Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 We have been dating for a month now, he was very full on at the start so I had to tell him to slow down basically, felt bit love bombed but what I noticed is even though his not been on the dating site since we met (you can check) I notice he adds random girls on FB, these are women who lives in our area...some are single and some are not but I just find it a strange thing to do. Is he using FB as a way to message women? if so he been lieing to me about me being the only girl he is interested in or seeing. This weekend we are meeting up, going to have dinner at his and I am guessing he is going put on the moves...but I obviously do not want sleep with him if he is still actively messaging other women especially as I feel he has been love bombing me at points though contact has declined this week. I just wonder how I should play this? I really do not want sleep with a guy just be dumped after, I had this happen before to me a couple of times but i dont want overreact either as im prone to that as well. Just bit advice be good What I don't get is the fact you know the signs and yet you settle for him. Is he that hot, that great, that wonderful and yet he's that sort of hidden player with women still. You know the story then END this CRAP! You JUST GOT PLAYED! Yet you been through this already and yet you still allow it to re-happen again an again. STOP IT! He's a Facebook relationship player you are the one that holds on to him. Let this jerk go and find a guy you can be happy with instead of worrying with! 2
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Ahh I wonder now if I should meet him face to face to confront him and give him a chance to explain then just end it. Against my better judgment I do like him, I defo will not be sleeping with him anyway. Confront, absolutely not. Talking about it is fine if that is what you want. You simply need to be clear about what you want / need / expect. 4
Miss Spider Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 (edited) What I don't get is the fact you know the signs and yet you settle for him. Is he that hot, that great, that wonderful and yet he's that sort of hidden player with women still. You know the story then END this CRAP! You JUST GOT PLAYED! Yet you been through this already and yet you still allow it to re-happen again an again. STOP IT! He's a Facebook relationship player you are the one that holds on to him. Let this jerk go and find a guy you can be happy with instead of worrying with! Well said. Life is too short and has too many options to hang on one that makes you that uncomfortable and stressed. Throw out the trash Edited July 21, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 I'm with you. It's like junior high never ends anymore. That said, I don't add ANYONE I don't know on FB - even if we have 50 mutual friends. I've learned the hard way lol Amen. Being active on social media just for social interaction sake is kind of a deal breaker for me. You can judge me all you want for that line in the sand but I've been around too long and have witnessed too much to know that nothing...and I mean NOTHING good ever comes from being active on social media whilst in a relationship. The sad truth is that very few people navigate with integrity while online anymore. Temptations are just too great. In your case OP, you like him so at the very least you should have a candid talk with him as already suggested. I agree that confronting him with any kind of aggression will only put him on the defensive and may not resolve much. It's all about the delivery that will help clarify his actions as well as your relationship. Good luck. 1
Author damni Posted July 21, 2017 Author Posted July 21, 2017 Confront, absolutely not. Talking about it is fine if that is what you want. You simply need to be clear about what you want / need / expect. Actually yes you are right...wrong go in all guns blazing. I think I may get more honest answer if I talk to him rationally about it. I keep you updated. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Go have that dinner. While there, sweetly, calmly & in a soft voice tell him something has been bothering you. Assure him that you know he has every right to befriend whomever he chooses on social media but the fact that he seems to be only friending women has left you worrying about your place in his life. See what he says. Do make sure you go home after this talk. That night is not the night to escalate your intimacy. You need to see if the behavior changes after the talk before you have sex. 1
fred123 Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Go have that dinner. While there, sweetly, calmly & in a soft voice tell him something has been bothering you. Assure him that you know he has every right to befriend whomever he chooses on social media but the fact that he seems to be only friending women has left you worrying about your place in his life. Do make sure you go home after this talk. That night is not the night to escalate your intimacy. You need to see if the behavior changes after the talk before you have sex. Talking is pointless. He will make up ****. Didnt u learn from my experience ? Lol 1
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Talking is pointless. He will make up ****. Didnt u learn from my experience ? Lol One chat is productive. Multiple discussions about the same stuff is pointless.
kendahke Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Ahh I wonder now if I should meet him face to face to confront him and give him a chance to explain then just end it. No. What's the point? That's nothing but unnecessary drama. You said you lost interest and blocked him. Let that speak for you. Against my better judgment I do like him, I defo will not be sleeping with him anyway. You'll get past this if you just leave him alone and don't indulge fantasies about reprimanding him.
Author damni Posted July 23, 2017 Author Posted July 23, 2017 UPDATE Well I was stupid and ended up confronting him over text then in person like I intended too. I lost my cool at something he said. Anyway, he was very defensive and said he was not talking to other women and any women he adds he knows he some way. He did text we are not official yet and for all he knew I was seeing other men. He offered let me look at his phone and delete his FB if that made me feel better. We ended up meeting today to talk in person further about it. He told me he was not after sex, he is willing to wait however long I needed and he really likes me. Considering we had not had the exclusive talk I decided I am going to let this go and continue dating him. I believe if he was not interested/or just wanted sex that he would given up at this point, its been a month and he still willing to wait long as I need and be respectful. Maybe I am being naive but we had a talk about lots of different things and we know now where we stand with each other. Willing see how it goes. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 *facepalm* I really hope it works out, though. Keep us updated if you can
d0nnivain Posted July 23, 2017 Posted July 23, 2017 He said all the right things which is something. It's unfortunate that you lost your cool & initiated this emotionally ladden conversation via text. That says more about your unsuitability as a long term partner then his adding women he knows as FB friends. 1
kendahke Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 (edited) UPDATE Well I was stupid and ended up confronting him over text then in person like I intended too. I lost my cool at something he said. Anyway, he was very defensive and said he was not talking to other women and any women he adds he knows he some way. He did text we are not official yet and for all he knew I was seeing other men. You've been put on notice. This is going to fizzle on his end rather rapidly now. He offered let me look at his phone and delete his FB if that made me feel better. We ended up meeting today to talk in person further about it. He told me he was not after sex, he is willing to wait however long I needed and he really likes me. This is called "lulling you into a stupor". It's designed to gaslight you and lead you to believe one thing when something completely different will be going on that you're not on a "need to know basis" yet. I'll also bet he's got a FB account on his work computer and/or under a completely different name that you'll never know about because human nature doesn't change after one combative conversation. Considering we had not had the exclusive talk I decided I am going to let this go and continue dating him. I believe if he was not interested/or just wanted sex that he would given up at this point, its been a month and he still willing to wait long as I need and be respectful. Maybe I am being naive but we had a talk about lots of different things and we know now where we stand with each other. Willing see how it goes. Pickings must be really slim on the ground there. Edited July 24, 2017 by kendahke 1
kortz Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 UPDATE He offered let me look at his phone and delete his FB if that made me feel better. My two cents...he offered to delete his facebook because he knew you'd say no, it's quite an extreme measure and if you said yes you'd look quite petty and insecure so he played you a bit there. And offering to look at his phone doesn't mean much, he can quite easily delete messages. And he might not be messaging the other girls but he clearly doesn't have eyes just for you. It's certainly not a good start to any relationship. 1
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