Why it is all about OLD now, do people even do things the natural way anymore ?

[Chilli]

This has been absolutely mind boggling to me not having been single for 19yrs.

After a divorce l did check out the online thing for a few mths but tbh, never wasted so much time meeting so many ridiculously unsuited people, EVER.

And that was being very fussy.

l threw hands in air and got the hell off after a few mths , later met someone and been in a relationship for 16mths .

Hasn't worked out so l guess now l guess l'll really get a proper taste of being single for really the first time in a very long time.

 

So , it's a new world out there, man oh man.

The terms people use , the way they talk,the attitudes, all the date apps all the OLD sites, if online and forums are anything to go by being single these days seems more like a job application or something.

 

Is that though the real world out there now in general , or is it just handfuls of people stuck on computers ?

Why does it seem as if OLD in some form or another seems to be the only way people do this stuff now , is that really how it is ?

Doesn't the old way even exist any more out there now , is there some reason people don't seem to do such a natural thing that way anymore ?

ls it people don't have normal social lives and live anymore or don't go out anymore or wth ?

Or is all that just a false impression from a small part of the things again with just handfuls of scattered people that are on pc's and in forums or what ?

 

To top it off , none of it even seems to lead to anything anyway for most except millions of dates with the wrong people

l dunno , just trying ti figure it out really because you get the impression if your not online your suppose to be screwed.

But then you seem double screwed even if you are anyway guys or girls.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Chilli

[jgraham11]

I'm only 25, but I wish it was more old school on how to meet people. I feel obligated to keep an OLD profile. Otherwise I feel like I might get left behind. I'm sure it happens, but not as often that's for sure. I think if people are meeting in person and getting to know each other that way it's usually co-workers or kids who go to college together. I think the days of going out to bars or something to meet that significant other is becoming less and less popular.

[Gaeta]

It depends on a lot of factors like your age, your location, your schedule and other things.

 

Lifestyle:

I am gone from home from 8 am to 6 pm on daily basis. When I get home I need to get dinner, laundry, walk the dog and attend to what has been waiting for me. I don't have time to run around in public places to hopefully meet someone suited for me. Weekends are equally as crazy. After being single 10 years I filled my life with other things.

 

Location:

I live up north in Canada. We are burried under snow from December to March. That is 4 months out of the year where the sun is down at 3h30pm and it's -20 outside. Forget about meeting someone 'naturally'.

 

Age:

I am 51 years old, I don't have the social network my daughter of 30 has. I spend most my time with my family and few friends. I have very few friends, I have 72 friends on FB to whom I am all blood related to.

 

New dating mentality:

Where I live people just don't approach each other in public. I am a pretty woman and in 10 years single I was approach maybe 2-3 times by men! 2-3 times in 10 years!!! If I had not gone online to find a boyfriend I know I would still be single and remain single for the rest of my life.

 

My bf is from France and over there people approach each other ALL THE TIME. When he moved here in my city and he tried it he was hit on the nose pretty fast. Here women don't want to be approached in shopping malls and men know it so they don't. My bf had to go online to meet someone and I am the first woman he met, he was my 1,440,998,334 probably. We've been dating 1,5 year.

 

So his story of being online will be it's great I met a woman right away, my story of being online is it's hard, took me 4 years and a million men later to meet 'my someone'. It doesn't matter, what matters is we met, doesn't matter how.

 

Also I want to mention that the few men that approached me in public, the big 3 of them, were not interesting prospect, 2 were only after sex so life and online is the same.

[GorillaTheater]

If I become single, I'm just going to hit on women at LS.

 

 

I have a pretty big social network, would have little or no desire to do the OLD thing, and have no problem striking up a conversation with a woman in person. My biggest problem would be remembering how to date at all. It's been since Reagan's first term since I've dated a new woman.

[Bastile]

l dunno , just trying ti figure it out really because you get the impression if your not online your suppose to be screwed.

 

Yeah, that's the impression that I got.

 

This thread is weird. You are complaining about online dating and the people that do it, whilst feeling compelled to do so yourself as if you have no autonomy.

 

 

Also I want to mention that the few men that approached me in public, the big 3 of them, were not interesting prospect, 2 were only after sex so life and online is the same.

 

It's very far from "the same".

 

You remember each of those three guys that had the balls to approach you years after the event. You'll likely never forget it, either. How many guys do you remember simply from an initial approach online that went no further than that?

 

As a man, I can get a number from a few approaches. I'm talking the most attractive women in the street. Do you think I could do that in a couple of right swipes on Tinder? lol

 

And when it often goes nowhere, I have had so many great connections on a human level with people. You don't get that on OLD.

 

It's also one hell of a buzz.

 

In OLD there is no value in the process itself. None.

[kendahke]

The "old way" works better the younger you are.

 

The older one is, the more life responsibilities they have which take up a lot of their mental time and energy, so they're not as apt to go out on a Wednesday night and drink when they've got a massive project they're working on in the morning. So, they do what is expedient: they go online to find what they want and they do it because it's far more convenient and doesn't require that they section off a huge chunk of their precious time for what may turn out to be a 15% return on investment if they went out.

[Chilli]

Hmm, damn interesting.

Sounds beautiful up there in a Canadian winter Gaeta, l'd love hibernating for 4mths.Not so good l guess for the social life though.

Ut's winter here now , no snow just some rainy cold days, even that turns you off getting out though.

Glad you met your man anyway,, best of luck and may you both grow old and fat and happy together haha.

Thanks for the story.

[Chilli]

Yeah, that's the impression that I got.

 

This thread is weird. You are complaining about online dating and the people that do it, whilst feeling compelled to do so yourself as if you have no autonomy.

 

 

 

 

It's very far from "the same".

 

You remember each of those three guys that had the balls to approach you years after the event. You'll likely never forget it, either. How many guys do you remember simply from an initial approach online that went no further than that?

 

As a man, I can get a number from a few approaches. I'm talking the most attractive women in the street. Do you think I could do that in a couple of right swipes on Tinder? lol

 

And when it often goes nowhere, I have had so many great connections on a human level with people. You don't get that on OLD.

 

It's also one hell of a buzz.

 

In OLD there is no value in the process itself. None.

 

 

No l wasn't complaining about it , ah hang on , maybe l was haha, But nope, l don't feel compelled to do it personally at all but it's as if you don't well, like l said.

And no , l wasn't really complaining about the people that do it , l don't care that's up to them.

l probably could have put it all better though, so what's new

 

l know what you mean about the RL connections, so different, so refreshing , snaps you out of computer land doesn't it.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Chilli

[Bastile]

l know what you mean about the RL connections, so different, so refreshing , snaps you out of computer land doesn't it.

 

Yeah, but it's also emotionally draining in it's own way. (more of a rollercoaster thing, rather than the slow dull ache of OLD).

 

You're a man, mate. Don't worry so much about what everyone else is, or isn't, doing. Do what you want to do, and live life on your own terms.

 

Don't have to play anyone's game but your own.

[Chilli]

Ironically , when l was married ex and l had single friends and we use to say- ha, if we were single now we'd just go on the net and find someone.

 

That's probably a big part of the divorce rate these days , aside from media and the bs around.

It appearing to other married people the way it did to us , not really being in it enough to know the real deal though,it all seemed so simple from a non caring ,married distance.

[Chilli]

Yeah, but it's also emotionally draining in it's own way. (more of a rollercoaster thing, rather than the slow dull ache of OLD).

 

Ahh right .

 

 

You're a man, mate. Don't worry so much about what everyone else is, or isn't, doing. Do what you want to do, and live life on your own terms.

 

Don't have to play anyone's game but your own.

 

 

Never have never will buddy, my life would make most peoples head spin so nope not worried about what anyone's doing , more baffled than anything l guess.

And more wondering if the women still get out there or what goes these days.

Have actually said through the forum a few times l'll bump into her when l do though.

Few live ones around to actually but l've still got gf stuff to sort tbh so not too fussed right now.

[Miss Spider]

Guys don't really flirt or interact with each other much unless they know each other where I'm from. They make eye contact, then flinch away like they were caught doing something bad. I was at school awhile back in the commons area, and in walks this GORGEOUS girl. She had these HUGE yaknows and ahem I was like O.O. I'm straight but I needed to pick my jaw up off the floor. But I'm curious, because I notice most of the guys are staring, some giggling, so I watch not even the boldest says hi to her the whole time she sat by me with her friends. Seriously, what even is that?

 

 

I like kind of geeky, quiet guys and they really don't go around hitting on strange women, unfortunately

[Bastile]

Ironically , when l was married ex and l had single friends and we use to say- ha, if we were single now we'd just go on the net and find someone.

 

That's probably a big part of the divorce rate these days , aside from media and the bs around.

It appearing to other married people the way it did to us , not really being in it enough to know the real deal though,it all seemed so simple from a non caring ,married distance.

 

I'm 31, and have grown up in the internet age. Seen the way it's changed things.

 

When I started having girlfriend's, there was no social media. It was bliss, thinking about it now

 

Women just love attention, and some guys love giving it to them.

 

Makes the levels of nonsense I've had to deal with rise exponentially. The average boundaries of people seem non-existent at times.

 

Certainly a different world. The question is on adapting to it all.

[Chilli]

Guys don't really flirt or interact with each other much unless they know each other where I'm from. They make eye contact, then flinch away like they were caught doing something bad. I was at school awhile back in the commons area, and in walks this GORGEOUS girl. She had these HUGE yaknows and ahem I was like O.O. I'm straight but I needed to pick my jaw up off the floor. But I'm curious, because I notice most of the guys are staring, some giggling, so I watch not even the boldest says hi to her the whole time she sat by me with her friends. Seriously, what even is that?

 

 

I like kind of geeky, quiet guys and they really don't go around hitting on strange women, unfortunately

 

 

Yeah right. l would've thought at school or college things would still be normal same old same old, that's a shame.

Although my daughters 16 and all her friends do everything via ipad so what am l say.

Meet all their new bf and gf or flirts, arrange all their parties or get together, everything and even talking is mostly , all through ipad.or phone app.

But they they do have a pretty good combo l must admit because it is all still real for them as they all do get together at the end of it all at who evers place in person.

But it's weird , even all their friends at school , they usually actually chat each other up on ipad or phone app first , and then they meet at school, when they've been walking past each other in RL at school for 12mths or whatever

They're classics the way they do things now.

[knabe]

I'm kind of with you Chilli. I think we do it via computer because our emotional intelligence as a whole has gone in the crapper. Think about what people think it's perfectly fine to spout when they are hiding behind a screen! Then add in the consumerism and shopping mentality we have about basically everything. OLD allows us to indulge that by shopping for the best "item" and "object"

 

Organic meetings require actual social skills on the fly.

[Chilli]

I'm 31, and have grown up in the internet age. Seen the way it's changed things.

 

When I started having girlfriend's, there was no social media. It was bliss, thinking about it now

 

 

 

<<< Same of course and yeah it was bliss. l use to ride horses when l was a kid and l met my very first ever gf taking her for a ride on the back.

And let me tell ya, two bodies getting bounced around on a horse together, man , certainly beats a computer.

Ahh, those were days, l had so many gf's l didn't know which way to turn.

 

 

 

Women just love attention, and some guys love giving it to them.

 

Makes the levels of nonsense I've had to deal with rise exponentially. The average boundaries of people seem non-existent at times.

 

Certainly a different world. The question is on adapting to it all.

 

 

Yeah , you see it all over the net now, zero boundaries , totally desensitized, pretty sad to watch really and could you only imagine 30yrs time.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

I'm kind of with you Chilli. I think we do it via computer because our emotional intelligence as a whole has gone in the crapper. Think about what people think it's perfectly fine to spout when they are hiding behind a screen! Then add in the consumerism and shopping mentality we have about basically everything. OLD allows us to indulge that by shopping for the best "item" and "object"

 

Organic meetings require actual social skills on the fly.

 

 

Yeah , exactly how l've been thinking. Sad really as l was just saying in the other post.

[Gr8fuln2020]

This has been absolutely mind boggling to me not having been single for 19yrs.

After a divorce l did check out the online thing for a few mths but tbh, never wasted so much time meeting so many ridiculously unsuited people, EVER.

And that was being very fussy.

l threw hands in air and got the hell off after a few mths , later met someone and been in a relationship for 16mths .

Hasn't worked out so l guess now l guess l'll really get a proper taste of being single for really the first time in a very long time.

 

So , it's a new world out there, man oh man.

The terms people use , the way they talk,the attitudes, all the date apps all the OLD sites, if online and forums are anything to go by being single these days seems more like a job application or something.

 

Is that though the real world out there now in general , or is it just handfuls of people stuck on computers ?

Why does it seem as if OLD in some form or another seems to be the only way people do this stuff now , is that really how it is ?

Doesn't the old way even exist any more out there now , is there some reason people don't seem to do such a natural thing that way anymore ?

ls it people don't have normal social lives and live anymore or don't go out anymore or wth ?

Or is all that just a false impression from a small part of the things again with just handfuls of scattered people that are on pc's and in forums or what ?

 

To top it off , none of it even seems to lead to anything anyway for most except millions of dates with the wrong people

l dunno , just trying ti figure it out really because you get the impression if your not online your suppose to be screwed.

But then you seem double screwed even if you are anyway guys or girls.

 

IMHO, fundamentally, OLD allows people to access other people much more readily and conveniently. This easy access turns OLD into an a la carte of options. For whatever reason, whether too busy or unhealthily introverted and/or asocial, OLD brings out some of the best and too many of the damaged or bad.

 

My experience with OLD has been mostly positive. Many ladies out there trying to find someone...someone better than they were married to or have dated. Too many people become greatly cynical after having one failed date or relationship after another making it difficult for some of us who have our scooby snacks together to find someone 'stable.'

 

OLD (the tech era) has created a generation of people who have become less patient, less committed and with a disposable mindset. GIGS is a huge problem. I find myself, at times, having to be more disciplined when it comes to dating OLD so that I don't become a victim of the effects of GIGS. Something goes wrong and I some times think to myself, 'hmm...this may not work out. I wonder who else is out there? I wonder if anyone else messaged me?'

 

It's tough and I think it's getting more difficult, but I haven't given up. Do people still do it the old fashion way? Of course. But OLD is definitely a norm today.

[SevenCity]

I'd like to think the selection on OLD is a subset of the available women but that has no evidence behind it.

 

I'm in a similar situation to you. Out of the dating scene for 17 years and disappointed with what it has become.

 

At first, OLD seems like a candy store. All these attractive women! Then you go through the typical filtering by reading the profiles and become disgusted with the rampant use of cliches (Love to travel, big foodie, very sarcastic, want to explore everything this city has to offer, not looking for a hookup, etc. It's like the default text in my area). This narrows down the pool considerably. Then, you don't get replies from most.

 

Still, you manage to setup dates. Most don't look like their pics. A few you find attractive and give it a go. After a month or two you realize why this seemingly normal girl is still single. You get rid or her and start the process all over again only to repeat the same.

 

OLD is good for sex but I haven't seen real results like a LTR with a sane woman.

 

I'm on my way to throwing in the towel or forgoing my deal breakers and just having fun with it. I'm sure there are great matches out there but I'm feeling I will never meet them. It's depressing to say the least.

 

I've always been a IRL guy but my current surroundings don't produce any women that I care to date so I've suffered through OLD.

 

Last weekend was the first time I was dateless in a while and I actually enjoyed the time at home. What keeps me trying is I don't think I will enjoy it in 10 years.

[Chilli]

Eh Sc.

Man that all sends a chill up my spine my experience back when was exactly the same.

Sadly , l felt almost damaged from it by the time l got of it, only 3mths.

The type of girls l was meeting or the matches they'd send or the ones that would contact me first , all the repeating profile writeups, same jargon over and over, felt almost insulted tbh.

Me and ex w use to laugh thinking it must be a candy store out there too these days but when l tried it it was far far from candy.

But l did meet 2 or 3 seemed like great ladies in person, wasn't interested in meeting any of the others l talked to. They had their feet on the ground , just honestly out there looking for a mate like me .

Can't knock that can ya.

So among the mess they are on there.

Sadly when l just took a look back in there a few wks back , yrs later, l saw nearly all of them still on there, pretty sad.

 

My area in general isn't exactlly famous for it's lookers but it is famous for the women being pretty gun shy and hard to approach.

But l have seen a few around , l don't need many to get myself into trouble haha but the few l do see are well worth the wait sooooo, seems as l find myself out there again, l'm sorta half worried half exited about the prospects.

The small town l've just bought my house in is about the same ,half worry , half a little exited.

As l'm noticing a few coming out of the woodwork just lately soooo, never know.

Firt few mths l moved here l was still with gf but seeing who was around l was pretty thankful l was too , but it is looking a little better just lately thank God and l've had a few nice encounters too so that's encouraging,

Edited July 20, 2017 by Chilli

[niji]

Is that though the real world out there now in general , or is it just handfuls of people stuck on computers ?

Why does it seem as if OLD in some form or another seems to be the only way people do this stuff now , is that really how it is ?

Doesn't the old way even exist any more out there now , is there some reason people don't seem to do such a natural thing that way anymore ?

 

I did. It's called being single for 6 years . Granted I wasn't actively looking, but whatever that it was, it either failed because of inavailability or incompatibility. I didn't want to settle for the first dude who hit on me on the street, so I went online to look. And I'm just one of the few success stories (so far) of people who've met their SOs online. Not a social media user, neither is my SO. I have an Instagram to post pictures of traveling (never of my face and even as a millenial I despise selfies), my SO has FB and he posts about twice a year That's to give you a context - we didn't go online because we enjoyed living our "virtual" life; we went online because we didn't want to settle for the options off of it.

 

So tell me, how do I find a person in real life when:

 

- I work in a professional fields with odd hours; sometimes normal but sometimes not, and always work every other weekend?

 

- All of my coworkers are either my parents' age, or they are taken

 

- I despise crowds and socializing in a bar would probably send me into a vomit whirlwind real fast (I "network" just fine as a professional but I can tell you that after these events end, all I want to do is crawl into my room and be all by myself for a week)

 

- My hobbies are those best enjoyed alone (writing, photography, etc)

 

For every person who thinks OLD is fake and creepy and lacking in human touches (and it sure is, I wanted to vomit a bizillion times before I met my SO online; I just ignored these creeps until my SO messaged me), there's a person like me who would have very limited options in real life; either try to snatch someone's husband (not a good idea) or settle for the first dude who has a penis and is interested. And I doubt I'm alone; I'm sure there are many introverts out there who despise small talks, who can get by socially in life just fine but hate the cringing conversations with that guy at the coffee shop who sees you with a camera and goes on to blab about he's also a "photographer" (I don't want to sound arrogant, but people can be awfully pretentious when trying to impress someone else that it's cringe-worthy). We are people who do not enjoy the virtual social media life, but we simply are not able to meet people IRL because of our personality and/or profession. For us, once we finished schools and are still single, we would be done.

 

Human interaction has changed drastically because of the Internet; human relationships dynamics have also changed. But human nature has not changed. All that you talk about - people being lazy and want convenience, people have serious GIGS, are traits that have existed as long as homo sapiens did. But because of the Internet, people simply are enabled to express these traits easily because opportunities abound.

 

For me, knowing that there are a bizillion men out there that are available and willing, I still only want my SO alone. Not because he's the best, but because he's the best for me.

 

There are people with GIGS, and there are people who are lazy and just want the convenient serial monogamous relationships type. These people would have loved to do that before the Internet existed, but they couldn't because there were fewer opportunities. Those who don't have GIGS and truly want a deeper connection will not look for the next green pasture, Internet or not. Think about it... Would you rather have a wife who's faithful because she has no chance to cheat (confined to the house 24/7 with 7 crying children 1 year apart each with no transportation of her own in the 19th century), or one who's faithful because she chooses to, despite the options?

 

Think of the Internet as a weeding tool that shows you who people really really are, when there's very little consequences to what they do.

Edited July 20, 2017 by niji

[Chilli]

Well you sound pretty cool to me niji and thanks for that.

happy for you finding a nice ending too ,good for youn and best of luck

But yeah not into any of the social media crap either myself.

Gazillion women out there to it seems on those sites but the sorta girl l like is a needle in a hey stack on them but still , you found your needle in a haystack didn't you so who knows.

 

l must admit, l couldn't even begin to explain the person l am on some profile and people on them couldn't begin to imagine who l am either so that's one of the very discouraging parts but that special girl can see it in a heartbeat in RL and l can see her in RL.

l could see her on a site too, l could see her from the way she talks, writes, things she'll say, but finding someone like her on those sites , nother story.

 

Still,your a rare one too, but you two found each other on there somehow so , can never say never l guess.

That's encouraging if l do resort to them again.

 

Best for the future and you guys hey.

[Chilli]

PS

wtf is a GIGS everyone keeps talking about anyway ?

[SevenCity]

I too have seen the same girls on there for almost a year. It's sad to think that with all the millions of people doing it that there aren't more matches happening.

 

Niji has a nice story (sans the 6 year part!) but stories like that don't happen everyday. I related to a lot of it as I'm an introvert as well and prefer an introverted woman (though I am quick to action if I see a girl I like).

 

I was so naive when I first started old. I thought it was just a collection of people like Niji who didn't have much opportunity to meet others. I was sadly mistaken.

 

The last two girls I met were a perfect example. First one is so full of herself she has to mention how hot she is like 15 times (I didn't think she was that hot at all). Ended up foing around with her regardless and then came to my senses the next day that she's not LTR (But easily could have been a FB).

 

Next one setup a date with and through text she is telling me how hurt she was from the last guy who left her and don't waste her time if I'm just looking for sex. I took a page from my maturity handbook and cancelled the date Again, could have had sex with her but just not worth the drama especially since we hadn't met!

 

I want something substantial but I fear I'll end up settling for "good enough".

[grays]

I was very resistant to OLD at first but I am happy to say its been a blast. Ive met a ton of cool people that i would never run across in my everyday life.

 

One thing that helps keep me sane is having no or very little expectations. Everyone is a potential new friend. If there is some real chemistry, thats an exciting bonus. But almost everyone Ive met has been fun to hang out with at least for a couple of drinks or a meal. I havent found a ltr, but its only been recently that im more open to that idea.

 

In the three years that ive been OLD, ive had year+ FWB/dating with four different people, which has really been great for my purposes. And three of those are still active and Im so happy I have them around as support while Im more actively trying to find a boyfriend. Like, about a month ago i had a rough spot w a guy I had been dating for almost six months (also met online) and I was able to call an awesome FWB and told him I was feeling all butthurt and needed him to come over and be adoring. He did and it was awesome. I am really happy that Ive been able to scrap together a really nice support system. Ive also met a couple of guys that ive just been friends with and I value those a ton, too.

 

I dont think my IRL match rate is any better or worse, but its very infrequent that i really get to know someone ive met IRL. And when I do, im pretty conscious that I gotta be careful, dont wanna **** in my own backyard, as it were -- so no dads from my kids school and im very wary of salsa dancers bc salsa feeds my soul and i dont wanna mess that up.