Unsure about her agenda

[mmx7979]

Hi people,

 

M 37 years/ G 36 years

 

I was meating a nice girl about 5 weeks ago (from a dating app) and we had instant chemistry/attraction and we were already making out from the second date.

 

All togehter we went on 6 great dates and she is showing me a lot of affection but nevertheless she wants to have feelings first, before we take it to the next level. This is totaly fine for me because I have developed strong feelings for her over this period.

 

She is telling me, that I'm very romantic, a strong man and all in all perfect in her eyes. I think its because I treated her like a gentleman every time we were on a date. She is also already making plans for 2 months ahead like doing togehter a wine course or checking out some concerts.

 

We are also in daily contact by SMS since the 4th date and I see as well that she stopped using the dating app.

 

Today she went on a 2 week summer vacation with her parents and I want to use the time to reflect the whole "relationship" and how serious she really is.

 

My last relationship was lasting 7 years until it was finished last year in april and the post break up periode was hell for me because there was so much love from my side involved. While she was only together with me to gain a better social status.

 

Anyways, because of my bad past experiences with women I became quite aware and do not trust anything what they tell me even though it might be real affection. I even started questioning a good thing what I have with my present girl.

 

I see that I invest more to my present girl than she does with me but this doesn't really bother me. What I really wonder about is how genuine this new girl is with me? Do I over analyze things? Or should I be careful?

 

She is interested in something serious and she mentioned that she wants to have 3 children. As well as she says already "we" and "us"

[Miss Spider]

I think you are overanalyzing, indeed. Nothing looks wrong so far. You have to have trust if you want a good relationship to work out. There is no other way.

[MountainGirl111]

You're probably overanalyzing, sure. But, some of that is based on your prior experience with your last long term relationship. You just automatically think you're going to end up hurt and burned.

 

Well, life just doesn't have built-in guarantees. It just doesn't. But worrying too much about (possible) end outcomes takes away from enjoying the present. Things are going well so far. In life that's sometimes about all the reassurance we're going to get. That's just reality. So, just try to enjoy the journey along the way. I hope you do!

 

Maybe she doesn't even have an "agenda". Why would you assume she has an agenda? Do you have an agenda?

[smackie9]

You only had six dates.....you are getting way ahead of yourself. When people talk of kids and crap, it's just talk and not promises so you better get that straight.

 

You are still getting to know one another so stop investing so much so soon.

[Michelle ma Belle]

First of all, you're only 5 weeks into dating this girl so you both need to put this whole thing into perspective.

 

Second, love is about taking risks. You can't ever truly fall in love unless you're willing to risk getting hurt. And if you've been hurt before, you're especially fearful of opening up and being vulnerable again.

 

But that's life. You live, you love and you learn, good and bad.

 

Do yourself a favor and STOP over analyzing this relationship, including comparing it to your past relationship. Take it one day at a time and do what feels naturally rather than forced or even expected. You've only been dating 5 weeks for heaven's sake. Relax. Enjoy the journey rather than jump ahead to the future.

 

Good luck.

[act00]

Five weeks -- you're over-analyzing, and I don't blame you, as we all want to know now and jump ahead, but you've got to slow down and just enjoy her and get to know her. The honeymoon phase will be wearing off soon, and things start to get real. This is when you'll get a better idea of whether you want to move forward or not. I understand feeling hesitant about getting involved and hurt again, but if you want to fall in love and have a relationship, it involves some risk. Just enjoy her for now and let things take its natural course.

[preraph]

This dating time is specifically for you to keep learning about each other. Everyone is on their best behavior the first few months or weeks and that goes away eventually -- and you said yourself you're putting forth effort to be a gentleman and all, so you know that. 5 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things. So just stop trying to categorize this and decide its fate already. It's too soon. You just keep dating and keep talking to each other about your thoughts and hopes and dreams and fears, and then in a few months, see if your financial habits and capabilities line up and are compatible. By then you'll know if your temperaments are something you can both deal with and work through problems with or if you hit the wall. You will eventually have to see about religious beliefs and see if you agree on how to raise children, but that is at least year down the road, wouldn't you say?

 

I think you're in too big a hurry to bring this to its conclusion and you just can't always see around corners, so just keep your heart and ears open and find out about her.

[lbjanieb]

I'm with you. I overanalyze and am overly cautious. Sounds like you have a right to be. You haven't said anything that stands out as wrong with her. But just take it as slow as you're comfortable with. If she's right for you she'll hang out. People are always going to misunderstand each other at some point and hit rough road. It's how you get through those things that is the real tell of how well suited you are to each other. Also what's helpful is to have one or two trusted friends that can help you be more objective. Blessings!