WNM Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 I have been OLD for a while, but have never been one to date multiple people at the same time. I'm pretty independent and enjoy my alone time/time with friends and don't want to spend night after night going on dates with different people. I usually go on a couple dates a month and if there's no spark I move on, if there is a spark I will continue to date that person until it eventually fizzles out in one way or another. I can think of 3 guys over the past 2 years I really started to fall for. They all started off with what appeared to be a very strong mutual interest, but then at some point they became distant and did the "slow fade". (I recently posted about the last one.) Anyways, for all 3 guys I found out after the fact it was due to them meeting/dating someone else who they apparently felt a stronger connection with. I totally get that's the nature of OLD, but it has really been taking a toll on my self confidence. I find myself asking why I am never the one they decide pursue long term. How do you not let this affect you? It makes it harder and harder to "put myself out there" because of the fear they will end up "choosing" someone else over me anyways. I'm starting to wonder if since I've never dated more than one person at a time, I don't fully understand what it's like to be able to actively compare prospects and then choose who fits best for me. Any thoughts or advice on this?
Miss Spider Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 (edited) Maybe it has nothing to do with you except the guys you are choosing? Like you said, I believe it's the nature of online dating. A lot of men there are not looking for anything lasting. Not saying all men on there are that way, but it's a process to weed out who is and isn't. That's just three. Maybe they were just not looking for a lasting connection with anyone. do you know? Anyway, confidence really comes from within. It's that attitude that you know you are a catch and you are deserving of love and happiness. And not gonna waste time on people who don't see it, Edited July 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough 2
Chilli Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 You probably need to date less if anything. We're suppose to use our picker about whom we go out with. So anyone dating dozens of people can't possible be using their picker. Because if we do ,then it's only actually one in 1000's we're actually suited to or feel the right way about to even go on a date with in the first place, So why not enjoy life instead until your picker actually likes somebody worthwhile. Hmm, that sounds filthy , l know.
act00 Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 Can I get clarification on timing and how often you see "Prince Charming?" You state you like your alone time and friend time. You state you date only a couple times a month, BUT when you like someone you'll continue to date that person. How often? I mean, I'm assuming you would see them more than twice a month if you were interested, but are you prioritizing your alone time and time with friends over him? Do you see him once a week, twice a week, every other week? Do you avoid weekends with him so you can go out with friends and deal with other activities and decompress, leaving him to weeknights only, when there are obligations and bed times? It could just be different needs, but I suspect if you're always busy with "other things," particularly during times that he can relax and not worry about work/school in the morning, he's going to find someone who is more available during those times. Conflicting schedules can make it a bit more difficult (late/early hours, one has weekends off, the other doesn't, etc.). When you meet this guy you really like, do you put in effort? Do you take more time for him? I was dating someone who was busy, and while I found myself alone on Friday and Saturday, he had his activities, so I kept my toes in the pond. The only time we had was when I had to leave early due to early work, and that's okay in the beginning, but at some point, it's not enough, and I would like time where I don't have restrictions and a little bit more priority. He always had other priorities, and many you absolutely can't argue with (kids/work/aging parents) and many you're left wondering, "Where do I fit in?" There's really no way to predict or know. I really hit it off with a couple of guys, and there was no reason to suspect anything was amiss, but they exited. It happens. Based on your description, I question if you're not creating a balance or putting time in, or they want more than you can give?
BaileyB Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 When I started to feel this way, I took a break from dating. I focused on the things that I loved to do, spend time with my family and friends... And when I dated again, I had a new perspective on dating. Good luck to you. 1
Author WNM Posted July 21, 2017 Author Posted July 21, 2017 Can I get clarification on timing and how often you see "Prince Charming?" You state you like your alone time and friend time. You state you date only a couple times a month, BUT when you like someone you'll continue to date that person. How often? I mean, I'm assuming you would see them more than twice a month if you were interested, but are you prioritizing your alone time and time with friends over him? Do you see him once a week, twice a week, every other week? Do you avoid weekends with him so you can go out with friends and deal with other activities and decompress, leaving him to weeknights only, when there are obligations and bed times? It could just be different needs, but I suspect if you're always busy with "other things," particularly during times that he can relax and not worry about work/school in the morning, he's going to find someone who is more available during those times. Conflicting schedules can make it a bit more difficult (late/early hours, one has weekends off, the other doesn't, etc.). When you meet this guy you really like, do you put in effort? Do you take more time for him? I was dating someone who was busy, and while I found myself alone on Friday and Saturday, he had his activities, so I kept my toes in the pond. The only time we had was when I had to leave early due to early work, and that's okay in the beginning, but at some point, it's not enough, and I would like time where I don't have restrictions and a little bit more priority. He always had other priorities, and many you absolutely can't argue with (kids/work/aging parents) and many you're left wondering, "Where do I fit in?" There's really no way to predict or know. I really hit it off with a couple of guys, and there was no reason to suspect anything was amiss, but they exited. It happens. Based on your description, I question if you're not creating a balance or putting time in, or they want more than you can give? Sorry I should have clarified- the "twice a month dates" are like typical first dates with guys just to see if there is a connection. If I end up liking a guy then I will eagerly make time for them- usually 1-2 dates a week in the beginning. I don't avoid weekends or anything like that, if anything I try to be as available as I can while still making time for friends and myself. I just a read a few posts regarding "love bombing". Never heard of the term before but that is exactly what most of these guys exhibited. They come on very strong in the beginning- lots of compliments, pay for everything, total gentlemen...but after a while it fades and they lose interest. Maybe it is the type of guys I always end up falling for. I definitely don't like obsessive types but I do tend to like the chivalrous "sweep you off your feet" type. However from my experience they aren't always being genuine. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 I was only on OLD for a very short time but it did awful things to my confidence. My advice, get off OLD. 1
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