playadelraya Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I know no one can tell me how I should feel but any advice would be appreciated. Last year.. I was hooking up with a guy that I quickly become emotionally invested and attached to (being as he was my first). He had disappeared for months, I never reached out during this period, but then started hitting back up. By this time I decided not to see him again because I was hurt. So I basically ignored him. Two more months go by and he decides to ask me why I ignore him (after two months!). I asked him why he cares and he said it's because he wants to see me. I came clean to him and I said I would like to see him too, but not in his bed. I basically told him we want two different things and he said "that's ok too".. I then told him that we should go out and do something and he said "ok". I said I wasn't trying to force him at all then he just asked why don't I like hanging out at his place. The last time we had hung out I had a pregnancy scare and I told him that night was horrible for me and that I felt like he hated me. He said "I apologize honestly, I don't hate you at all. I like you a lot". I finally told him that we both know that he does not like me because you don't treat someone you like like that. Then I told him he was the first guy I had ever been with which is why I never spoke up about anything but I've learned to since then. He didn't reply after this.. After telling a guy friend what happened he basically said that if I would've given him no attention he would've "come running to me down to my knees". He then said I basically told him how emotionally broken I am.. and how he basically left me again. This was not my intention at ALL. Now I feel like an idiot but tbh it would've came out sooner or later because it was starting to eat me up inside. Do you think my guy friend was right? My intentions were to just let him know I wasn't going to hop back into bed with someone who doesn't treat me right.. maybe I went too far with the whole "you're the first guy" thing. A part of me feels really stupid and regretful because I could've maybe kept it cool and a part of me is glad I finally came clean.
olivetree Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I know no one can tell me how I should feel but any advice would be appreciated. Last year.. I was hooking up with a guy that I quickly become emotionally invested and attached to (being as he was my first). He had disappeared for months, I never reached out during this period, but then started hitting back up. By this time I decided not to see him again because I was hurt. So I basically ignored him. Two more months go by and he decides to ask me why I ignore him (after two months!). I asked him why he cares and he said it's because he wants to see me. I came clean to him and I said I would like to see him too, but not in his bed. I basically told him we want two different things and he said "that's ok too".. I then told him that we should go out and do something and he said "ok". I said I wasn't trying to force him at all then he just asked why don't I like hanging out at his place. The last time we had hung out I had a pregnancy scare and I told him that night was horrible for me and that I felt like he hated me. He said "I apologize honestly, I don't hate you at all. I like you a lot". I finally told him that we both know that he does not like me because you don't treat someone you like like that. Then I told him he was the first guy I had ever been with which is why I never spoke up about anything but I've learned to since then. He didn't reply after this.. After telling a guy friend what happened he basically said that if I would've given him no attention he would've "come running to me down to my knees". He then said I basically told him how emotionally broken I am.. and how he basically left me again. This was not my intention at ALL. Now I feel like an idiot but tbh it would've came out sooner or later because it was starting to eat me up inside. Do you think my guy friend was right? My intentions were to just let him know I wasn't going to hop back into bed with someone who doesn't treat me right.. maybe I went too far with the whole "you're the first guy" thing. A part of me feels really stupid and regretful because I could've maybe kept it cool and a part of me is glad I finally came clean. Basically what you communicated to him was that even though he treated you badly and you think he doesn't like you, you're still willing to hang out with him. So he saw that you are not confident in yourself and he ran away. Moving forward, it's better to communicate with your actions than your words. So rather than saying, "I'm not going to bed with you" ... just don't go to bed with him. It also saves you from the embarrassment of saying you're not going to do one thing and then doing another.
Author playadelraya Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Wow..well, honestly I feel like whatever I say to him it's just not going to come out right. I thought I was doing the right thing by saying if I saw him again it wasn't going to be at his place but I guess it wasn't. Lol now I just feel like a complete dumbass!
stillafool Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I don't think what you told him made him not contact you again. Who cares? You told the truth so don't feel bad about it. He should have been flattered that you let him be the first guy to have sex with you but instead he stopped contact. If he were interested you two would be dating exclusively by now.
Author playadelraya Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Yeah I'm not going to chase someone who doesn't want the same thing as me. I felt like he was trying to manipulate me into hooking up with him again and that wasn't going to happen. Sure, now, I wish I wouldn't have said I wanted to go out with him, but it was the truth.
olivetree Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Wow..well, honestly I feel like whatever I say to him it's just not going to come out right. I thought I was doing the right thing by saying if I saw him again it wasn't going to be at his place but I guess it wasn't. Lol now I just feel like a complete dumbass! I didn't mean to come off harsh, so sorry if I did. No need to feel stupid though. Just don't bother with guys that ghost you or that you don't trust.
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Good for you! Forget him, really. Find a guy worth your time that you can actually have a meaningful relationship with
act00 Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I don't think it's bad that you told him what you told him. It would make him come back and treat you better or run away. He ran away. I just think he needs to know these things. If no one tells him he's being a jerk, he'll just continue being a jerk, and maybe he will still continue despite being told. It won't necessarily change him until he's ready to make those changes. You are not what he wants right now. He wants to play. He doesn't want to have anything serious right now, or perhaps not with you. Let this go. It's harder for you in that he's your first, but you made the choice to go along with a hookup. I don't know if he put it out there that he was wanting something serious at the time you started sleeping together, but if that's the case, he needs to know that his actions caused pain. Maybe he'll be more careful in the future. Pulling a disappearing act like that is not cool. It's fine you ignored him when he starting calling on you again. It's fine you told him how you felt about it when he called you out. Drop it at this point. No need to expand. Just go back to ignoring if he contacts you again.
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