Rko28 Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 It's been almost 6 weeks, this past week I have started to accept it's over and she's not coming back (she acceptance it's over thread) I joined tinder past weekend and to my surprise I've matched with quite a few nice looking girls. One of which is super hot and seems nice to chat to, we've been chatting everyday since Sunday and we are going on a date tomorrow night. I've told her my story how I've just become single but getting there and she says theres no harm meeting for a drink and seeing what happens. In some ways I feel like it's too soon but then again is it? She's 100% not coming back and I have this opportunity to meet someone really hot (no expectations)
Been Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Of course do it but watch yourself about talking about your ex-if she ask about for ex just give the shortest answer-dont give a blow by blow of what happened. I would honestly let her control the conversation. Good luck.
SevenCity Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Of course do it but watch yourself about talking about your ex-if she ask about for ex just give the shortest answer-dont give a blow by blow of what happened. I would honestly let her control the conversation. Good luck. Agreed 100%. NEVER talk about her or your feeling or she will ruin a good thing from the grave. If asked say "It didn't work out" and "We broke up a while ago" and change the subject. Watch yourself starting to feel much better when you have girls who want to see you rather than walk away. It will be hard not to compare but you have to start somewhere. Don't screw up an opportunity because of your past. Leave the heartbreak discussions for your buddies or therapist. Keep it out of dating. Edited to add: You go dude! 1
preraph Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Just meet them and try to keep it light and not talk about your breakup and show her some fun and just try to have a fun night and forget your worries. You don't have to jump into anything. You can be honest with her if your feelings for your ex or it being too soon get in the way.
Author Rko28 Posted July 20, 2017 Author Posted July 20, 2017 Tonight is off! We were talking and she said she couldn't date anyone that has friends that are female, I said well that's a shame because I have 3 female friends that I'm close to. She didn't like it and then said she didn't like the fact I had brown eyes either,prefers green!! Biggest red flags ever? Worryingly this has just made me think of my ex more now as it's reminded me some of the drama you can get when dating. There was none of that with my ex!
MarvelFan1 Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 It sucks dude, but better you find out now than when your out on a date. A lucky escape for you!! Just keep chatting with the other ladies you matched up with, it's always nice to be wanted
Redhead14 Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 (edited) It's been almost 6 weeks, She's 100% not coming back -- Said every thread starter in their heads before they started posting because their EX was reaching out to them after 3, 4, 5 months and now stressing over what's going on and being distracted and hurt again . . . Give yourself some more time. The break up grieving process goes through cycles and you never really know when or what will trigger an emotion(s). She's 100% not coming back -- Whether that's true or not, the question you need to ask yourself is "Do I want her back?". When you can answer that question with certainty and consistently over time, then you are at least more prepared to move forward. Write that question down and put it on your refrigerator. Write down today's date and write today's answer next to it. Then do that again tomorrow and then say a week from now. If your answer is changing back and forth . . . you aren't ready for another relationship. That said, there isn't anything wrong with going out and having a nice time as long as you are clear with them and yourself about keeping things casual. Edited July 20, 2017 by Redhead14
PegNosePete Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 this past week I have started to accept it's over Started? Well, when you finish accepting that, maybe that is the time to start dating others. In some ways I feel like it's too soon but then again is it? Yes. The day you don't think it's soon soon, is the day it's not too soon. But that day has not arrived yet. Sounds like you dodged a weirdo there anyway. Or she was just messing with you or attention seeking. Or your talk of the ex put her off so she found an excuse.
Author Rko28 Posted July 20, 2017 Author Posted July 20, 2017 All good points above. I didn't say anything about my ex other than we had split 6 weeks ago. I was sorta relieved when these red flags came up as I don't think I feel ready at all for this, I just want a date though, just to get back on the horse and say I've been on one
ExpatInItaly Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 All good points above. I didn't say anything about my ex other than we had split 6 weeks ago. I was sorta relieved when these red flags came up as I don't think I feel ready at all for this, I just want a date though, just to get back on the horse and say I've been on one Who are you trying to prove yourself to, though?
Author Rko28 Posted July 20, 2017 Author Posted July 20, 2017 Who are you trying to prove yourself to, though? Me, hope this doesn't sound arrogant but I know I can attract girls (maybe not the right kind) just mentally I'd like to go on a date to prove to myself I can still do it, still make girls want to see me again. Probably sounds messed up to a lot of you I'm sure
Jsos91 Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 My breakup was around the same time as yours. Honestly I went on a couple dates just to see how I would feel. There was absolutely no spark in either of them which just made me miss my ex and feel brutal afterwards. I think it depends on who you are but those dates alone proved to me I definitely wasn't ready! 1
BG1 Posted July 20, 2017 Posted July 20, 2017 OP My advice would be to take time and stop seeking validation. It's completely understandable, but by the sounds of things you are not ready and probably some personal work needs to be done before you can put yourself out there in a positive way. Also if you can direct that energy and time towards you, you will move on quicker. It's my opinion and I'm talking from personal experience, I had a break up 5 months ago and I waited 4 months intentionally to start thinking about seeing other people. Now I feel empowered as I reach tranquillity being by myself and anything on top of that is an extra.
PegNosePete Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Probably sounds messed up to a lot of you I'm sure It doesn't sound messed up at all. Great that you're being honest. The issue I would have, is this. You're going on a date just to prove to yourself that you've still got it. What would you think if the situation were reversed? In the future when you're over your ex and single and looking for a new partner, you meet up with a girl, only to find that she's not really interested in you at all, that she's just using you to self-validate? Wouldn't you be annoyed that she led you on, wasted your time and money? 1
salparadise Posted July 21, 2017 Posted July 21, 2017 Me, hope this doesn't sound arrogant but I know I can attract girls (maybe not the right kind) just mentally I'd like to go on a date to prove to myself I can still do it, still make girls want to see me again. I would suggest that you try to think of it in terms of enjoying female company. Sure, validation may be part of it, but you don't need to make it complicated, and and you don't have to be thinking of it as a next girlfriend audition either. If you happen to meet someone you click with you can still take things slow, and if not then it's just a first date that didn't lead to a second. If you're ready to enjoy being social in that way, and if you can do so without appearing visibly heartbroken over the breakup... go out and have a good time. What Pete said is valid; be authentic, don't play with anyone's emotions. But you don't need to feel guilty about it –– I guarantee you, the women aren't dating for altruistic motives either. I lost a significant relationship six months ago, and at about 6-8 weeks I happened to meet a woman, recently divorced, who pursued me and was persistent. We met and it was pretty well understood that we weren't sizing each other up for marriage... we were both interested in shorter-term benefits. None of this was stated outright, of course. We had several weekends together and it was good, clean, naughty fun. We treated each other quite well during the time we had, talked and shared in a honest, open manner. All good. There is no doubt that validation was part of the equation, but it flowed in both directions... and validation is not a four letter word, a statement which I'm sure someone will take issue with.
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