Pixie90 Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) I have always worried about the future and about money. I grew up in a family where at one point we had a big home, and then we almost lost it due to the family business struggling, and then by some miracle, the business bounced back. I always wanted to have enough money to give my future kids a good life (take them on vacations, live in a nice and safe neighborhood etc) I have one college degree, and the money is ok, i'm not hitting 100k a year but doing about half of that. I decided to go back to school a couple years ago to have a better career. I'm almost at 30, and a lot of my friends and other couples are incredibly financially successful. My boyfriend is incredibly hardworking, but is struggling financially and cant seem to catch a break with work (his job is based on commission). Also, my sister and her husband are incredibly well off (they are both doctors) and I feel like i'm the failure child. I feel I compare myself to others, and other couples on their success. I also want to mention that I love my boyfriend very much, and he is amazing and supportive and incredibly loving. On that note, another fear I have is that when a couple has been married for a long time, there is no affection anymore. Does anyone else see this? This is a big fear that I have. I go to restaurants and I see older couples who dont say a word to each other. I've never seen a lovey dovey older couple in my family, or in my asian community. I come from a broken family, and so I do not have the best role models for marriage. My fears are worrying my boyfriend, and he is trying to be there for me, but wants me to stop worrying. My worries are burning him out. I hope i'm making sense.... How do I not feel envious of others? And is my fear of a long term marriage being affectionless valid? Edited July 19, 2017 by Pixie90
MountainGirl111 Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 It seems like you've got yourself into a few mindsets here that can be traps. The mindset of comparing yourself to others. (and not feeling like you measure up). The mindset of future-tripping about your relationship with your boyfriend. What good does it do to worry about whether or not the affection will be gone when you are so much older? That's a long time from now and it could take away from enjoying this current time. Things are good now. Enjoy it. Yes, there are things people can do to keep affection alive. But too much fear can swallow up today/now. When you compare yourself to others too much that also can take away from just enjoying what you currently do. Rather than feel you don't make enough money compared to others, ask yourself if you enjoy what you do for a living and if you are happy. While it might be nice to make more money, money alone is not what gives happiness and not all Dr.'s are totally happy. Many of them are very stressed and so busy.
stillafool Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Unfortunately I've always found when men say they need more affection what they call affection is sex.
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) a lot of Asian parents (I'm part Asian too) raise their children with this belief that if you aren't extremely successful and all this other picture- perfect ,white picket fence crap, you are a failure. No inbetween. Oh and that's on the outside. On the inside, it's okay to be a complete mess. It's totally backwards. They breed envy because you are often told to compare yourself to others "Soandso gets better grades[therefore they will be happier, live a better life than you] " and on and on. It's very shallow. Being yourself and being happy is enough! You don't have to be better than anyone else to be happy. And whatever yardstick you are using to measure another persons happiness does not need to detract from your own. There will always be people who seem to have more, better relationships, etc if you're looking for it. But you should be only focusing on you and what you can do to make yourself content! Work on how you want your rship to be. If you want more affection, communicate that to your partner. Affection does not have to die in relationships unless the one of the two people neglect it. Good luck :? Edited July 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
BaileyB Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy to help with your anxiety?
Gaeta Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 It will take a long time and effort to de-program youself from comparing yourself to others. One thing: Plenty of people were born in modest homes and family and had amazing childhoods and grew up to be responsible happy adults participating in society. If everyone waited to reach 6 digits earning to make kids there would be just a few of us on this planet. I wouldn't be here and none of my siblings would be here and none of our children would be here. We all had beautiful childhoods how poor or less poor our parents were.
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