jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Quick synopsis of what my situation is 1. Met a girl on OKC, we chatted up and exchanged numbers 2. Set a place and time for a coffee date, but I backed out cause I have anxiety issues .. FYI I backed out days in advance, not last minute 3. From some advice on here and just the voice in the back of my head saying "Do it!" I texted her back and explained why I cancelled and asked if she would reconsider seeing me. She said yeah and even mentioned a date and time to meet on Thursday 4. I've texted her only twice since then which was Saturday I believe, just small talk. She responded extremely late one time. I think something like 12 hours later, but it was a detailed response 5. Then I texted her yesterday, again small talk, but going on almost 24 hours with no response. The text was going to lead into my next text which was solidifying plans, but no response from her so I never got to ask. So needless to say I'm a little confused. I mean I understand everyone can be busy at times, but 12-24 hours to respond to texts seem a little.. much no? This girl does work like 12-13 hour days, but at the same time it takes 2 seconds to send a text message. So should I even bother with Thursday or with this girl? She seems either A. Too busy to date or B. Not interested enough
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 She lost interest because you flaked on her because you were anxious. That's a HUGE turnoff. People like confidence. I know it can be scary but if you're online dating you gotta bite the bullet and meet strangers. Sorry This ones a no-go
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) Okay, but why would she even bother agreeing to meet me again then? She very easily could of said no or just not even responded She even brought up the date and time Edited July 19, 2017 by jgraham11
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) People don't like having uncomfortable conversations and telling others they are not interested. They seriously think saying yes or maybe then fading out until you get the hint is a better strategy. Don't look too much into what she said. Look at her actions now. She's clearly telling you she's done. Sorry Edited July 19, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) Okay well I guess that's one way of doing it.. Not responding to a text at all would be a better way I would think, personally You've gotta be a cold hearted bastard to agree to meet someone, set up a time and then ghost But okay By the way, are you the Cookiesanddough from OKC? lol Edited July 19, 2017 by jgraham11 2
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I agree. It's lame to ghost. Maybe she will get back to you and cancel, but I hope I am wrong and you have a chance at making a first irl impression. I have to ask, were you enthusiastic about meeting her this thursday? When you talked to her were your plans really solid? She may just have thought you were stringing her along again and wasn't really interested in talking to you if you were going to flake yet again which can happen Lol, thats not me, no
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 No I was fairly enthusiastic. I was pretty happy that she was cool to meet me again. She just asked if a certain time worked and I said absolutely. The only reason I'm considering flaking this time, if you wanna call it that, is because she won't respond to my texts in a timely manner. And I'm not saying within 5 minutes or even 1-2 hours. Just not 12-24 hours. It's ridiculous 1
clia Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Some people don't like texting, especially when it's just small talk. If she's busy at work, she might've forgotten to respond to your text, or just didn't have anything to say in response. However, if her text response time is too slow for you, then you should move on and find someone else. (Although, I think you are expecting a lot from a woman who you already cancelled on and haven't even met in person yet. I personally think 24 hour response time is perfectly fine.) If you do still want to meet her, I think you should send one more text, along the lines of "Just confirming that we are still on for coffee tomorrow at [place, time]. Let me know!" If she doesn't respond, then you have your answer. 2
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Yeah I agree I think one more text would be fine.. I don't agree with the 24 hrs though sorry. I mean if you're personally okay with that cool, but not me I just feel like in today's world where everyone has their phone in their hand constantly it's not much to ask for a decent response time. And in my opinion that means something between 1-5 hours. We're both in our 20s, I very rarely see someone in their 20s with their phone not in their immediate vicinity
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Well, my last text was just to lead into the text of solidifying plans, so it was kind of just regular. "Hey how was your day?"
clia Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Yeah I agree I think one more text would be fine.. I don't agree with the 24 hrs though sorry. I mean if you're personally okay with that cool, but not me I just feel like in today's world where everyone has their phone in their hand constantly it's not much to ask for a decent response time. And in my opinion that means something between 1-5 hours. We're both in our 20s, I very rarely see someone in their 20s with their phone not in their immediate vicinity Not everyone has their phone in their hand constantly. You don't even know her. But again, if you expect a fast response, she may not be the right woman for you.
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Clia, I'm not trying to argue, but you don't have your phone in your hand within 24 hours? See a text from someone and then maybe respond? I wouldn't expect a novel as a text response, but something. I really don't think expecting a text response within 24 hours is asking a lot I'm sorry Even if it's something very simple. Which is what I would expect from her given what the text was that I sent
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Well, my last text was just to lead into the text of solidifying plans, so it was kind of just regular. "Hey how was your day?" I'm putting myself in her shoes. If I was looking forward to a date with a stranger, then they flaked saying they were too scared, then this person who I'm not even sure will meet me continued to try to hey how are you and small talk with me I would be annoyed beyond belief. 3
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) What am I supposed to say? She told me she wanted to text more before we met! She actually said that! The person who won't respond to text before a 24 time period has passed lol. And like I said that text was only to lead to my next text to solidify plans. What should I start talking about? philosophical theories that I have with a girl I haven't even met before through text? lol. Small talk is about all you have until you meet someone for the first time Put yourself in my shoes. I'm literally lost right now. She wants to text more, but doesn't text me back. What am I supposed to do with that Edited July 19, 2017 by jgraham11
SevenCity Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I would cut out the chit chat text next time and just set the date. I never understood the point in talking to someone before you even know if you like each other. One thing to send out a feeler if the date was in the future, but sending meaningless texts doesn't get you anywhere. 1
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 I agree SevenCity. I actually said to her that I preferred to just ask questions and talk more once we meet. She's the one who wanted to text more to get to know each other better... Then of course she takes a day to respond to a "How was your day" text lol
SevenCity Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I agree SevenCity. I actually said to her that I preferred to just ask questions and talk more once we meet. She's the one who wanted to text more to get to know each other better... Then of course she takes a day to respond to a "How was your day" text lol We've all fallen in that trap. Best to be busy and cut it short. You can innocently make mistakes via text that will kill your chances. Not worth it.
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 I'm half considering just not even texting her again. If I'm this confused/aggravated before going on a date with her what would a relationship be like? Not good.. 1
takeoff Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I think you should send one more text asking if you're still on.
Robratory Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 They say in therapy, "Fake it till you make it," so even though you may not have your anxiety under control, you have to act as if you do. More to the point, never EVER tell a woman (or pretty much anyone) that you have anxiety issues. At best, they'll pity you, and at worst, they'll be repelled. In this case, I wouldn't just not show up. Text her one more time to ask if you're still on for tomorrow.
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Yeah she finally responded after 24 hours. So we're still on For the record I do plan on bringing up her texting behavior. Maybe not on a coffee date, but if we ever get somewhere then it's something I'd have to talk to her about. I'm not being unreasonable for expecting a text back within 24 hours right? 1
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I'm glad to hear that!!! Don't mention it until well into your dating. Maybe she didn't feel like texting or she was annoyed or busy. See if it improves . Just have fun on date and let us know how it goes pls 1
spiderowl Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Well, I've just done almost the same thing as her. A guy I met texts me but does not reply for about 6 hours or more. He only texts once a day. He texted me today but I was working and didn't reply straight away - no point anyway as he doesn't reply for ages. Had an awful day with various stresses, then I got home and thought I'd do a job before I sat down. I knew if I sat down I would not do this job as it was heavy, hard work. So I did the job, took hours, then made food. Finally I texted him with apologies. No response. So he may not respond till tomorrow or may not at all. I have no clue. It is unnerving and I'm thinking of opting out. He did seem very interested though as he suggested meeting soon. He seemed keen to have another meeting before the first one ended. It's all very confusing. Is he interested or not? 2
Author jgraham11 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Yeah you're not kidding that sounds EXACTLY like my situation. The problem is you don't know if you should expect a text back or not. Since I haven't met this girl yet I don't know what she's thinking exactly, but I guess a response is better than nothing at all Unnerving is a good word for it though
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