confused078 Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 I don't usually snoop through other people's things...really...but just a few hours ago I was looking in my boyfriend's e-mail to see if he still had a copy of a message I'd accidently deleted when I noticed an e-mail (unread) from one of those dating sites. Before we started dating, as part of a bet, he and a friend signed up with several such sites, and they always spam, so I didn't really think anything of clicking on it for a laugh. After skimming the first few lines, I felt like my heart might beat right out of my chest. His suggested "perfect" matches? Guys. I couldn't believe it...I didn't even think about it, I clicked a link to his account, but it just has a screenname (one he's used elsewhere) and his a/s/l. No picture or any other information, and it said he hadn't logged in since March. But we stared dating last year, and the bet was over weeks before that. It's just...in spite of that...I really, really think he likes girls. I wouldn't have a problem with my boyfriend being bisexual, but how do I confront him about this? Should I even bother? I don't know what to do. Please help.
lovinfun22 Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Maybe he's not gay, and was just messing around. Try to bring up the topic casually and see what happens. I wouldn't push the subject too much yet if that's the only reason you think he's gay.
Gold Pile Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Your post doesn't say if you're M or F. If you're a guy I'd say he's gay
amerikajin Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 It's possible that this is a total mistake. I remember once when I first logged on to one of those match sites a while back, I got momentarily confused: the option for men seeking women was for profiles of guys who were seeking women; I thought it was asking me to click here if I was a guy who was interested in seeking women, which is indeed the case. So in that moment of confusion, I remember I got suggested matches of other men, and I was like "Whoops! Must be a mistake here." It could be just a simple mistake, but you might just want to dig a little deeper and follow up on this. I would judge him based on his behavior though; I wouldn't reach any conclusions based on this alone, especially if he denies it. If he's been pretty 'hetero' and if he's been pretty passionate in the sack with you, it's obvious he's into women; if not, you might want to check him out further to see if he's for real.
clynn Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 Welll . . . . 1) you were reading his personal email. Anything you found out by doing so is kind of a violation I think. 2) maybe he was just curious to see what other men who posted on the site were like? For comparison sake. What were their write-ups like, that sort of thing. He was looking for ideas and to compare. Kind of like I tend to check out more girls walking on the streets than boys, just cuz I like checking out girls clothes and stuff and has zero to do with me being gay (I'm not!) 3) If you don't think he is gay, probably he isn't. OF course, I have no idea how accurate your "Gaydar" is, but ask one of your gay friends to give you their opinion.
RecordProducer Posted August 10, 2005 Posted August 10, 2005 I've seen people making a mistake about their genders on dating sites. I would browse guys and see a woman among all the guys that seemed completely normal except that she stated she was a man. Maybe he just wanted to see the guys on the site, as somebody said. Maybe he logged in in March because he wanted to see something that somebody told him/ wanted to show him... whatever. Maybe he just wanted to check the girls and make sure you're the best. It's good that he doesn't have a profile and picture and doesn't log in regularly. So this is not about cheating or anything, it's just about whether he is bi-curious or not. I don't think it's such a sin that you opened his mailbox. It's not like you were sneaking around, you saw it by accident. You don't do it regularly, it only happened once after a year. You wanted to find your email and saw a spam message from a dating site so you were curious. You have a right to know if your BF is looking for other people on dating sites. You also have a right to know if he is sleeping with others (men or women). So I would ask him about it straightly. Don't forget to tell him that you would be okay with him being bi-sexual, but you would like to know the whole truth as you've been together for a year. In any case, in my opinion, he owes you an explanation about what he was doing on the site in March. My BF "gives me" a lot of freedom, he's okay with me talking to other men, he never makes jealous scenes or anything to restrict my contacts with others, but he asks me questions and I think he has a right to. I am his GF after all. I owe him the truth and a chance to get to know me better.
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