777doom Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I will try to keep this not too long. Met a girl (shes 20F, Im 24M) through work back in May, a few days before I was transferred 4 hours South with my job. She added me on fb, we got talking, and we kept talking every day since and hit it off very well. We eventually arranged for her to come down South for a date around mid-June and she ended up staying 2 nights and had a really nice time. Now a bit over a week ago, we (I) arranged that I would go up there this time and we booked this cosy little accommodation for 3 nights, however a few days before, she tells me that she had a hair appointment on day 2, which she had forgotten about, back in her home town which is an hour drive from where we are staying. No problem, we figure we can work around it. So comes to the last few days when I've been up visiting and today was the day of the appointment, after waking up she says she was thinking its probably best if I stay at the rented place then she can drive home, have her hair done (3 hour appointment), and come back. The appointment was for the morning and she got stuck in traffic meaning she missed it and the hairdresser couldn't fit her in till 16:30. OK a bit annoying but I could drive up so we still spend some time together during the day, then come back to our accommodation after her appointment in the evening. She was due to go to work tomorrow morning which happens to actually be 5 minutes drive from where we were staying, so it would actually make sense to stay at the accom tonight At this point i'm waiting 30-45 minutes between texts before she tells me that her mum had phoned her to say a family member from a foreign country has been around visiting and they were going for lunch. I asked if she wanted to go and she said she 'would like to yeah'. So I asked what time she would get back to our accommodation and eventually after another 45 minutes I get texts saying basically that it's not worth me going up there if we would have hardly any time and she has to be up early the next morning so if she came back then it would already be late, basically hinting that I should go home. I was a bit pissed off by this point so I had a small dig saying I had driven all the way up there to then have her disappear on the last day to get her hair done and go out for lunch, and I said I was gonna drive back down South. Then I packed up my stuff and drove back home which is where I am now. Shes received that message but hasn't replied and that was 5 hours ago, and she has been online as well. Reading this myself I know it seems very dramatic for this very early stage of a budding relationship. Things got in the way but I don't like being messed around and it's more the fact she didn't seem overly fussed by the whole situation apart from one sad smiley when she said she wasn't gonna make her original appointment. Unfortunately I do like her, but this seems quite disrespectful of the effort I had put in. Maybe it's just an age thing but she hasn't handled the situation well so far either in my eyes. Any advice? I'm happy to fill in any gaps if you wanna know more.
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I will try to keep this not too long. Met a girl (shes 20F, Im 24M) through work back in May, a few days before I was transferred 4 hours South with my job. She added me on fb, we got talking, and we kept talking every day since and hit it off very well. We eventually arranged for her to come down South for a date around mid-June and she ended up staying 2 nights and had a really nice time. Now a bit over a week ago, we (I) arranged that I would go up there this time and we booked this cosy little accommodation for 3 nights, however a few days before, she tells me that she had a hair appointment on day 2, which she had forgotten about, back in her home town which is an hour drive from where we are staying. No problem, we figure we can work around it. So comes to the last few days when I've been up visiting and today was the day of the appointment, after waking up she says she was thinking its probably best if I stay at the rented place then she can drive home, have her hair done (3 hour appointment), and come back. The appointment was for the morning and she got stuck in traffic meaning she missed it and the hairdresser couldn't fit her in till 16:30. OK a bit annoying but I could drive up so we still spend some time together during the day, then come back to our accommodation after her appointment in the evening. She was due to go to work tomorrow morning which happens to actually be 5 minutes drive from where we were staying, so it would actually make sense to stay at the accom tonight At this point i'm waiting 30-45 minutes between texts before she tells me that her mum had phoned her to say a family member from a foreign country has been around visiting and they were going for lunch. I asked if she wanted to go and she said she 'would like to yeah'. So I asked what time she would get back to our accommodation and eventually after another 45 minutes I get texts saying basically that it's not worth me going up there if we would have hardly any time and she has to be up early the next morning so if she came back then it would already be late, basically hinting that I should go home. I was a bit pissed off by this point so I had a small dig saying I had driven all the way up there to then have her disappear on the last day to get her hair done and go out for lunch, and I said I was gonna drive back down South. Then I packed up my stuff and drove back home which is where I am now. Shes received that message but hasn't replied and that was 5 hours ago, and she has been online as well. Reading this myself I know it seems very dramatic for this very early stage of a budding relationship. Things got in the way but I don't like being messed around and it's more the fact she didn't seem overly fussed by the whole situation apart from one sad smiley when she said she wasn't gonna make her original appointment. Unfortunately I do like her, but this seems quite disrespectful of the effort I had put in. Maybe it's just an age thing but she hasn't handled the situation well so far either in my eyes. Any advice? I'm happy to fill in any gaps if you wanna know more. I don't need to know more. My advice is to block and delete her. What she did was completely disrespectful! She "d*cked" you around. hair appointment on day 2, which she had forgotten about -- Senior moments at 20 years old??? family member from a foreign country has been around visiting and they were going for lunch -- She didn't know this person was going to be around before she made plans with you??? If I had a relative coming from a foreign country and I really cared about them, I'd keep my calendar open for them. one sad smiley -- That kinda says, "oh well, thanks for spending a lot of money to spend time with me, but that's you're problem, not mine. Maybe it's just an age thing -- It is an age thing -- immaturity and lack of respect. Some 20 year old girls can be a little flighty and worse, they don't mind playing games . . . 1
Author 777doom Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 I don't need to know more. My advice is to block and delete her. What she did was completely disrespectful! She "d*cked" you around. hair appointment on day 2, which she had forgotten about -- Senior moments at 20 years old??? family member from a foreign country has been around visiting and they were going for lunch -- She didn't know this person was going to be around before she made plans with you??? If I had a relative coming from a foreign country and I really cared about them, I'd keep my calendar open for them. one sad smiley -- That kinda says, "oh well, thanks for spending a lot of money to spend time with me, but that's you're problem, not mine. Maybe it's just an age thing -- It is an age thing -- immaturity and lack of respect. Some 20 year old girls can be a little flighty and worse, they don't mind playing games . . . Confirmed all of what I've been thinking. It's not even the fact that these things have gotten in the way, it's that she wasn't sorry or even appreciative of the effort I've put in to come up and see her. I'm just gonna leave things, if she does make contact I expect it will be an attempt to brush everything under the carpet with a 'how are you?', she seems like that kind of girl. We will see
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Confirmed all of what I've been thinking. It's not even the fact that these things have gotten in the way, it's that she wasn't sorry or even appreciative of the effort I've put in to come up and see her. I'm just gonna leave things, if she does make contact I expect it will be an attempt to brush everything under the carpet with a 'how are you?', she seems like that kind of girl. We will see If she does reach out, ignore it. Block and delete.
angel.eyes Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 If it were just the hair appointment, I would say she's a little flighty and disorganized. Let it go. But with everything else, I suspect something (of rather someone) else came up. Rather than be upfront about the fact that she was no longer available the final day because she wanted to spend the day with someone else, she did what many conflict-avoidant young 'uns do...delay, avoid, throw out flimsy, incredible excuses, and royally flake. So, I would go home, delete, block, and ignore.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Confirmed all of what I've been thinking. It's not even the fact that these things have gotten in the way, it's that she wasn't sorry or even appreciative of the effort I've put in to come up and see her. I'm just gonna leave things, if she does make contact I expect it will be an attempt to brush everything under the carpet with a 'how are you?', she seems like that kind of girl. We will see Give your head a shake or at least bang it against the wall a couple of times to make sure it's working correctly. Don't waste your time with this one. If you do, you only have yourself to blame when it all goes t*ts up. Good luck.
Author 777doom Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 Give your head a shake or at least bang it against the wall a couple of times to make sure it's working correctly. Don't waste your time with this one. If you do, you only have yourself to blame when it all goes t*ts up. Good luck. The thing I don't understand is that when we've been texting otherwise shes been quite into me and affectionate with all those buzzwords 'darling / love / babe' etc. And I know her mum knows about me and she speaks about me to her, it's all mixed signals. She seems to match a lot of the traits of emotionally unavailable as well :/
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 The thing I don't understand is that when we've been texting otherwise shes been quite into me and affectionate with all those buzzwords 'darling / love / babe' etc. And I know her mum knows about me and she speaks about me to her, it's all mixed signals. She seems to match a lot of the traits of emotionally unavailable as well :/ Haven't you heard the saying; actions speak louder than words? What is happening here is a perfect example of why this saying is so damn popular. Words are nice but if and when they're not followed up with action that compliment the words spoken, it means nada. Just hot air my friend. Stop being a fool for this girl. Save your dignity! 1
Author 777doom Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 Haven't you heard the saying; actions speak louder than words? What is happening here is a perfect example of why this saying is so damn popular. Words are nice but if and when they're not followed up with action that compliment the words spoken, it means nada. Just hot air my friend. Stop being a fool for this girl. Save your dignity! I've been thinking the same. Actions speak louder than words and I just need some strangers to confirm it. It just blindsided me today, really. I've got a very good job and income for my age, and I know I'm a good catch, this is unexpected though. But you're all right. 1
hercules22 Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 yep its really frustrating especially when you respect there time but when you make plans they just go cold and dissappear and ignore you yet be active on social media .
Miss Spider Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Confirmed all of what I've been thinking. It's not even the fact that these things have gotten in the way, it's that she wasn't sorry or even appreciative of the effort I've put in to come up and see her. I'm just gonna leave things, if she does make contact I expect it will be an attempt to brush everything under the carpet with a 'how are you?', she seems like that kind of girl. We will see Don't wait for contact. You'll probably take her back cuz you'll have forgiven her and she'll do it again because shell assume you're cool being her backup when her well runs dry. You're too good for that. Block/delete
Author 777doom Posted July 24, 2017 Author Posted July 24, 2017 (edited) Thought I'd just update anyone who's bothered. Didn't contact her all week, went out on the town Saturday night and uploaded some snapchat 'stories' (for those who don't know, these aren't direct messages to anyone, but anyone who has added you can watch them). Did manage to pull 2 girls so that helped She messaged off the back of one of the stories at about 10pm saying 'where are yiu' spelt like that. I didn't read it till afternoon next day anyway and then took the opportunity to have a bit of a go at the way she treated the situation earlier in the week (what have I got to lose now) and that I wasn't gonna be treated like that or put up with it. She read that yesterday at 3pm and hasn't replied surprise surprise. I know I should've just left it but the temptation was there, feel free to tell me off (if the times dont make sense I'm UK btw) Edited July 24, 2017 by 777doom Clarification
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 Now a bit over a week ago, we (I) arranged that I would go up there this time and we booked this cosy little accommodation for 3 nights. You, I guess "imposed yourself" onto her by booking this incursion into her territory. The unmissable hair appointment and the working on day 3, was actually I guess an attempt to put you off coming all together, but it didn't work. The day of the appointment, she managed to get herself free from you and once free she was in no hurry to return and it all ended up with you going home, which was what I guess she wanted in the first place.only she was too "scared" to tell you that. She just went along with the flow, but given the chance to escape she grabbed it with both hands... 1
bene Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 I think three days is too long time for a meetup if you're not really in a relationship or seriously dating. It doesn't leave much room to back off if you're not feeling it and it's a lot of time to fill with a virtual stranger. The hair appointment excuse is hilarious, it's literally the "I need to wash my hair that day". Forget about her and move on.
PegNosePete Posted July 24, 2017 Posted July 24, 2017 a few days before, she tells me that she had a hair appointment on day 2, which she had forgotten about She gave you the old "I'm cutting my hair" story. You didn't take the hint, so she had to come up with another story to try to put you off. But try as she might, you had an answer for every excuse she thought up. It seems like she simply doesn't know how to say "no". She just acted passive-aggressively, hoping you'd go away. But you didn't, you kept on pursuing. I can imagine her getting more and more frustrated, thinking what can I do to get rid of this guy??? Any advice? Yes, don't put up with this kind of treatment. Someone who wants to spend time with you will not find excuses to be away from you! Someone who wants to have a 3 day getaway to a cottage will not suddenly have a surprise hairdresser appointment! When someone is finding excuses not to spend time with you, it's time for you to cut your losses.
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