Loksija9 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I've been seeing my boyfriend for the past 4 months, and he is a great, fun loving guy. We have a lot in common, I thought that he is my soul mate and he really takes care of me. He is well mannered,well brought up, kind and sensitive.I am in love with him and I don't want to lose him but I am afraid that something is going on. I've noticed his effeminacy due to his body language, walk and laughter. I've spoken with him about it, and he says that he is not aware of it. The strange thing is that he is not effeminate the whole time. I asked him if he was maybe bi curious, and he really got offended. He is very passionate with me and sex is great, but he rarely gets off from intercourse (rather than blow jobs). I don't want to look at all stereotypes, but there was one situation when we hang out with a group of people, and there was another guy with his girlfriend, my boyfriend asked me if I think that guy is pretty and he said that he thinks that this guy is pretty. Also, I noticed that he glanced at that guy from time to time.I am in such a mess, and I don't want to get hurt, I know that I will never know if something strange is happening, I really need some advice, because I don't want to make a mistake, but also I don't want to be used. I talked to him about his opinion about gay guys, and he said that they are deviant. In addition, I spoke with him about gay guys getting married, and he implied that maybe they need to fight against their instinct and they have the duty to get married and have family. So, am I being crazy? I know that I will never know the truth, but are there some signs that could imply that he is sexually confused or maybe hiding his real orientation?
GunslingerRoland Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Well, quite off gay guys aren't effeminate and most effeminate guys aren't gay. So by the sounds of it you are basing this all off of the fact he prefers blow jobs and the one comment about a guy being pretty. 2
stillafool Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 It's weird that he would use the word "pretty" when describing the guy. Most men would say "handsome". Trust your instincts.
MountainGirl111 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 He could be bi or gay or curious. You really can't go by what he says his views are on gays. Some gay men can be fairly outspoken against being gay. Not all effeminate men are gay and some manly men are gay. You really can't go by that either. I know of many gay men who do get married and even have kids. The comment about the other guy being "pretty"; that's kinda different.
angel.eyes Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I talked to him about his opinion about gay guys, and he said that they are deviant. In addition, I spoke with him about gay guys getting married, and he implied that maybe they need to fight against their instinct and they have the duty to get married and have family. So, am I being crazy? I know that I will never know the truth, but are there some signs that could imply that he is sexually confused or maybe hiding his real orientation? I probably should have explained why I made my earlier comment. To me, these are the biggest red flags in your post. This coupled with your intuition that he's gay or bi, and either confused or hiding his true orientation. Yes, it's hard to convey in words exactly what about his behavior and choices concern you. I get it! I can verbally try to describe a goose standing directly in front of me, and Joe Schmoe who isn't there can argue convincingly, that I'm describing a duck, or that I can't tell it's a goose. The fact is I know a goose even if my description isn't adequately convincing to reflexive naysayers. Trust your gut! Mine has never led me astray. The issue here is that even if he were gay, and I believe your intuition that he is is valid, he sounds like the type of guy who would be completely buried in the closet and in denial. No one needs the mind games that come with dating someone in that space! Why be his unwitting beard? You're in the first six months. There is no reason to put yourself through the emotional confusion that ensues from being with a man who will never be truly attracted to you. Don't be a masochist. You've learned enough to leave you concerned. I would honor your instincts and get out before you get even more emotionally invested in a dead end rabbit hole. 1
preraph Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 It's against his morals or religion or whatever to be gay, but he is gay, make no mistake. He is going to try to pretend he's not but it will eventually catch up with him and you don't want to be there when it does. Odd that he has no problem thinking a guy is pretty while simultaneously gay-shaming. Hypocritical. I wouldn't like it. This is the type of guy who will get drunk and let some guy go down on him and then just blame it on being drunk but still insist he's straight. There's quite a few of these type guys out there. I doubt he's even bi. If he wasn't against it, he'd probably be straight-up gay. 2
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I have the answer. He masturbates to porn....way too much. If he cuts out this habit he will probably recover his libido. In other words he's flappin on the o'l laptop too much. As for the talk about gay guys, and him glancing...your imagination is reading into it too much. Just my 2 cents.
Author Loksija9 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 Thank you for your replies. I am in a terrible situation because someone tells you that he loves you, and you do love him but you see all of these things and want to make a smart decision. In addition, he pees sitting down and explain it that it feels much more comfortable and that there are many men that pee sitting down. Also he likes gossiping, which I presume is stereotype for gay men.
S_A Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) My guess: He is somewhat gay, ie he is probably more hetero than gay on the sexual-preference-spectrum. Find a new BF IMO. Edited July 18, 2017 by S_A
preraph Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Thank you for your replies. I am in a terrible situation because someone tells you that he loves you, and you do love him but you see all of these things and want to make a smart decision. In addition, he pees sitting down and explain it that it feels much more comfortable and that there are many men that pee sitting down. Also he likes gossiping, which I presume is stereotype for gay men. He may also want to be a woman. He used the "pretty" language. I do think maybe he wants to be a woman with this extra info. He could be gay or not gay but I think you'll find he's hiding maybe dressing up or whatever. You should casually ask him if he wants to put on your underwear sometime and see what happens or how mad he gets or doesn't get.
Bastile Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 - regarding being effeminate, loads of men are these days. One job I had last year, all the guys there were like that. I don't think that means much. - regarding sex, sex with a condom can be a bit crap. Maybe why he prefers to O with oral? - regarding calling other men pretty, that's actually a red-flag. And a bit weird for a straight guy. 1
Author Loksija9 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 - regarding being effeminate, loads of men are these days. One job I had last year, all the guys there were like that. I don't think that means much. - regarding sex, sex with a condom can be a bit crap. Maybe why he prefers to O with oral? - regarding calling other men pretty, that's actually a red-flag. And a bit weird for a straight guy. Yes I agree. We had sex without condom, so it is not the problem.
O'Malley Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I talked to him about his opinion about gay guys, and he said that they are deviant. In addition, I spoke with him about gay guys getting married, and he implied that maybe they need to fight against their instinct and they have the duty to get married and have family. Regardless of where he is on the spectrum, those statements alone would cause me to re-analyze the relationship. If your culture is strongly homophobic or if his family is it will be even more difficult to get him to be truthful about his feelings.
Author Loksija9 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Regardless of where he is on the spectrum' date=' those statements alone would cause me to re-analyze the relationship. If your culture is strongly homophobic or if his family is it will be even more difficult to get him to be truthful about his feelings.[/quote'] Yes, our culture is strongly homophobic. When I told him that he acts and laughs girly, he always implied that I am being rude, and that no one told him that he does those things, it seemed that he wanted that I feel bad for saying those things. There was also a situation when he spoke with another man and he curled or rotated his leg in a circle, like he was being nervous. My heart will be broken.
Recommended Posts