Shs101 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Pretty straight forward question but it's been on my mind every day basically since me and this girl started dating. With out going into too much detail a few things about myself her we are both in our mid twenties 24 and 25, just recently started dating we are about 2 months in now. We are in my opinion an amazing couple seriously we have a strong Connection forming and I really see potential for a future in this one. But on the question and why....she's not "clingy" per say...she's not sending me a ton of texts in a row or this or that (anything crazy) but she's really big into spending a lot of time together. (Which I don't mind!!) as in literally 4-5 nights a week....which of course is a lot especially for the beginning of a relationship. And yes we have been seeing each other that much for about a month now and we honestly seem to be getting even tighter. But where does this "bad aura" that seeing someone too much is a problem come into play? Look, I completely agree with you have to have space. I just don't want the fire to burn out because we are seeing each other this much. she's a girl that for sure naturally needs a lot of attention which I don't mind. I just want this to be a long term thing. Anyone experience this before and how did it go? Again we are pretty tight, past the "talking" stage. What do you all think about this? The consistent hanging out? Note, I'm kind of all over the place with this post but you all get the idea..really looking for some insight thank you
basil67 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Rules are made to be broken. I reckon that if you're happy and she's happy, then go with it. If the two of you are going to tire of each other, it's going to happen whether or not you delay spending lots of time together. My only word of caution is to not make long term promises this early. 1
liberated Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 just enjoy the puppy stage as i like to call it,it wears off eventually with time. but even that wont be so bad you and your gf will find a way to ignite the spark if your'll are committed.
7675 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Why do you get to see each other so much? You stay close to one another or what?
guest569 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 How do you feel? How many nights would you ideally like to see her per week?
Lorenza Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I don't understand. Do you like spending that much time with her or not? 1
OnlyHonesty Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 This has to be one of the most common mistakes people keep on repeating in new relationships, it is a very easy trap to fall in to, and I guarantee that this will cause problems later on. You also seem to be falling for the illusion that you are getting closer too. How can you get closer without any balance? ''Getting closer'' is simply you, or both of you confusing the dependency and excessive time spent together, plus the inability to see each others faults as ''getting closer''. There also comes into play the ego. You know that spending this amount of time together is a bad idea, but your ego sees it as a good idea. You don't necessarily love it, as much as your ego does. Having a girl want to spend so much time with you is an ego massage, but don't let that blind you. It will not end well. There are levels of infatuation, dependency, ego, and all together these things have heightened the confusion and you think it = we honestly seem to be getting even tighter. This pattern is difficult to break after this amount of time too. There is much more to this than Ive just described and it paints a picture of the potential of your entire relationship. 2
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 So you are saying that even tho you both spend time together, she doesn't inundate you with lovey text messages, and you feel it's because you are spending too much time together. You think if you spend less time together she will want to text you more. That's silly. She might feel you would feel suffocated if she did text you all the time...but you won't know until you talk to her. No one is a mind reader nor do we have a crystal ball to give you all your answers. The key here is good open honest communication with her, period.
No_Go Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Yup. I agree with this pinion. My ex and I established similar pattern, 4-5 nights a week from the get go, with at least 1 sleepover. It felt nice (it misleadingly felt immediately like a serious relationship) and we didn't realize until much later that we're very incompatible. I think the main reason being is we made this premature commitment and were determined to 'work on what we have'. It failed miserably 1.5 years later. This has to be one of the most common mistakes people keep on repeating in new relationships, it is a very easy trap to fall in to, and I guarantee that this will cause problems later on. You also seem to be falling for the illusion that you are getting closer too. How can you get closer without any balance? ''Getting closer'' is simply you, or both of you confusing the dependency and excessive time spent together, plus the inability to see each others faults as ''getting closer''. There also comes into play the ego. You know that spending this amount of time together is a bad idea, but your ego sees it as a good idea. You don't necessarily love it, as much as your ego does. Having a girl want to spend so much time with you is an ego massage, but don't let that blind you. It will not end well. There are levels of infatuation, dependency, ego, and all together these things have heightened the confusion and you think it = This pattern is difficult to break after this amount of time too. There is much more to this than Ive just described and it paints a picture of the potential of your entire relationship. 1
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) This has been going on for 1 month and you are 2 months dating. So that means after 4 weeks of dating you started spending 5 nights a week together. I am a big advocate of not skipping any dating phases as all of them are important. That first 3 months should be about courting each other, seducing each other, anticipating each date, and slowly escalating 'dating' into a relationship. You have skipped it all and here you are in a full blown-full-time-committed relationship. And it's starting to get to you = this thread. The danger of spending too much time too soon is to lose sexual attraction. It's called the [Westermarck] effect. That's what makes siblings not desire each other sexually. You take 2 human beings, you put them full time together from the get go and they turn into 'siblings'. Having some time apart at the beginning is only beneficial. It prevents you from getting annoyed at each other, it feeds excitement to see them again, and it allows us to recharge our batteries. Edited July 18, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Typo ~6 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I see nothing wrong with it. Enjoy your new relationship!
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