How did you meet you MM and why did you fall for him.

[9Lives]

For me, I was being persued by alot of single guys but they were not doing anything particular that made me want to get with them. They were buying my lunch, washing my car, giving me money, and offering to take me on trips to Vegas, wanting me to go bike riding...things like that.

 

What was very different here was he was very tentative and interested in knowing who I was and what made me tick. He offered himself to me instead of his money.

I like my mm personality for the most part. The good and the bad...there is obviously some bad but that is what started this situation. He has until Feb to get his stuff together then I am out. He brought divorce paperwork over my house a couple of days ago. I was like yeah right. I was not impressed at all. He can act and pretend all he wants but when that time comes and he is still not totally available...I am going to leave him alone. I am not waiting 2 and 3 years for no body. I told him that I want it all and I am not going to be his lady on the side for long. I love that man so much but even if he dont leave I will always love him because he is sooooo sweet to me.

The reason I am going to HAVE TO LEAVE is because I can't put my life on hold for him for years. The gamble is too much. I dont care what nobody says...I dont feel like I am wasting my time right now. He is worth my time but come FEB. I will have to love him from afar. I would not feel good about myself after that. To me that mean he aint serious and I must move on.

[erika2610]

I met my MM at work. He pursued me for about a year.. I didn't wanna do anything because he was married, until one day, my feelings just got to be too much. I had very low self esteem at that time. He gave me the usual lines, 'we don't even sleep in the same bed. We're just together for the kids.'.. blah blah blah. And he was very sweet to me. We were together for about a year, until be broke up with me. He gave me some crap line like 'You know I wanna be with you, but I have a family'. Like he didn't know that before? Then we got back together for a couple months, and I just stopped calling him. I couldn't take it anymore. The lies were just too much for me. They all say the same thing. Why give him until Feb.? I would just move on, and find a single guy.. the MM doesn't deserve you. You're too good for that. How long have you been with him?

[9Lives]

That was interesting. Well in Feb it will be a year. That is why. I keep hearing the same old stuff here about him saying he is going to leave and then just does not do it. I think my mm is going to leave regardless of me being in his life or not. He moved his kids out the house and has been talking to his mom about it for a while. I think his mom is on board. HIm and his mom are like sisters. He is crazy about his mom. His dad knows too but he tries to be the peacemaker all the time. I respect that.

 

I just laid out how long I am willing to wait. My mm does not deserve me...I know. He just keeps doing things to keep me interested. I have broken up with him 3 times in the past because I feel like he was getting comfortable. I always throw in his face about how this guy likes me and that guy. When we go places sometimes guys are approaching me or he has to hear at work different things about how fine I am or he will catch a guy staring me down. I love it. He said I keep him on his toes.

 

To be honest with you, I am not worried about him leaving or not. If he does...great and if he does not ....well fine. This man has been good to me and I enjoy him alot. I will likely get a single guy after this is over. I really dont have my hopes up high about his leaving. He took me to his moms house last weekend. She was not home at the time. He is good to my kids too. They like him as well.

 

We will see what happens. I am not going to pressure him about it. This is about me and if he cant make me happy...I am moving on. I wont be in his back pocket long. Same as if it was just him and I. Stay focused on what we have or I will figure out ways to get your attention. Sometimes I get dress real sexy when I know he is coming over and act like I am going somewhere. It drives him crazy. I just laugh to myself. I feel like if they think you are sitting at home waiting on them, they will clown on you. I will lie and say, I am at the movies or I am getting ready to go out to dinner. I am fishing. Anything so that he feels like he has to keep working for my attention and time. Men are hunters and territorial.

 

I feel like if you want me, you are going to have to keep me happy or else I am gone. I dont have to be in this mess anyway.

[erika2610]

Originally posted by 9Lives

That was interesting. Well in Feb it will be a year. That is why. I keep hearing the same old stuff here about him saying he is going to leave and then just does not do it. I think my mm is going to leave regardless of me being in his life or not. He moved his kids out the house and has been talking to his mom about it for a while. I think his mom is on board. HIm and his mom are like sisters. He is crazy about his mom. His dad knows too but he tries to be the peacemaker all the time. I respect that.

 

I just laid out how long I am willing to wait. My mm does not deserve me...I know. He just keeps doing things to keep me interested. I have broken up with him 3 times in the past because I feel like he was getting comfortable. I always throw in his face about how this guy likes me and that guy. When we go places sometimes guys are approaching me or he has to hear at work different things about how fine I am or he will catch a guy staring me down. I love it. He said I keep him on his toes.

 

To be honest with you, I am not worried about him leaving or not. If he does...great and if he does not ....well fine. This man has been good to me and I enjoy him alot. I will likely get a single guy after this is over. I really dont have my hopes up high about his leaving. He took me to his moms house last weekend. She was not home at the time. He is good to my kids too. They like him as well.

 

We will see what happens. I am not going to pressure him about it. This is about me and if he cant make me happy...I am moving on. I wont be in his back pocket long. Same as if it was just him and I. Stay focused on what we have or I will figure out ways to get your attention. Sometimes I get dress real sexy when I know he is coming over and act like I am going somewhere. It drives him crazy. I just laugh to myself. I feel like if they think you are sitting at home waiting on them, they will clown on you. I will lie and say, I am at the movies or I am getting ready to go out to dinner. I am fishing. Anything so that he feels like he has to keep working for my attention and time. Men are hunters and territorial.

 

I feel like if you want me, you are going to have to keep me happy or else I am gone. I dont have to be in this mess anyway.

 

I'm sorry if my post was just kinda rambling and made no sense, I had a bad night You don't have to be in this mess.. and you shouldn't be. I just feel like if you give him until Feb.. that's a ways away. You'll just be deeper into the relationship by then, and it might be harder to get out.

[9Lives]

You are right. But we have made some plans to do some things and I want to do them. Financially, I will be better off when it is done and I may be able to work less. Well Feb is a year and I want to give it a year.

 

We will see what happens. I am trying my best to get more out of this relationship than just sex even if it does not work. Right now if I walked away I feel like he treated me pretty good considering. What I like about him is that if I tell him I need him to do better at something in our relationship, he will do it. I think that keeps me coming back for more. I used to be married and my ex husband was terrible at that. I could beg him, and he just would not bend even if it was very serious to me. It is attractive and it makes me feel good to meet someone who cares enough to try to make me happy instead of being all about himself all the time.

[newbby]

i met mine through a friend and at first i thought he was single and a drinker and i didnt really like him, thought he was a bit simple etc. then i saw him with his family, and i thought he was nice. after that i saw him alot with this mutual friend and i begun to like him, he was very flirtatious with me. then he began to heavily pursue me and knock on my door for no reason etc with lame excuses. always stare at me for ages and if i didnt say hello, to look really annoyed. i was quite certain i would never never do anything with him as he was married.

he invited me to a party i refused and he kept inviting me saying i would be company for his wife, i thought well okay if he is there with his wife. anyway, i drank too much and did have fun with his wife, he tried to kiss me in the next room to where his wife was, and i pushed him away. the rest of the evening is a blank, but i woke up and the only people left there were me and him and i put two and two together.

thats how it began.

for the next few weeks i went into a deep depression about what i had done, the guilt etc, but as time went on, about being used by him. i started to think that was all he wanted from me and i was really upset about it. by the time he came round to see me again, i was delighted to see him. i found him confident and very funny. he was great company and i laughed more than i had done in years. he left his wife for a few days, and i heard through mutual friends that he had been talked into going back by them. i think he couldnt handle leaving, the guilt, bad rep, etc

so he carried on being married and i was lonely and carried on wanting to enjoy his company. till it all got too much for both of us i think, and it ended.

[rebecki7]

My mm was on my team in a volleyball league. The first day I met him there was something about him that I was drawn to. It wasn't an attraction, just something about him that made me smile and made me look his way. I gradually started liking him more and more each time I saw him.

I knew that he was married right away and although I like him, tried to keep my distance. Eventually though, he began to flirt with me and I gave in and flirted back. I also learned he was unhappy with his wife (didn't only hear it from him, but from mutual friends. It is the truth and they are getting divorced now), and that made it a little easier for me to flirt. Not right I know, but made it easier.

Everyday I see him my feelings get stronger. There is just something that I am completely drawn to, and I can't quite figure out what it is.

[erika2610]

Originally posted by rebecki7

My mm was on my team in a volleyball league. The first day I met him there was something about him that I was drawn to. It wasn't an attraction, just something about him that made me smile and made me look his way. I gradually started liking him more and more each time I saw him.

I knew that he was married right away and although I like him, tried to keep my distance. Eventually though, he began to flirt with me and I gave in and flirted back. I also learned he was unhappy with his wife (didn't only hear it from him, but from mutual friends. It is the truth and they are getting divorced now), and that made it a little easier for me to flirt. Not right I know, but made it easier.

Everyday I see him my feelings get stronger. There is just something that I am completely drawn to, and I can't quite figure out what it is.

 

There's always something we're all drawn too. They're master manipulators.. good at what they do.

[KCKnows]

I met him simply by a glance as I was walking out of the store. It is silly cause normally I pay no mind to people much less other men, I've been married for 15 years. I was getting ready to leave and our eyes locked and he followed me outside. I watched him and tried to search for his name on his shirt furiously but not no avail. I drove past him in hopes that one of us would make a move, but nothing. So I went back on Monday with a friend of mine in search of just his name, since he worked there someone would know who he is. We arrived there and come to find out he was/is the Asst Manager. I talked to him briefly then my friend went and asked him if he was married and how old he was and she came back and told me. I told her to go ahead and give him my cell number. Yes I'm married too. He called me later that night and we have been together for about six months and all is well. If anything this affair has enhanced my marriage drastically, not harmed it. It's done a lot of good, whats worse is now I am in love with both men, and my MM is in love with me and his wife as well. We plan to do this for many years to come.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by KCKnows

I met him simply by a glance as I was walking out of the store. It is silly cause normally I pay no mind to people much less other men, I've been married for 15 years. I was getting ready to leave and our eyes locked and he followed me outside. I watched him and tried to search for his name on his shirt furiously but not no avail. I drove past him in hopes that one of us would make a move, but nothing. So I went back on Monday with a friend of mine in search of just his name, since he worked there someone would know who he is. We arrived there and come to find out he was/is the Asst Manager. I talked to him briefly then my friend went and asked him if he was married and how old he was and she came back and told me. I told her to go ahead and give him my cell number. Yes I'm married too. He called me later that night and we have been together for about six months and all is well. If anything this affair has enhanced my marriage drastically, not harmed it. It's done a lot of good, whats worse is now I am in love with both men, and my MM is in love with me and his wife as well. We plan to do this for many years to come.

 

 

You say you plan to do this for many years? Try not to get your hopes up on this. PLZ read the OW's threads here and see how much they have been hurt by their MM. How many months, years, they waisted on their MM. How much it destroyed their lives and now they have to pick up and start all over again. Six months is a long time to invest your time and life w/ a MM. The longer you hold onto this relationship the harder it will be when it comes to an end.

 

Does this MM wife have any idea you two are having an A, does your H? How in the world do you get away alone together since you are both M?

[StillHurtin]

I wasn't the OW to a MM but to a man in a CR. He lived w/ his GF and later M her.

 

My dad was in the auto body business. One day I went to go to his shop and he was walking out. He smiled and said hello. I was only 14 at the time and he was 19, so I was jailbait, lol. Anyhow, a year later we became friends, he took me out riding around, invited me to his band practices, but it was just as friends, nothing happened but he did kiss me a few times. He felt uneasy getting close to me. One time he said "I can't do this, your M's (my dad) daughter." That even made me like him more! He respected my dad and his feelings.

 

I fell for him b/c I thought he was good looking, sexy, had a great sense of humor, and he was the biggest smooth talker I have ever met. He knew the right things to say and do to make me feel good about myself. He was popular, had a nice car (of course he had a nice car, my dad did all the body work on paint job on it, lol). He was my first love. I was obessessed w/ this guy.

 

He moved out of state for 2 years for a job. When he moved back and I seen him at the convienance store. He invited us to his bad practice and that was the first time we slept together. We continued to be involved for another year and half and then I moved off to college. I wasn't going to keep up this relationship, I needed to start my life over and find a SG. A few months after I moved away to college they got M.

 

He contacted me via email about 5 or 6 years ago. He mentioned meeting up back in our hometown but needless to say I said no. He is remarried to someone else. His first M didn't even last 3 years. Probably b/c he was still screwing around on her.

 

The funny thing is, his nephew is dating my niece and have been for about 4 years. I am sure they will get M and I will see him at the wedding.

[KCKnows]

Originally posted by StillHurtin

You say you plan to do this for many years? Try not to get your hopes up on this. PLZ read the OW's threads here and see how much they have been hurt by their MM. How many months, years, they waisted on their MM. How much it destroyed their lives and now they have to pick up and start all over again. Six months is a long time to invest your time and life w/ a MM. The longer you hold onto this relationship the harder it will be when it comes to an end.

 

Does this MM wife have any idea you two are having an A, does your H? How in the world do you get away alone together since you are both M?

 

He's a manager for a large place and he can get away during the daytime hours at anytime, my husband works as well and well I work but I work from home. Not a huge issue with time. As far as this relationship goes we have both said the same things and want the same things. I think the best thing to do while in an affair is that you are on the same page so all that hurt will not happen. He and I have both had long deep conversations about what we want. We are in love with each other to an extent. We do not plan on leaving our respective spouses, and no they don't know, if they knew do you think I'd be posting on here? Definitely not. It wouldn't be an affair either if they knew. His wife also works until about 8pm at night so normally I'll see him during the daytime hours everyday and then once a week I'll go over to his house at night and see him there too. We normally either have sex at his house in the spare bedroom or we go to a hotel, or we go to a lake which we have done a couple of times and we lie out on the bed of my truck and we spend time that way. One thing I can say about my MM is that it isn't always about sex when we get together. Sometimes we enjoy going to the mall and walking around and or doing other fun things together. The sex is mind blowing as well as his company. I like it and so does he and we plan on doing it for as long as it lasts. Be it six more months, be it ten more years, who knows. I think it just takes being on the right page. Not everyones story or situation is the same.

[Dueces]

Originally posted by KCKnows

I like it and so does he and we plan on doing it for as long as it lasts. Be it six more months, be it ten more years, who knows. I think it just takes being on the right page. Not everyones story or situation is the same.

 

 

And...what happens if you get caught? Both marriages will possibly be ruined. Will you and the MM start a full time relationship with each other. Just asking, not judging. Fortunately my situation came to an end before I got caught. Several people (including each other's relatives) saw us out together that gave us a second glance here and there. Whenever we said we were just friends, we got the "Uh Huh" comment.

[KCKnows]

Originally posted by Dueces

And...what happens if you get caught? Both marriages will possibly be ruined. Will you and the MM start a full time relationship with each other. Just asking, not judging. Fortunately my situation came to an end before I got caught. Several people (including each other's relatives) saw us out together that gave us a second glance here and there. Whenever we said we were just friends, we got the "Uh Huh" comment.

 

Fortunately for me we live in different cities. No one knows me in his city and no one knows him here, but we meet in another city where we both are not recognizable. I'll never say never because obviously that would be a fools way of handling things. However we are very very very careful to the point of overly cautious. We live in a huge Metropolitan area full of suburbs. It's just not been an issue for us thus far. I do know what you mean though a friend of mine was out with her MM and that eventually lead to them being busted. What a mess.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by KCKnows

We do not plan on leaving our respective spouses, and no they don't know, if they knew do you think I'd be posting on here? Definitely not.

 

 

It wouldn't be an affair either if they knew. His wife also works until about 8pm at night so normally I'll see him during the daytime hours everyday and then once a week I'll go over to his house at night and see him there too. We normally either have sex at his house in the spare bedroom.

 

 

Some OW do post here even though their MM's W does know about the A.

 

It is still an A if your spouses knew. It doesn't make a difference if they know or not, it's still an A. You are both M, so it's an A regardless if they knew or not.

 

I take it your MM doesn't have any children if you are going to his house and having sex w/ him there while his W is working.

 

It's a good idea you two are on the same page w/ this A. At least you both know what to expect from it all.

[KCKnows]

Originally posted by StillHurtin

Some OW do post here even though their MM's W does know about the A.

 

It is still an A if your spouses knew. It doesn't make a difference if they know or not, it's still an A. You are both M, so it's an A regardless if they knew or not.

 

I take it your MM doesn't have any children if you are going to his house and having sex w/ him there while his W is working.

 

It's a good idea you two are on the same page w/ this A. At least you both know what to expect from it all.

 

Yeah he has kids. He has a thirteen year old and a 5 year old. They both go to school and school around here has already started. My kids are in school too. It's quite easy to be honest with you.

 

I think for an affair to work out so both parties do not get hurt is that they have to be on the same page and want the same things. Often and I'm not saying always, for a MM it is the lust, heat, and sex. For the OW it is all that but also emotional ties linked in as well. We have all of it. We both know that we love one another but we both know we love our spouses too and do not want them to get hurt by what we are doing so we are very careful and have no intentions of leaving our spouses. So I think being on the same page is great. Less drama, less hurt. Actions speak louder than words and his actions definitely speak. For instance I was having a bath with him the other day and he washed my hair and even went so far as to shave my legs. It was the weirdest thing but I guess for him this is his way of showing his affection for me. We then of course got out of the bath and had our afternoon tryst, followed by another bath and then he made lunch. We finished up lunch and went to a local park to feed the ducks and lay out in the sun. He's just a great companion. My own husband, I do love him, he just isn't romantic or affectionate and we've tried to work on that for years but he can't seem to get with the program and my problem is that I'm too giving.

 

To me it's all pretty simple. Don't get me wrong if we were to get found out I'm sure I wouldn't think it was all roses but I certainly wouldn't push blame on him (MM). I would take the responsibility for my half of everything. My MM would do the same. I think we have a pretty good solid relationship. It works out for the both of us and it's ideal. I'm not a threat to his wife and let me explain. If I was a threat to his wife I would eventually want him to leave her and I don't. I want him to stay with her because I can see that he truly loves her. He has two cute and beautiful children. If anything I'd say that we both help each others marriages out. We don't want to divorce anyone and as long as people do not know they can't be hurt. I know that some people will not agree with me and that's fine. But I know what we both are doing and what we mean and that suits me just fine. I like this site because I like to read other peoples situations and try to help out in anyway that I can. I'm an OW that likes being the OW without and vindictive notions.

[StillHurtin]

So, both of your kids are at school and both of your spouses are at work while you spend your time together?

 

You say that your not a threat to his W? Right now, your not b/c she doesn't know, but if she did know then yes, you would be a threat to her. She has no idea what you two are doing, so of course you are not a threat to her. She is clueless to what is going on between the two of you, and so is your H.

 

Have you thought about what this would do to them if they found out? Right now your probably not thinking about what it would do to them. If I remember right, your relationship w/ your MM is pretty new, right?

 

When I was the OW to a man in a CR I never thought about what it would do to his GF. I was only thinking about how wonderful this man made me feel and honestly, I didn't care what she thought. I figured if she knew he was screwing around w/ me and she didn't break it off w/ him, then that was her problem. That was purely stupid, and selfish of me, and him. At the time though, I was only 17. I was young, stupid, and selfish. All I cared about is how he made me feel and how much I loved being w/ him. I was happy w/ him, nothing else seemed to matter as long as we were together. Now, I look back and realize what I did was wrong, and wished I would of never did it.

 

I am not going to sit here and bash you for what you are doing. I just hope that your not posting here weeks, months, or even years from now saying how your MM hurt you.

 

Have you ever tried talking to your own H to tell him what you need? Have you tried MC to figure out why he isn't giving you what you need, desire? If your H gave you what you needed would you continue to see your MM?

 

Most of the OW here know I am the BS, and are probably wondering WTH I am giving you advice. Well, I have been on both sides of the fence, an OW and a BS.

 

My H also had an A during our seperation b/c I wasn't giving him what he needed, so he chose to find that w/ the exOW. He said I never paid attention to him. He was right, I didn't, but if he would of been home more, treated me like his W rather someone to cook, clean, do his laundry, basically put his needs in front of everyone elses, then I would of paid attention to him.

 

The exow and his relationship is a lot like yours w/ your MM. He was having an emotional A w/ the exOW months b4 I knew anything about it (she persued him for 3 years). He then filed for a D and that is when their physical A started. I kicked him out of our home and he continued to see the exOW. They were together 3 months after we seperated when he called me wanting to work on our M.

 

The A was a little over 2 years ago and we are continuing to work on our M. He made a lot of changes in his life to prove how wrong he was for the A, he wanted to proof to me that things could be better between us. Things have improved in our M but there is some trust issues that I am still working through and the members here at LS are awesome helping me w/ it.

 

Some may think since we were seperated and going through a D it wasn't an A but I don't agree. During the time of the A H told me he made a mistake, he didn't want the D, he was having second thoughts. He would come over 3 or 4 times a week to talk about our M. We got along so great. At the time I was in denial of the A and continued to sleep w/ him but I felt so used the next day. The more I heard from friends about him and the exOW the more I started to hate him, wanted to get away from him, wanted him to stay away from me, but it was hard when we have children together.

 

My kids finally finished up their school year so I moved back to my hometown for support from my family. I also knew if I didn't get out of that town I would run into him and the exOW and I couldn't handle it. It was best just to get away from both of them and start my life over. I knew also that if I didn't move away he wouldn't leave me alone. He wanted me, but he wanted the OW also. He wanted his cake and eat it too and I was stupid enough to let him have it. When you love someone you tend to do stupid things to please them and this was my stupid mistake.

 

I would just hate to see your family and his family get hurt by this if they ever found out. I agree that both of you need to take your share of responsibilties for the A. You shoulnd't be the one to take all the blame for the A if you ever get caught.

 

Sorry to the original poster for hijacking your thread. I just find KCKnows story interesting.

[KCKnows]

Originally posted by StillHurtin

So, both of your kids are at school and both of your spouses are at work while you spend your time together?

 

You say that your not a threat to his W? Right now, your not b/c she doesn't know, but if she did know then yes, you would be a threat to her. She has no idea what you two are doing, so of course you are not a threat to her. She is clueless to what is going on between the two of you, and so is your H.

 

Have you thought about what this would do to them if they found out? Right now your probably not thinking about what it would do to them. If I remember right, your relationship w/ your MM is pretty new, right?

 

When I was the OW to a man in a CR I never thought about what it would do to his GF. I was only thinking about how wonderful this man made me feel and honestly, I didn't care what she thought. I figured if she knew he was screwing around w/ me and she didn't break it off w/ him, then that was her problem. That was purely stupid, and selfish of me, and him. At the time though, I was only 17. I was young, stupid, and selfish. All I cared about is how he made me feel and how much I loved being w/ him. I was happy w/ him, nothing else seemed to matter as long as we were together. Now, I look back and realize what I did was wrong, and wished I would of never did it.

 

I am not going to sit here and bash you for what you are doing. I just hope that your not posting here weeks, months, or even years from now saying how your MM hurt you.

 

Have you ever tried talking to your own H to tell him what you need? Have you tried MC to figure out why he isn't giving you what you need, desire? If your H gave you what you needed would you continue to see your MM?

 

Most of the OW here know I am the BS, and are probably wondering WTH I am giving you advice. Well, I have been on both sides of the fence, an OW and a BS.

 

My H also had an A during our seperation b/c I wasn't giving him what he needed, so he chose to find that w/ the exOW. He said I never paid attention to him. He was right, I didn't, but if he would of been home more, treated me like his W rather someone to cook, clean, do his laundry, basically put his needs in front of everyone elses, then I would of paid attention to him.

 

The exow and his relationship is a lot like yours w/ your MM. He was having an emotional A w/ the exOW months b4 I knew anything about it (she persued him for 3 years). He then filed for a D and that is when their physical A started. I kicked him out of our home and he continued to see the exOW. They were together 3 months after we seperated when he called me wanting to work on our M.

 

The A was a little over 2 years ago and we are continuing to work on our M. He made a lot of changes in his life to prove how wrong he was for the A, he wanted to proof to me that things could be better between us. Things have improved in our M but there is some trust issues that I am still working through and the members here at LS are awesome helping me w/ it.

 

Some may think since we were seperated and going through a D it wasn't an A but I don't agree. During the time of the A H told me he made a mistake, he didn't want the D, he was having second thoughts. He would come over 3 or 4 times a week to talk about our M. We got along so great. At the time I was in denial of the A and continued to sleep w/ him but I felt so used the next day. The more I heard from friends about him and the exOW the more I started to hate him, wanted to get away from him, wanted him to stay away from me, but it was hard when we have children together.

 

My kids finally finished up their school year so I moved back to my hometown for support from my family. I also knew if I didn't get out of that town I would run into him and the exOW and I couldn't handle it. It was best just to get away from both of them and start my life over. I knew also that if I didn't move away he wouldn't leave me alone. He wanted me, but he wanted the OW also. He wanted his cake and eat it too and I was stupid enough to let him have it. When you love someone you tend to do stupid things to please them and this was my stupid mistake.

 

I would just hate to see your family and his family get hurt by this if they ever found out. I agree that both of you need to take your share of responsibilties for the A. You shoulnd't be the one to take all the blame for the A if you ever get caught.

 

Sorry to the original poster for hijacking your thread. I just find KCKnows story interesting.

 

Hey SH:

 

 

Yeah I've thought about it. I mean what and how hurt they both would be, in this situation I have just put those thoughts on the backburner for now. Selfish, maybe. I'm so tired right now though that this post may be a little incoherent. I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine what that must have been like for you. I have tried MC with the H and that didn't work. I have tried a great deal many things. I've been married to the H for about 15 years. The first five years were our absolute best. My affair with the MM has been on again off again for about six months. We'd take our break and back off and go NC and then resume and this last time he has made very good efforts and has put a lot of work into the A. We haven't had any breaks and we seem to be doing very well. He's extremely good to me and gives me what I need. I have made desperate pleas to my H to give me what I need, I have even went so far as to make romantic things happen for us both, but after many years of being the only one that seems to try, I have given up. My H is a very good man, don't get me wrong. He works all the time, he is an excellent father. For us our relationship is more like roommates and best friends (with sex mixed in every now and again). My MM is more like a solid loving and highly romantic relationship with sex mixed in as well.

 

The thing I like about my affair is that it is thrilling right now. I'm getting what I want out of it. My MM does things for me that my H has never done. Such as birthday cards, gifts on Valentines Day, lots of attention and affection, and several other things. I do a lot for my H and there for three solid years I was the only one, or so it seemed, that would put tons of effort into anything. This has made exhausted and I didn't actively seek out to have an affair really. It just happened. Before the MM and I ever were really an 'Item' we were best friends and then it went from there. My MM's marriage lacks a lot too. His wife is real religious and there are several things she isn't giving to him either. Same situation. He has tried and tried and tried. His words are that there is a huge age difference between he and his wife,where as he and I are right around the same age. His wife and he have only been married for three years I do believe. Affairs are complex things and there are no two alike.

[RecordProducer]

KCK, you actually do sound unhappy in your marriage. You're happilly in love with your MM and it makes you happy overall, but what does your H do to make you happy?

What I am saying is that you're pursuing two relationships and neither of them has a remote perspective in the future. You think you love them both, but it seems that you're settling for your husband.

If you don't have kids, I would think about finding my true love elsewhere. However if you do have kids, it changes things greatly.

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

KCK, you actually do sound unhappy in your marriage. You're happilly in love with your MM and it makes you happy overall, but what does your H do to make you happy?

What I am saying is that you're pursuing two relationships and neither of them has a remote perspective in the future. You think you love them both, but it seems that you're settling for your husband.

If you don't have kids, I would think about finding my true love elsewhere. However if you do have kids, it changes things greatly.

 

Rp. she does have kids. I'm not sure of their ages, but the mm's children are 5 and 13, if I remember right.

 

KC isn't getting things from her H that she is getting from the MM. If I recall right, her H doesn't do anything romantic for her. He doesn't give her flowers, doesn't give her bday cards for her bday, things like that, while the MM does. I am not saying that having an A to get those wants/needs met is right, b/c KC knows that I don't agree w/ what she is doing. However, I am not going to bash her. I just wish she could find happiness w/ her own M rather than getting her happiness through someone else's H.

 

I just hope that when, and if, the A is found out her world isn't going to be totally destroyed but honestly, I think it will be.

[whichwayisup]

Just a question...KC...

 

How would you react if you found out your H was having an affair at the same time? Would you be hurt? Or would you both just continue doing what you're doing.

 

Or goes for anybody in similar situation.