Author Oliviasmith24 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 I know how he feels about me too. But communication is important to me. I really have no other complaints about our relationship. I guess that's what happens when an extrovert dates an introvert.
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I don't really meet him halfway with the texting I guess. I just know how I feel about him and communicating while we're apart is more important to me than it is to him. Because of this, I usually wait for him to put in the effort with a good morning text or any type of texting communication. Yeah, very early in the relationship, the woman should sit back and let him do most of the initiating, but after a while, the guys needs to feel that things are reciprocal at least. If they are feeling like they are doing all the work, all the time, it's not great for them. And, sending a good morning text every single day, just becomes rote and uninspired at least. communicating while we're apart is more important to me than it is to him. -- That's fine, then you do it more, unless he tells you he doesn't want that from you. You are focusing on a little "battle". What's important is that the war is going well . . .
kendahke Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 If you're the one having to drive this in order to get what you want out of him instead of sitting back and allowing him bring it to you on your terms, then you're with the wrong man. No amount of complaining is going to flip him into a man who texts all day. We don't have a magic pill recipe for you to cook up and give him to flip him into someone who communicates on your level of frequency, so you need to decide if everything else about him outweighs this because as long as you choose to deal with him, this is how he is: he will change long enough for you to calm down and get off his case, but he will revert back to being the only person he can be: himself. You either accept that and work with what you have or you reject him and find a man who loves to text all day long. He's not a renovation project. 1
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Is this a long distance relationship? How often do you see each other?
introverted1 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I know how he feels about me too. But communication is important to me. I really have no other complaints about our relationship. I guess that's what happens when an extrovert dates an introvert. It's funny you say that because, as I was reading, I was thinking about an awful experience I had with an extrovert I dated. He texted in the morning, at night, and at all times in between. Yeesh - since when is how much someone texts a measure of how they feel about you? People managed to create substantial relationships throughout history and without the benefit of text except for the last 15 years or so! I see zero correlation between the number and timing of texts and how much your guy likes you. What you should be paying attention to imo are things like why you are already having "occasional fights," how he treats you, what is character is like, what his relationship goals are, etc. 2
Author Oliviasmith24 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 We see each other most days during the school year and on most weekends during summer when we both work. I'm 21 and he's 22
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) We see each other most days during the school year and on most weekends during summer when we both work. I'm 21 and he's 22 Youngsters seem to live in the "virtual"/technological world. OP, you don't know what it was like when there were no cell phones or computer interaction. And, guess what? People managed to have relationships anyway. I didn't have and don't need constant reassurance. If you do, it's because you're very young. The bottom line is either this guy wants to do what works for you or he doesn't. He doesn't seem to be able to maintain it because -- he doesn't want to, not because he's not thinking about you or some other scenario you create in your head. You spend a lot of time with each other, be happy about that. Lot's of people don't see each other as often and so they really need to text/call, etc. more often. But, you guys have the luxury of REAL time together. Appreciate it. I know this sounds petty -- given the fact that you do spend nice time together and often, it sounds more like clingy and needy . . . and unnecessary. If you really, really can't live with his texting ways, go ahead and tell him you are dumping him because you don't like the way he texts . . . I'd like to be a fly on the wall if that happens. Edited July 18, 2017 by Redhead14
Poutrew Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 If you were my gf, I would program my computer to send random texts to your phone to keep you happy, but I would eventually get busted when my computer texted you while I was right in front of you... 3
kendahke Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 What you should be paying attention to imo are things like why you are already having "occasional fights," how he treats you, what is character is like, what his relationship goals are, etc. ^^^ This. All day long.
salparadise Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Another novel idea... let go of the very specific, but insignificant, expectations and assumptions, and enjoy life, love and wonderful affection! Seriously. First world problems are usually solved by taking a larger perspective. 1
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 And getting upset because your boyfriend doesn't text you throughout the day to provide reassurance is most definitely... a first world problem. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 What you should be paying attention to imo are things like why you are already having "occasional fights," how he treats you, I agree and this thread isn't about his texting habits, there's bigger issue. She shouldn't be needing so much texting and check in unless she's not getting what she needs from him in other areas. This is a winning the battle versus losing the war situation . . .
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I don't really meet him halfway with the texting I guess. I just know how I feel about him and communicating while we're apart is more important to me than it is to him. Because of this, I usually wait for him to put in the effort with a good morning text or any type of texting communication. This is a perfect example of an expectation that affects the relationship. You just know how you feel about him... so you don't text him all day. But, although you know how he feels about you, and even though you will see each other at some point in the day, you still expect him to send frequent texts to reassure you that he loves you and he's thinking about you... and when he doesn't, you get upset and you think he's not communicating with you... which means, maybe you should break up. Get over it already. If the rest of your relationship is fine, he treats you well and you enjoy the time you spend together, you have nothing to complain about. I'm afraid, you are creating problems where none exist.
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I'm afraid, you are creating problems where none exist. -- The very definition of drama queen . . . Guys don't like that. I don't like that. Most people don't like that. 1
kendahke Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Originally Posted by Oliviasmith24 I don't really meet him halfway with the texting I guess. I just know how I feel about him and communicating while we're apart is more important to me than it is to him. Because of this, I usually wait for him to put in the effort with a good morning text or any type of texting communication. This is a perfect example of an expectation that affects the relationship. Unrealistic expectations are resentments under construction. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) I don't really meet him halfway with the texting I guess. I just know how I feel about him and communicating while we're apart is more important to me than it is to him. Because of this, I usually wait for him to put in the effort with a good morning text or any type of texting communication.-- Good relationships are reciprocal. Guys don't like feeling as though they have to do all the work. And, if you make texting feel like work to him, he will quit the job because this little thing is overshadowing all the really significant and nice things he's doing. He will quit doing those things as well if you keep harping on this. Have you ever been in the position of being criticized for one small thing when you've been busting your butt overall? It's disheartening. It would be like if you spent all day cleaning the house, primping, make a really nice gourmet meal for him with candles and cloth napkins and him saying at the end of the meal, "I wish you had make italian pot roast like my mother used to make for me". Edited July 18, 2017 by Redhead14 1
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Good relationships are reciprocal. Guys don't like feeling as though they have to do all the work. And, if you make texting feel like work to him, he will quit the job... Very true. My boyfriend likes to complain sometimes that I text too much... He tells me how much he hates it, how stupid it is, and I'm sure it feels like work to him.... So, I stop texting for a while before I know it, he's texting me all the time. Nobody likes to do anything when they feel forced to do it. Tell him that you like some form of communication during the day, and then let it go... Low expectations = you will never be disappointed. And real life communication is sooooo much better than texting!
Author Oliviasmith24 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 I totally agree. I'm definitely not looking to text all day. I was just hoping he could acknowledge my existence before he goes off to work all day. He has started saying that he hopes I have a good day at work most mornings, which has meant a lot to me.
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I totally agree. I'm definitely not looking to text all day. I was just hoping he could acknowledge my existence before he goes off to work all day. He has started saying that he hopes I have a good day at work most mornings, which has meant a lot to me. Well then, reinforce what he's doing and then let it go. "I like hearing from you in the morning. It's a great way to start the day off!" If this is your biggest concern in the relationship, you are doing ok...
S_A Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) I have been dating a guy for almost 6 months and besides the occasional fight, we are pretty strong. However, I get pretty upset when I don't hear from him during the day. He works full time and I am too this summer so I understand that he is busy. I have told him that it annoys me when he doesn't say something to me in the mornings before work. He usually texts me when he gets home but it feels like he forgets about me and in my mind it looks like he doesn't care. He gets better about communicating for a few days and then just goes back to minimal texting. I know this sounds petty but if he won't fix this one small issue for me, what should I do? Every guy in this world gets this complaint from their significant other. Myself included. My fiance learned to accept it because she realized that this is probably her only complaint about me. Also, for what it's worth, us guys are still thinking about you throughout the day even though we don't call you. Throughout the day we probably think about you more than you think about us even though women call us more. When women nag us about this issue it makes us feel like they are accusing us of something that we know is NOT true; that we don't care. Get over it, understand men, or remain single for the rest of your life. The understand part is very important btw. Understanding is totally underrated. The next time you get annoyed by him not calling, just remember that he has thought about you 10 times by the time you have thought about him for the first time in a given day (no matter how busy he is). That should be all the reassurance you need. Edited July 18, 2017 by S_A 2
GemmaUK Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I'm totally with your guy on this. I've dated 3 guys - all were late 30's early 40's and insisted upon texts all day long. I couldn't keep up, it was dull as hell and was an obligation to keep replying. If you need excessive communication then you're not compatible. You see each other most days, he texts you in the evenings, give the guy a break and let him have his mornings to himself to deal with the responsibilities he has.
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