Oliviasmith24 Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 I have been dating a guy for almost 6 months and besides the occasional fight, we are pretty strong. However, I get pretty upset when I don't hear from him during the day. He works full time and I am too this summer so I understand that he is busy. I have told him that it annoys me when he doesn't say something to me in the mornings before work. He usually texts me when he gets home but it feels like he forgets about me and in my mind it looks like he doesn't care. He gets better about communicating for a few days and then just goes back to minimal texting. I know this sounds petty but if he won't fix this one small issue for me, what should I do?
GunslingerRoland Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Sorry I'm voting for him all of the way on this one. Why send a text if you don't have time to talk and it's not for something specific. 7
O'Malley Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Is his communication style with you similar to his style with family and friends? It's an issue for discussion if he routinely texts with family and friends during the day, but avoids doing so with you. If he simply doesn't text anyone mid-day, that's his preference and it's not something to turn into a hill to die on. Some people are not big on texting or interested in repeated petty contacts during the day, especially while at work, and it isn't necessarily an indication of his interest level. 2
Author Oliviasmith24 Posted July 17, 2017 Author Posted July 17, 2017 He doesn't text many people first at all so I understand that he doesn't like texting but that's something I want in my relationship
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 He doesn't text many people first at all so I understand that he doesn't like texting but that's something I want in my relationship Then communicate that to him in a more pleasant way instead of a complaint. Don't tell him it "annoys" you. Tell him "it would be sweet of him to say good morning to you, because it would be a nice way to start the day :)" When you nag, it falls on deaf ears. 2
O'Malley Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 He doesn't text many people first at all so I understand that he doesn't like texting but that's something I want in my relationship You can tell him that you love hearing from him, even if it's just a casual text, and have a set time to check in a couple of days a week. (possibly after work). Text some days and enjoy your "me" time when you're not in contact. Let him know that you're glad to hear from him, rather than pointing out when he hasn't texted. Realistically, if he doesn't like texting nothing you can say or do is going to significantly change that.
angel.eyes Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Is this your boyfriend? I never quite know what to make of "a guy I've been dating for six months" statements. Anyway, text him when you want to hear from him. It's not as if he's going weeks without communicating with you. It's not as if he's suddenly gone radiosilent on you or is ignoring you. He initiates at least every day. It's just not at the precise times that are to your liking. Pick up the phone and text him when those precise times hit you. Problem solved.
Gaeta Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 How often do you see this guy? At 6 months dating there should not be *occasional fights*. This tells me this relationship isn't being built on solid ground which would explain your need for constant validation. When women pick at little things like *you didn't text me good morning* it's their way to avoid looking at the *real* problem in the relationship. 3
meta.morphate Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 I agree that if you're having occasional fights by six months, that's not a good sign. As someone who does not enjoy texting throughout the day, this is probably not something that you are going to be able to change about him, so you have to decide if it's a deal breaker ... because every time you get on his case about wanting communication throughout the day, when he doesn't feel that it's necessary or something he wants to do, it's going to annoy him more and more ... I totally get that you want to know you're on his mind and he hasn't forgotten about you, etc, but if he's not the kind of guy who is constantly on his phone with other people, it's not a sign of lack of interest in you that he is communicating with you throughout his work day. Hell, I leave my phone in my car half the day when I'm at work - and its not because I don't care about anyone who might try to contact me, etc. Try texting him when you want to talk ... but I think your feelings will be more hurt if he doesn't text back, or he gets annoyed by your trying to engage in conversation when he's not feeling it.
basil67 Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 I too am with your BF all the way on this. He's at his job to work his butt off. He's not there to be thinking about you. If someone dumped me because I'm focused on my job when I'm working, I would probably label them Needy and figure that I'm better off with someone who understands good work ethic. 2
CloudyHead Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Are you texting him in the morning and he doesn't reply? Or, are you wanting him to initiate a good morning text?
rushed Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Mornings for most people I know are pretty rushed and hectic. Sometimes it's hard just making it out the door in time to get to work with everything you need much less trying to send someone a daily obligatory morning text. Cut the guy a break. 3
stillafool Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 I don't understand people who need constant communication though out the day. To say what? How does someone have time to carry on with their adult responsibilities if they have to constantly be texting about nothing all day. What would you have to talk about at night or when you see each other? It's mind boggling. I definitely can see the guys point of view on this. 6
kendahke Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) He doesn't text many people first at all so I understand that he doesn't like texting but that's something I want in my relationship Then you're with the wrong man. He ain't that guy, so either accept who/what you have or bounce and find someone who can't stay off the cell phone. I totally get that you want to know you're on his mind and he hasn't forgotten about you, If this is the case in your relationship, OP, then what you have really isn't a relationship anywhere but in your head. It could be that he doesn't see you as seriously as you see yourself with him. As my tag line says ___ | | V Edited July 17, 2017 by kendahke
basil67 Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Have you got any reason to think that he does forget about you? (As opposed to having to having things he has to do outside of seeing you)
BaileyB Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 (edited) I made the decision early on that I was not going to expect too much from my boyfriend related to texting. We have days at a time when we don't see each other because he is a single parent. I would much rather have a goodnight text - and a little discussion about the day which turns into some fun teasing and laughter - than a good morning text. It's a nice way to end the day. I say, pick your battles... Don't expect him to text you all day, everyday. And, set your expectations low so you won't be disappointed... Edited July 17, 2017 by BaileyB 3
grays Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Im just getting to know someone who's terrible about texting, probably worse than what youre talking about. Takes him usually 24 hours to respond to me. Its confusing bc he acts crazy over me in person. But I think Im gonna cut my losses. Its really nice to feel like someone is excited about you and thinking about you and, Im with you OP, thats something I want in a relationship, too.
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Maybe you two should get together....you have something in common. 2
Mrin Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 This is communication style incompatibility. You want what you want. He wants what he wants. Neither had anything to do with how you feel about each other in the grand scheme. You just don't agree on this point of communication. You either need to let go of this story about his communication style or just let go of him as it won't work.
No_Go Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 WTH you expect him to say in the morning? Like a life update - 'Good Morning Olivia, brushing my teeth and running to work' or what? I personally find it incredibly annoying to just receive random texts in the morning with no relevant content in them - i'll respond but it sets me for an anxious day... I have been dating a guy for almost 6 months and besides the occasional fight, we are pretty strong. However, I get pretty upset when I don't hear from him during the day. He works full time and I am too this summer so I understand that he is busy. I have told him that it annoys me when he doesn't say something to me in the mornings before work. He usually texts me when he gets home but it feels like he forgets about me and in my mind it looks like he doesn't care. He gets better about communicating for a few days and then just goes back to minimal texting. I know this sounds petty but if he won't fix this one small issue for me, what should I do?
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I have told him that it annoys me He gets better about communicating for a few days and then just goes back to minimal texting You get more flies with honey . . . you don't have any trouble telling him what annoys you. You could give a little positive reinforcement . . . you do that for him once in a while. In other words, why can't you say good morning to him once in a while? Show him what you want. Beyond that, you've expressed a need and he doesn't accommodate you enough. You have to decide for yourself if that is a deal breaker for you. But I sure as heck wouldn't dump a guy for not being a good texter. If he's making me feel good in his presence and that time is of quality, I'm not fretting over not hearing good morning from him. I don't need inane obligatory stuff to have a connection with my partner . . . A good morning text is the glue that binds you two? So my question is is he not showing you in more substantial ways that he's all in with you? 1
dumbass2 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 The simple answer is that it is a deal breaker for you and that's what matters unless you are able to change and accept it because everything else is so good. Mention it to him again and maybe try throwing out a few daily texts and see how he responds. You don't tell him it's a deal breaker for you, but you express that it is important to you and then see if it matters to him. If he doesn't at least make attempts to improve then you have at least communicated your need and given him a chance. After that and you're still not happy with him, you break up with him because you two are not compatible. Really think hard about this and make sure it is truly a deal breaker for you. It's not always easy to find a good, quality person that you get along great with, are attracted to and treats you well overall. Sometimes we have to adjust our deal breakers and realize the grass isn't always greener out there.
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 So my question is is he not showing you in more substantial ways that he's all in with you? Exactly. I have been waiting to hear what is her 'real' problem' with this relationship.
salparadise Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Are you texting him in the morning and he doesn't reply? Or, are you wanting him to initiate a good morning text? This is what I'm wondering as well. OP, are you being reciprocal and meeting him half way... or do you feel it's his job to consistently woo, pursue and make you coo? You did get the memo, right... you know, the one about women having been declared fully competent human beings with equal rights and responsibilities.
Author Oliviasmith24 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 I don't really meet him halfway with the texting I guess. I just know how I feel about him and communicating while we're apart is more important to me than it is to him. Because of this, I usually wait for him to put in the effort with a good morning text or any type of texting communication.
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