MountainGirl111 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Well, one way to look at it is that the truth came out one way or another. If you only really see her as a friend, maybe you shouldn't be 'dating'? She would just be led on and it would be less than fulfilling. Sure you could have said it differently, but it was the truth. So, try not to beat yourself up too badly for what you said at the end of the 'date'. Rather, ask yourself why you were dating her in the first place if all you see in her is friendship and maybe you should have been honest with her at the start and clear about what your expectations are. 1
Miss Spider Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I totally agree w mountaingirl. If it's the second "date" and she thinks you are "dating" but you still questions if you interested in her as anything more than a friend and don't tell her that's way crueler than declining letting her come eat with you. It's cool you're "figuring stuff out" but then you should say you just wanna be friend so she's not completely surprised the guy she's dating has friend zoned her. Not cool Anyway, get well soon.
lurker74 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Clarifications: 1. I never mentioned I was going to watch YouTube to her while eating. Just mentioned I was so hungry I would probably be grabbing some fast food 2. FTR I did add in "oh no it's ok. I just want to get something quick." That last part is pretty big. It still left an awkward silence but I did give her something of a reason. 3. We got there 40 minutes early so we had a really good conversation. It wasn't like we were unable to talk at all. Then driving her home gave us another 20 minutes of conversation. So we talked for about an hour. All that said, I just wished I kept myself quiet about getting food afterward. I might text her to apologize if my response came off as rude and clarify that I just wanted some down time. I know it's three days past but been battling a fever last 48 hours. Edit: lurker, thanks for providing a different perspective. I feel less judged in your posts and I appreciate that you know things aren't so black and white. Yeah, I'd probably text her...if you wait much longer, it's going to be hard to NOT ghost her as the longer you wait the more awkward it becomes.
Author CoolJoe Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Texted her to apologize and state that I was simply tired and wanted some down time. She replied no problem, I understand. I have two young siblings so I'm not so easily offended
kendahke Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Texted her to apologize and state that I was simply tired and wanted some down time. She replied no problem, I understand. I have two young siblings so I'm not so easily offended Now leave her alone. You're not attracted to her and any time spent with you is time she could be spending with a guy who is attracted to her and wants to spend more time with her.
Bastile Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 Edit: lurker, thanks for providing a different perspective. I agree. An interesting (though thoroughly negative) perspective. Giving up on attractive women at the age of just 22 seems surprisingly a bit common. That's the age where the party years stop, and men have to stand on their own two feet. Playing silly games with unattractive women in the friendzone, and hoping that "butterflies and sparks" develop over time is one way that you can cope, I suppose. Another would be to gain the courage to go after what you really want. Up your game, and push your comfort zone. I feel less judged in your posts and I appreciate that you know things aren't so black and white. This girl is a female orbiter, whom you are using as a comfort object. A buffer for going after more attractive women that might actually challenge you. You wouldn't want to be judged or challenged, it doesn't seem... Texted her to apologize and state that I was simply tired and wanted some down time. She replied no problem, I understand. I have two young siblings so I'm not so easily offended So you are going to carry on that fiasco? You can take a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. So here are my parting words to you, young man. Be honest in future, even if it's just to yourself. Don't play this silly friendzone game, and then claim "you didn't mean to hurt her feelings over rejecting her". Because the friendzone is a never ending rejection - especially when you are explicitly leading her on, and not even telling her that she's friendzoned. 2
Robratory Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 After the movie I drove her back. We were having a good conversation and I say "After I drop you off I am gonna grab a bite haha I am so hungry." She then goes "I could join you?" And then I replied "Oh no it's ok." Nah... I think you subconsciously wanted to let her know that she wasn't special and you didn't really want to spend time with her. I mean, I could see you saying the part about going to grab a bite to eat, but then you totally missed her interest when she asked to join you. I suggest not going out with girls alone "as friends." You're wasting your time, and oftentimes, hers as well.
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