Red Flags?

[meta.morphate]

I've been communicating with a guy I know through text mostly, we've gone out a few times, we kissed one time, but nothing serious at all ... I've been thinking lately that although I find him physically attractive, and I like him in person, I don't think I find him sexually attractive, and he annoys me through text. I'm not one for small talk, and I've tried to nicely communicate that to him - like when you want to chill, ASK ME, and we will ... I don't do well with the beating around the bush stuff. He always tells me I'm "so hard to get up with."

 

 

Anyways. a few things have caught my attention lately.

 

 

First of all, I went to Florida about two months ago. When I told dude I was going, he said, "I might see you there." I'm like, why would you see me there? He says, "In case I go to Miami for the weekend, I'll hit you up." Mind you, I was going NOWHERE near Miami ... and I was going with my family, had no intention of seeing him in Florida. So, weird. I thought maybe he was just trying to sound impressive.

 

 

Then, earlier this week, we were texting, whatever, he asks what I'm doing, I said I'm watching TV, and his response was "Alone?"

I thought that was weird, like why wouldn't you say "what are you watching" or something?

And then, I told him I was going to the casino (about two hours from home) for a concert with my best friend this weekend. He told me, "I might see you there."

Again, WHY? He said sometimes he gets bored and ends up going there.

My other guy friend said this dude sounds like he has stalker-ish or controlling qualities. We're not really on the level where I would know, or not, but I'm keeping this in mind.

 

 

So then I'm at the casino ... we're in the room getting ready ... dude texts me and tells me, "Good luck if you're gambling ... I just walked by the box office where they sell the tshirts and didn't see you."

I'm like, "you're here??" He says yes.

My best friend wants to meet him. So, I tell him, come up to the room and smoke/chill with us. He makes random small talk, but doesn't ask what room, doesn't come up, then says enjoy the show ...

 

 

So yesterday when I ask why he texted me to let me know he was at the casino if he had no intention of chilling, he said, "I didn't want to. I didn't want to intrude."

 

 

But he DID want to intrude! That's why he said earlier in the week he might see me! That's why he texted me when he got there and said he was by the box office and didn't see me! So either he was really there, and didn't come up and chill (in which case, he has no reason to tell me I'm hard to chill with) and that's stalkerish, or else he WASN'T really there, and just wanted me to think he was, which is weird, but would make sense about why he wouldn't chill when he drove so far from home and then texted me.

 

 

So I told him that was all to strange for me and I don't want to play games so I'm not communicating with him going forward ... but I just wanted some validation or alternate perspective, if I this seemed stalkerish or red-flaggy or am I being crazy?

Edited July 17, 2017 by meta.morphate

[smackie9]

Either he is a stalkerish dude or he is just bs-ing you that he was even there, and being a weirdo. I'm going to go with weirdo. He was never there. Run away as fast as you can.....even people with mental illness can look/act normal at times.

[O'Malley]

I'm not getting a stalkerish vibe - that would be more like him negating your feelings by inviting himself and actually intruding - more like he's trying to engage your interest by hinting at meeting up with you, but is doing so in a poorly thought out and hesitant manner. Your communication styles sound different as well. If you prefer directness and specific plans, getting aimless texts and hesitant hints are going to feel frustrating.

 

Since you don't feel a progressive interest in the situation, it was right to let him know that you're moving on.

[lurker74]

The casino thing is weird - enough weird that I wouldn't communicate with him any longer. But honestly, the biggest red flag to me is that he bugged you...that doesn't mean he's a stalker or a bad guy, just one that you had essentially NO chance of having a relationship with...texting for months, kiss once, not sexually attracted to him...sounds like a waste of both of your time.

[meta.morphate]

Yeah I've been thinking that he's probably just not for me, but at the same time, I've been trying to sort of give him a chance because he seemed like a nice guy, and I thought that maybe the problem is me, and maybe I'm so used to a**holes that I don't know what to do with a nice guy when I meet one ...

 

 

But the casino thing freaked me out. Not freaked me out but just weirded me out because my gut kind of told me that he was bs-ing and wasn't really there, but wanted me to THINK he was because he seems to want to come off as more interesting or more exciting than he really is. I've gotten that vibe from him a few times, like he's trying to be impressive ... but I'm not with it.

 

 

And if he really was there, then that means he's the kind of guy who, if I was in a relationship with him, and said I was going to the gym or whatever, would show up at the gym ...and I'm not trying to invite that kind of craziness into my life.

 

 

Uggggh why.

[coolheadal]

I've been communicating with a guy I know through text mostly, we've gone out a few times, we kissed one time, but nothing serious at all ... I've been thinking lately that although I find him physically attractive, and I like him in person, I don't think I find him sexually attractive, and he annoys me through text. I'm not one for small talk, and I've tried to nicely communicate that to him - like when you want to chill, ASK ME, and we will ... I don't do well with the beating around the bush stuff. He always tells me I'm "so hard to get up with."

 

 

Anyways. a few things have caught my attention lately.

 

 

First of all, I went to Florida about two months ago. When I told dude I was going, he said, "I might see you there." I'm like, why would you see me there? He says, "In case I go to Miami for the weekend, I'll hit you up." Mind you, I was going NOWHERE near Miami ... and I was going with my family, had no intention of seeing him in Florida. So, weird. I thought maybe he was just trying to sound impressive.

 

 

Then, earlier this week, we were texting, whatever, he asks what I'm doing, I said I'm watching TV, and his response was "Alone?"

I thought that was weird, like why wouldn't you say "what are you watching" or something?

And then, I told him I was going to the casino (about two hours from home) for a concert with my best friend this weekend. He told me, "I might see you there."

Again, WHY? He said sometimes he gets bored and ends up going there.

My other guy friend said this dude sounds like he has stalker-ish or controlling qualities. We're not really on the level where I would know, or not, but I'm keeping this in mind.

 

 

So then I'm at the casino ... we're in the room getting ready ... dude texts me and tells me, "Good luck if you're gambling ... I just walked by the box office where they sell the tshirts and didn't see you."

I'm like, "you're here??" He says yes.

My best friend wants to meet him. So, I tell him, come up to the room and smoke/chill with us. He makes random small talk, but doesn't ask what room, doesn't come up, then says enjoy the show ...

 

 

So yesterday when I ask why he texted me to let me know he was at the casino if he had no intention of chilling, he said, "I didn't want to. I didn't want to intrude."

 

 

But he DID want to intrude! That's why he said earlier in the week he might see me! That's why he texted me when he got there and said he was by the box office and didn't see me! So either he was really there, and didn't come up and chill (in which case, he has no reason to tell me I'm hard to chill with) and that's stalkerish, or else he WASN'T really there, and just wanted me to think he was, which is weird, but would make sense about why he wouldn't chill when he drove so far from home and then texted me.

 

 

So I told him that was all to strange for me and I don't want to play games so I'm not communicating with him going forward ... but I just wanted some validation or alternate perspective, if I this seemed stalkerish or red-flaggy or am I being crazy?

 

This guy isn't for you and you need to keep him at bay, if he doesn't then you tell him you'll call the police on him because you feel threaten my his stalking you. There are laws that protect the women from men like him. Since online dating and such has started to unfold. So you have complete nut job here you best be careful my dear you can get in a serious bind with him. He's not all together in the head. nut case is another word. A lot of them have ADHD etc.