Author JustMizz Posted July 17, 2017 Author Posted July 17, 2017 No worries. Remind yourself of that when you find out your parents have cancer.. And you don't just start cutting of friends after a couple of dates. I never expected him to blow off anyone for me, nor cutting out friends. I never even mentioned his friends, he brought that up in the conversation. I was completely OK with him maintaining his regular routines. As far as his father, I totally get that would take priority over me. However, he was out attending softball games and the sort. I felt he could have at least acknowledged my texts if he was out and about.
angel.eyes Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Yes, you mentioned that he was still active on social media even as he ignored you. Silly people continue to post to Facebook and social media about what they're really doing even as they lie! 1
Author JustMizz Posted July 17, 2017 Author Posted July 17, 2017 It's irrelevant how slowly or organically you wanted to take things. At the end of the day you saw this turning into a relationship, and you were already emotionally invested in him. He was just out for good times with no strings from you. Thus the following comments when you asked where things were going, in other words...your status: "I've got to start reducing the amount of people I try to please and hang out with." "I've got so many friends but only one me. It's just confusing because he added in, " we will get there" twice during the conversation. Why reassure me? Sigh.
stillafool Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Yes, you mentioned that he was still active on social media even as he ignored you. Silly people continue to post to Facebook and social media about what they're really doing even as they lie! True and this is just further proof that they don't care if you find out they were lying or not. They've already moved on to another. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 ...his dad had a bad cancer screen Am I the only one that noticed that? I suppose you think he's making that one up too...
stillafool Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 After getting home from the last day I spent with him, I text him to talk about where I stood. We never had the "what are you looking for" talk. He said he liked me a lot but it was hard for him to get close because he was still hurt from his divorce. He told you where he stood when he made the above statement. He doesn't want a relationship because he still isn't over his wife. It seems pretty plain to me.
Author JustMizz Posted July 17, 2017 Author Posted July 17, 2017 He told you where he stood when he made the above statement. He doesn't want a relationship because he still isn't over his wife. It seems pretty plain to me. He said he was over her, but not over the hurt she caused him. I suppose that could mean the same thing?
Author JustMizz Posted July 17, 2017 Author Posted July 17, 2017 Am I the only one that noticed that? I suppose you think he's making that one up too... No, that never crossed my mind. I would hope no one would lie about such a thing.
angel.eyes Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 It's just confusing because he added in, " we will get there" twice during the conversation. Why reassure me? Sigh. He didn't want to deal with the difficult conversation that he was just out to have fun. He didn't feel like dealing directly with your hurt and tears. For some conflict-avoidant people, it's easier to just disappear. You don't share a social circle. He'll have no regular dealings with you after this. He'll most likely never see you again in life. Why make it difficult on himself and put himself through unnecessary drama and feeling guilty when you start crying? Now once you get upset (at being ignored and then blown off)and start sending angry messages, he can rationalize that he dodged a bullet and avoided crazy. I don't think he's a bad person. He didn't string you along. He cut things off as soon as it became clear you would probably want more. Could he have taken a more mature approach and told you point blank, I was just out for sex? Sure, but that's usually not a conversation that's going to go well for him either when you first meet or when you start wanting more than just sex. So he got in, got out, and disappeared. When you didn't get the fade, instead of telling you point blank, look honey I'm done, the excuses started flying...more conflict avoidance. I think there are things you could also do a lot better on your end. Make sure you and the guy are on the same page up front. Then, if he claims he's looking for a relationship out of dating (as you are from your reaction here), observe over time whether his actions back up his words. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Am I the only one that noticed that? I suppose you think he's making that one up too... He was so torn up by that news that he was out enjoying himself at softball games, hanging with his friends, and posting about his active social life online. 1
elaine567 Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 He said he was over her, but not over the hurt she caused him. I suppose that could mean the same thing? Even if he didn't fade on you, then that was your cue to disappear. Getting involved with people who are not over their ex, is a recipe for disaster. Yes, you can stand there and help him heal and he will be "Oh so grateful" but once he is healed he will be full of the confidence you have given him, he will think he can do better than you, or he will then want to start dating the world, and he will dump you. Being the rebound is no fun, it is YOU that will get very hurt. 2
angel.eyes Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 He said he was over her, but not over the hurt she caused him. I suppose that could mean the same thing? The exact wording is irrelevant. He's not over XYZ. In this context, the bottom line is he's not emotionally available to enter a relationship with you. Don't parse the English language to hear what you want. Focus instead on the message the guy is giving you...not having a relationship with you. Act on that. NEXT!!! 1
Author JustMizz Posted July 17, 2017 Author Posted July 17, 2017 Thanks y'all. Dating is a new thing to me, obviously. Most of my relationships started with one date and then quickly progressed into a relationship. I actually wanted to take things slow this go round, but got way too caught up into this guy. I can see now what happened. I will try not to fully blame myself. I guess the worst thing is this feeling of rejection. I'll work on that and myself. I'll probably take a step back from dating for now.
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