Cora Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 Seem to be having the same sour luck lately. Met this guy online. He kept chatting with me. At first I wasn't that into him, but the more we chatted the more he kind of grew on me and the more I wanted to meet him. Due to conflicting schedules, we were not able to meet right away. Sometimes he'd say things like "long silences hurt" whenever we'd go a couple days without talking. I just figured he lost interest since I didn't hear from him either in those two days. I told him this and he'd say "I've been talking to you for three weeks, of course I'm interested." He would always bring that up to. How we have been talking for awhile, but haven't met yet. Last week I was on vacation, but he kept in touch with me the whole time. We planned on meeting when I got back into town. We sorted out the specifics Friday morning. Picked the restaurant, time everything. We were supposed to meet last night and he seemed really happy about it. Friday afternoon I asked him what he was up to? Got no response. Saturday morning I asked if our plans were still on for that night? Still no response. Saturday evening I sent him my last text saying: You know it's very cruel and hurtful to make plans with someone and then just stop talking to them. For future reference, a simple "I'm no longer interested" would do the job. I haven't heard from him since. So what the hell happened? Why was he practically begging me to meet him, spent three weeks talking to me, seemed genuinely interested and then once plans were put into place to meet he ghosts? Did I do something wrong? Perhaps he met someone else or lost interest, but really he can't just say that? Maybe he's married. I don't know. Endless possibilities. Is this really what dating has come to these days? When one person loses interest they just go silent?
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 Yes. This is modern dating and specifically OLD. It sucks but a non reply tells you everything you need to know. This is why people multidate and don't put too much faith in any one option. I would say it happens more to guys than women though. Guys learn to deal with rejection but most women can't handle it. 3
divegrl Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 I'm so sorry this happened. Hugs. Who knows what he is thinking. Married, player, scammer.... the list goes on. This man is not worth a second more of your time. Focus on yourself and forget about these crazies who play games. Good luck my friend!!! 1
Author Cora Posted July 16, 2017 Author Posted July 16, 2017 Yes. This is modern dating and specifically OLD. It sucks but a non reply tells you everything you need to know. This is why people multidate and don't put too much faith in any one option. I would say it happens more to guys than women though. Guys learn to deal with rejection but most women can't handle it. Yeah, I get that and I multidate too. But I don't plan a date with someone I have no intentions of following through with. I guess it could be worse though. He could have told me the plans were still on and then stand me up. Make me look and feel like a fool. Sigh...dating these days is so complicated, cruel and impersonal. Oh to go back to the simplicity of the old days.
Author Cora Posted July 16, 2017 Author Posted July 16, 2017 I'm so sorry this happened. Hugs. Who knows what he is thinking. Married, player, scammer.... the list goes on. This man is not worth a second more of your time. Focus on yourself and forget about these crazies who play games. Good luck my friend!!! Thanks! I'm ok...just more frustrated than anything. Like why even bother you know? Get the same results every time. Hope you're doing ok!
max3732 Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 Yeah, I get that and I multidate too. But I don't plan a date with someone I have no intentions of following through with. I guess it could be worse though. He could have told me the plans were still on and then stand me up. Make me look and feel like a fool. Sigh...dating these days is so complicated, cruel and impersonal. Oh to go back to the simplicity of the old days. I planned a date with a woman I met online and chatted with for a few weeks. I drove 30 minutes to meet her and she never showed up. At least with online dating I get a chance to message people, but this is a very frustrating process. I spend a lot of time reading profiles and sending messages, but hardly ever get anything back.
Author Cora Posted July 16, 2017 Author Posted July 16, 2017 I planned a date with a woman I met online and chatted with for a few weeks. I drove 30 minutes to meet her and she never showed up. At least with online dating I get a chance to message people, but this is a very frustrating process. I spend a lot of time reading profiles and sending messages, but hardly ever get anything back. Ugh I'm so sorry that happened to you! Both women and men can be horrible sometimes. Total lack of respect for people's time. But I guess like the other poster mentioned, this is what modern dating has become. Sad but true.
SevenCity Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 I planned a date with a woman I met online and chatted with for a few weeks. I drove 30 minutes to meet her and she never showed up. At least with online dating I get a chance to message people, but this is a very frustrating process. I spend a lot of time reading profiles and sending messages, but hardly ever get anything back. I took a train into the city (an hour) and was stood up. Luckily I had a later date planned so I stayed there until it was time. That one went better. And don't feel bad, most guys go through that with the lack of responses. 2
act00 Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 There's no rhyme or reason to it. I've had profiles fully deleted when the OLD app was the only communication. Everything is planned and confirmed, and I arrive at the restaurant and go to text, "I'm here," and the profile is gone. I have been stood up on a few occasions. I made last minute plans to meet someone, and we agreed on a place and a time in about two hour to meet...total no show. I have made plans and they drop off the planet (like your experience), so I have no idea if plans still stand or not. Do I get ready and go just in case? Do I just stay home and become one with the sofa? What am I supposed to do? He could have met someone in the interim, and he's pursuing her. You and he were not able to connect. You're busy, this other woman isn't. Yes, it would be nice for him to drop you a line that he's no longer interested, but they don't always do that. It's especially confusing when they seem to express interest the whole time, then go silent. I have been in communication with a couple of men that seem to just want text buddies. They'll text and text and even talk on the phone, but never get around to actually dating, and you might extract a date out them at some point, and it seemed to go well, and you don't get another...just texting...forever. Hang in there. There are some good guys out there. Eventually one of them will stick. 2
heavenonearth Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 I have been in communication with a couple of men that seem to just want text buddies. They'll text and text and even talk on the phone, but never get around to actually dating, and you might extract a date out them at some point, and it seemed to go well, and you don't get another...just texting...forever. Hang in there. There are some good guys out there. Eventually one of them will stick. This. Happened to me more than once. Is kinda hurtful but just know that not everyone will fall in love with you, no matter how great you are. It takes two to tango. 1
Imajerk17 Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 I'm sorry to hear OP, but there are many, MANY, threads written on here about someone being confused by an online date's behaviour of coming on really strong before meeting up and then ghosting after. It likely is something more on his end than yours. 1
Author Cora Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 Thanks all. I appreciate the replies. I've had guys ghost on me before, but none who practically begged to meet me in person. Once we finally agreed on a time and place he stops communication. It's almost as if that was all he was after. He just wanted me to agree on meeting him and putting a plan into place. Once that was done he was finished. Like maybe it was just a boost to his ego he was after. I could be totally off base here of course and I know it doesn't matter the reason. I was just very confused how he pushed and pushed and then nothing. Well seems to be a very common occurrence. Guess I can probably expect to see this a lot more, especially with online dating.
Gaeta Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 I am sorry for your disappointment. Everything that is said before a 1st meeting means nothing. When I was doing online dating and came across a man that was too busy to meet me within 5 days I just dropped him. If he was away or on different shift I just told him to contact me again when he's free and if ever I am still single I'd be glad to meet over a coffee. I would never invest more than a week chatting with a man. Been there, done that, got the tshirt. No thank you.
Usename12 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Did you have at least one phone conversation with the guy to see if he might be a scammer or catfisher or worse? I'd be careful about being too close to someone before you met anyway. He seemed way too chummy to someone he never met. "Long silences hurt"? Is he that attention starved for a stranger? Is he already trying to create tension with a person he never met? Be casual until you meet. Nothing is more embarrassing than having a long drawn out virtual friendship and finding out you're totally hate his voice, his smell, how he talks, fidgets or whatever and are totally turned off by him. And the longer the virtual relationship is, the more you tend to build the guy up to be something he is not.
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