Author Annalie Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 Ugh If this is a pattern, as you're saying it is... Next! No way is flakiness/unreliability acceptable when its a common occurance Thanks Dis, We have been seeing each other for only 2 months or so but it has happened few times, maybe like 3 times (all 3 within 3 weeks). 1
Dis Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 Thanks Dis, We have been seeing each other for only 2 months or so but it has happened few times, maybe like 3 times (all 3 within 3 weeks). As for the title of your thread, its too much when YOU say its too much No one else can decide that for you I had an ex do that type of thing on a regular basis. That type of behavior conveys a general lack of consideration and respect. I put up with it (and many other things) for way too long You could have one talk with him to tell him how this makes you feel, then sit back and observe what he does... but other than that... you cant force someone to become reliable and considerate Its your call girl
Author Annalie Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 (edited) As for the title of your thread, its too much when YOU say its too much No one else can decide that for you I had an ex do that type of thing on a regular basis. That type of behavior conveys a general lack of consideration and respect. I put up with it (and many other things) for way too long You could have one talk with him to tell him how this makes you feel, then sit back and observe what he does... but other than that... you cant force someone to become reliable and considerate Its your call girl He just texted me that he got home (I ignored it). Then, he texted again "good night (and kissy emoji)." I cant make myself to text back. I am just disappointed. I only feel slightly guilty as well, because I did the same thing two weeks ago (I cancelled plans to punish him, but never explained what was bothering me). So, now he thinks I am the same as he is. And when I told him about hw on Wednesday, I actually mentioned itat 10am, but never realized it was going to take me few hours to complete. When, I realized I was not going to make it to see him, I cancelled. But today was Sunday and he just spent the entire day at his parents' house.... I might talk to him... I just can't being myself to text him back tonight. Edited September 11, 2017 by Annalie 1
Dis Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 He just texted me that he got home (I ignored it). Then, he texted again "good night (and kissy emoji)." I cant make myself to text back. I am just disappointed. I only feel slightly guilty as well, because I did the same thing two weeks ago (I cancelled plans to punish him, but never explained what was bothering me). So, now he thinks I am the same as he is. And when I told him about hw on Wednesday, I actually mentioned itat 10am, but never realized it was going to take me few hours to complete. When, I realized I was not going to make it to see him, I cancelled. But today was Sunday and he just spent the entire day at his parents' house.... I might talk to him... I just can't being myself to text him back tonight. Being passive agressive never solves anything... it just perpetuates this cycle between you and your bf You cant blame him for canceling when you've done the same, right? Set standards for yourself, for how you behave and for how you want your relationship to function. Being passive agressive and purposely not answering texts isnt setting the bar too high I would have a very direct convo with him, be honest about how you feel and what you need from him. If you clean up you're behavior and he doesnt.. then you know what to do. But if you continue to deal with things indirectly and ineffectively, you're not going to get any clarity 2
Author Annalie Posted September 11, 2017 Author Posted September 11, 2017 Being passive agressive never solves anything... it just perpetuates this cycle between you and your bf You cant blame him for canceling when you've done the same, right? Set standards for yourself, for how you behave and for how you want your relationship to function. Being passive agressive and purposely not answering texts isnt setting the bar too high I would have a very direct convo with him, be honest about how you feel and what you need from him. If you clean up you're behavior and he doesnt.. then you know what to do. But if you continue to deal with things indirectly and ineffectively, you're not going to get any clarity You are absolutely right. I have done this before and it always left me wonder "what if." I should be sure I have done everything and was clear wnough about my expectations... If he still keep doing this... next. 1
Logo Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 I cancelled plans to punish him, but never explained what was bothering me. When you punish him by being passive-aggressive you only punish yourself. The greatest mistake couples make is when they don't have clear and open channels of communication. You're not going to teach him a lesson by being passive-aggressive. It's not like you're giving him detention. Communicate calmly and clearly how you feel and take it from there.
LovelyRose Posted September 11, 2017 Posted September 11, 2017 Ugh If this is a pattern, as you're saying it is... Next! No way is flakiness/unreliability acceptable when its a common occurance They both do it. Annalie, When I give my advice on this forum, I normally do my best not to judge. I am also queen analytical so I analyze beyond what the OP has written as I am aware important details are possibly missing. I have read all your threads and see a bad pattern from your end. I don't personally know you so please don't take this the wrong way. You do mind games. You are extremely bad with communication. You don't tell people what upsets you and what bothers you then punish them for it. On top of that you are also extremely impatient. People already told you, including myself that the Mayweather fight was a big deal. You didn't communicate with him what you wanted. You cancelled on him without good reason. In fact for a really bad reason. Then he cancelled on you with reasonable cause. Now you are upset because your bf cancelled at the last minute for hanging out with his parents all day and wanting to have plenty of rest for his new job. I fully understand your disappointment but to punish him is too much. The last minute cancellation is annoying but those are legit excuses. He doesn't know you turned down extra work for him. You should let him know that in a nice way. So next time he will be more careful and considerate. I can't express this enough, but GOOD COMMUNICATION is key. Don't do the silent treatment. It's childish and will take you nowhere. I get it you may need to cool off, but let it be known to him that you were upset and give the reason why. Calmly though and respectfully. You did the same mind games with that dude you dump several times. People can't read minds and I have mentioned this before, from my own personal experience guys need to be trained and pointed to the direction we want them to be. I'm not a psychologist but I would guess you have this certain behavior partly because of how your parents have treated you your entire life. You felt like they treated you differently and maybe subconsciously filling the void through guys you date. Maybe you want constant validation that these guys are into you and have you as the center of their universe since you didn't get it from your parents. Without you communicating with them, they should just know. If they don't get it then they get punished. Please stop this my dear. Your ex was able to play your games but sadly you didn't fall for him. Let me tell you, those kind of people is very rare. Can't you see that your current guy is just mirroring you? Whether intentional or not I don't know. But either way, you are just equally responsible for his behavior. Only based on your threads, this guy so far is ok. He is clueless to your wants and needs but again..only you can guide him. He is patient with your busy schedule so why can't you be on his? 1
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