EX Broke Up With Me Twice...Second Time Out of Nowhere

[SuzieQ98]

Hi everyone. I've been reading posts on this site for several months now and finally thought I'd share my story. My ex and I dated for nearly 2.5 years, and started dating his senior year, my junior year of high school. We had such passion and chemistry from the get-go and developed an amazing friendship as well. When he went to college, we decided to do long distance, which was quite rocky, honestly. We fought a lot, but managed to tough it out, and I joined him at the same college the following year. We were so happy.

 

Around winter break 2016, we started fighting a lot. We were seeing each other every single day while at school and constantly butting heads and it just got to a really unhealthy place. He initiated a break with me and ultimately ended it after my pleading and begging to stay and make it work. He was hysterical when we said goodbye and said he hoped it wasn't the end of us. I finally let him go. About a month later, he came back, saying he had only been listening to friends and relatives who insisted I wasn't right for him and that too much damage had be done. He said he wanted to take things slow and try again. I actually had a feeling that week that this would happen, it was weird, but pleasantly so.

 

From Feb 2017-Jun 2017 we significantly improved our relationship. Started going out on actual dates, giving each other necessary space for friends and alone time, starting having compassion for each other when problems arose, always reaching a mutual understanding and compromise. In April 2017 we took a getaway to a cabin in the woods where we both cried of happiness that we had finally gotten our best friend back and had a healthy, loving bond. We were happier and stronger than ever.

 

For the summer, we were both headed off to work at summer camps on opposite sides of the country, and I was a little worried about the distance. Given it was only about 3 months, compared to 8 months of distance we did not too long ago, it seemed manageable and he insisted up until our last goodbye, "I'm gonna miss you so much," "We'll talk as much as possible," and "This isn't the end." Once at camp, we talked about once or twice a week for four weeks. We both expressed missing each other dearly, some cool and uncool things about our camp experiences thus far, and how we couldn't wait to see each other. No fighting. Just normal, lighthearted conversations, with occasional sadness on both ends surrounding the fact that we missed each other. Three days before he broke up with me, he told me he was feeling super insecure at camp and just couldn't wait to get back to the comfort of doing "our thing." Then, 15 days ago, again 3 days after saying that, he called me and ended it. He said he loves me but that there's another girl at his camp he has developed feelings for. He said he hoped we could be friends at some point and that we should still get together when back at school.

 

I was in complete shock. He said he'd only been having these conflicting feelings for about four days. I thought that was pretty short to consider giving up someone, after everything we've been through. He was emotionless and quick about the whole break up, so different from the first time. I asked him to consider a break, and he did for a few days. His final answer was no, that he couldn't be in a relationship anymore, he needed to find himself, experience variation, etc. We are young (I'm 19, he's 20), so I get that, just wish it was something he had communicated with me maturely, preferably before heading into this short long distance period, before completely blindsiding me and breaking my heart, again.

 

It's been almost two weeks after we last spoke, I ended up telling him off because I was angry and felt I didn't deserve such heartless treatment. I blocked him on everything so I wouldn't even see his response. I know I deserve better after everything I put into the relationship and how much we had shared. Sadly, I just still can't shake the feeling that we are so right for each other. In April, after a pretty emotional experience, he said he felt like our souls are connected. I was actually having dreams a few nights before he ended it that he broke up with me, so that was kinda weird. He's my best friend and we've been through so much together and if he does reach out to me, I don't know what I'd do. I'm so hurt and dumbfounded by all this. Just looking for insight and advice for moving forward.

 

He also has major anxiety that blocks a lot of emotions for him, or causes him to flea situations that stress him out, and it has overall been a hindrance to our relationship. I've been so patient and loving with him and now I just feel stupid.

Edited July 16, 2017 by SuzieQ98

[Ariadne]

Aww, Suzie! I´m so sorry Big hug to you!

 

Well, the distance, the proximity of the other girl, the young age and inexperience.... it all played a role.

 

I think there is a chance, because of the long time you spent together and the nice experiences, that he´ll be back.

 

You will have to be patient and understanding and see this as something he had to experience in life. If you are meant for each other, you will have to be able to ride tough times like these.

 

If he doesn´t come back and decides that the other girl is the one for him, you are going to have to be strong and be thankful for the nice times together and treasure that.

 

Hope you feel better soon. Surround yourself with friends and do some exercise if you can.

[SuzieQ98]

Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words. I am honestly quite understanding of where he's at right now, I just wish he would've had an honest open conversation with me about it where we both could express our thoughts and come to a more mutual decision instead of just kicking me to the curb heartlessly. I know whatever he has going on with this new girl will be nothing serious, he told me he wasn't even planning on pursuing her. The last goodbye we had haunts me because it so wasn't indicative of this happening, him just insisting that this was no biggie and we'd get through and see each other so soon. We only had about 5 weeks to go. Just makes me feel like I didn't mean much.

 

I'm going to move on no matter what the circumstance. I am exercising and hanging with friends and taking care of my health because I've run into some issues with it. I won't invest all my energy into hoping I'll hear from him, I honestly told him off hoping that it will fend him off long enough for me to gain some clarity and indifference on the situation, so that if he does come back, I can think with both my head and my heart.

 

Just painful that I still feel him in me. I'm a spiritual person and I believe our souls are so in sync. I think his maturity level is just lagging way behind mine and that's where we don't work right now. I guess only time can tell what will happen.

 

Thanks for the love and support

[Ariadne]

Well,

 

At least he tried to stay loyal to you when he told you that he felt very insecure at that place and wanted to get back to you to "do your thing". He was probably feeling confused by all of this.

 

Good that you are taking care of yourself and these are tough times but it will get better. Just one of those lessons.

 

I really hope he comes back to you! Wishing you the best.

[SuzieQ98]

He's definitely a confused person, in all aspects of his life.

 

I hope so too, and hope that he does so when he is more stable and secure.

 

Thanks so much

[SuzieQ98]

I thought I was doing better but I've been crying so much the past few days. It's been 4 weeks since we last spoke on the phone when he ended it, and 26 days total NC. Miss him so much:(

[SuzieQ98]

I dream about you every night, you are haunting me. I wake up every morning in a daze thinking we just spoke. This pain is torturous.