Ablackm01 Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 Me and my girl have been dating for right at 6 months. On the first month I found out she kissed her ex. After that we almost broke up and she has done everything in her power to fix that and to earn my trust back and for the most part I do. The problem is her ex goes to her church she has been going to for the last two years along with her girl friends. She has been wanting to go but I wouldn't allow it because I told her she should do everything to avoid that. And I don't think she has anything for this guy anymore I just think she started dating me to soon after they splits up. She has also invited me to go with her to the same church, but we went to other church's to make me happy. Last night her friend really wanted her to go with her because she has been have a hard time and wants her to be there for her. At first I didn't want her to go but I later said she could go and I wouldn't be mad. I did this because you have to have trust. Did I make the wrong move because 1 you have to have trust and 2 6 months anit long enough to get in the way of best friends. I really don't think that anything will happen at all but I do feel dissrespected.
basil67 Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 Controlling her is not how to earn trust back. You're better off to let her make her own choices and give her the space to demonstrate whether or not she can be trustworthy. Also, if you continue controlling her, I can give you an iron clad guarantee that her girlfriends will warn her to stay away and actively work to have her see that a controlling boyfriend is not a good choice.
Author Ablackm01 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Posted July 16, 2017 I haven't been controlling told her the only thing I didn't want was for to have any doings with him and she has so far. Definitely not controlling She can go and come as she pleases with out permission to do what ever but that is the one thing I don't like. I don't tell her she can't I tell her I don't like the ideal. And as for there friends they understand because I personally talk to them and explained this just for the same reason you mention
act00 Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 You don't get to dictate where she goes, and she should have pounded sand in the other direction the second you put down this restriction...just no...and you absolutely do not restrict her from her faith and attending her worship services and restrict her spiritual fulfillment, and you don't get to restrict the location because her friends go to that location...her friends. You don't have permission to restrict her from her friends. Classic abusers shut off friends and family as fast as they can, so there is no support available...don't do that. Don't be that guy. Her ex goes to the same church, and that sucks, especially after kissing him five months ago, but it's really on her right now to maintain boundaries with this man. You trust her or you don't. You state she has worked hard at making sure you know that was a mistake and she is devoted to you. Accept it. Work on accepting it. You were barely a month in the relationship when this happened, and unless she still pines over this man to this day, do your best to chalk this off as a one-off. Religious differences may be a bigger issue here. You are not a religious person or you subscribe to a different faith or something. Whatever it is, you are not attending her church and do not subscribe to her faith, and she seems to be very involved in her faith and devoted. Is faith going to be the ultimate deal breaker? It can be. Mixed faith relationships work (including non-belief), but it can be difficult. Would you be willing to convert to her faith and attend services? Will she be accepting and okay if you choose not to or cannot subscribe to her faith? How will you raise the children? Religious differences can be a serious source of contention with couples. 2
Author Ablackm01 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Posted July 16, 2017 She is wanting to go to the church because of her friends not because of the church itself we attend other church all the time. I would never push her away from church but I feel like she shouldn't be going there if it just for her friends she goes to church all the time but this situation is for her friends
Author Ablackm01 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Posted July 16, 2017 Also I work 14/14 offshore and I am not home when she is going
act00 Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 <snip> She has been wanting to go but I wouldn't allow it because I told her she should do everything to avoid that. <snip> At first I didn't want her to go but I later said she could go and I wouldn't be mad. You have now stated you would not demand or control her church attendance or whereabouts. Please explain your original commentary, where you clearly stated you "wouldn't allow it" and had to give her permission to go. People bond over common interests and beliefs. She goes to church for her faith and spiritual fulfillment, and she also has the bond with her friends who also subscribe to this faith. I don't know about you, but there's no way I'm going to suffer through an hour or more of religious ritual I don't believe in so I can get some time with friends who are highly involved in a religion I don't subscribe to or care about, so I'm guessing your GF's church attendance is not just about the friends. It's about her faith and belief and the friends are frosting. Of course she's going to want to attend worship service where she has friends! Unless she is actively flirting and entertaining a potential relationship with this ex-boyfriend of hers, this ex-boyfriend is just an annoying gnat. I definitely feel your pain and jealousy over this situation, though.
Author Ablackm01 Posted July 16, 2017 Author Posted July 16, 2017 I'm not jealous over him at all it's more of the lines of respect I wouldn't do that to her. And yes she goes to this particular church because of her friends her main church is another church. I love the fact we both go to church and I anit perfect and neither is she but shouldn't she be considered of what she did and not want to put her in any kind of situation. I am not there due to working off shore.
7675 Posted July 17, 2017 Posted July 17, 2017 Go with her so you can see how her and her ex act around one another. Basically, if she shows little to no attention to him then there's no problem. But I understand how them being in the same space might put you off. But you can't place such restrictions on her 1
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