Ignoring me?

[Wissel79]

Being ignored after the date...

 

I have been dating a guy online. He was very in to me and we slept on the second date which was last Thursday? I don't feel bad about that, but he simply ignores me. I asked him how he was, yet no contact. I am finding this very disrespectful.

 

But how come I felt so good around him? He asked me after sex: did you think we would be in bed so soon? Because he wanted to come with me on Tuesday but I rejected.... and I told him that it would be too soon. I rarely do this. However, after our first date I felt bad not sleeping with him because I felt very good around him? I felt like I was home? We totally understand each other? We clicked very well.

 

A very strong chemistry. Plus I like him. I find him very sweet and boyish ( he is in his 40s). We kissed on our first date. He started it. I was in heaven. He asked if we should go home together and I rejected. He made a comment that I was a decent girl. I said that it had nothing to do with decency but with trust. I did feel good about him though. Very good. But I was so freaking nervous and he seemed totally relaxed. I was in shock!

 

Has he changed his mind? Why was he asking me all these questions?

 

I feel like telling him this. How can people be like this after an intimate act? This is my first guy since my ex. of months ago.

This guy asked me during the date and before the act- when the last time was when I was with a man. Weird question? Why would he ask me that?

 

He also asked me why my relationships ended.... but rarely opened up himself. Which I confronted him with. He said that he did not wanted to talk about it.....?

 

He also said that I looked insecure. I asked what he meant by that… he said that means that it shows that I am not selfish. This leaves me so puzzled!

 

Btw I also gave him my number yet he keeps the contact via the dating site? I find that very strange? I usually trust my gut. and I really did feel good around him. I had dates in the past months but never felt anything or barely or evening find them to be creepy? This happening feels like I am in heaven? I told him that I find everything cute about him: face, eyes, his chin.... Maybe I was coming on too strong and this has scared him?

 

I am totally puzzled. Yet I don't want to lose my hope about love.

 

Could I be freaking out due to hormones or is it something else?

 

TO men on this forum: would you ignore a woman you've liked a lot after you had sex with her?

 

I don't believe he is considering my feelings. Yet, I wonder how he is feeling? I am too chicken to ask... Maybe I also have this old fashioned idea that the man should come forward. But on the other hand, I find this game playing really childish? If I would not like someone I would just tell him in a gentle manner. I wish I could just ask him how he is doing during his weekend and so on.

 

Anyone?

 

I will also keep you guys updated.

Edited July 16, 2017 by Wissel79

[sweetgirl75]

He is being very disrespectful and he sounds like the men that I have come across. After one thing. This guy got what he wanted and he bolted. I would just let him go. He sounds like he used you. I have been through this. He rushed you for sex and he does not care about your feelings. Lots of guys are noncommittal and are players. I believe there are good guys out there. We just have to look for them. It is possible he has a gf if he does not contact you through your phone.

[hercules22]

no i wouldn't ignore a girl after sex if i liked her alot this bloke was just after sex simple as that . that why u should try not sleeping with them till u been talking with each other for a while see if they are really into you when i really like a girl doesn't bother me if she makes me wait .

[ExpatInItaly]

He is old enough to know that not getting in touch after sleeping with a woman is bad form and send the wrong message.

 

I hate to say it, but it sounds like he was just looking for sex. He tried to get you home on the first date. He got sex on the second and then went silent. I would not continue to pursue this.

[Wissel79]

I've kind of hated myself for being so naive. I felt so comfy with him....

 

I did contact him yesterday. He said that a relationship was not going to work. He said that we are too different and that it would be disastrous and told me sorry.

 

While in the beginning he said that we had so many things in common? We actually have? He admitted that.

 

But suddenly had so many excuses.

 

But he started to distrust me. For instance, I had not told him my real name? I told him after our fist date? I did this because I did not think clearly and must have come off as a red flag to him? He said that he wondered whether I had lied about other things as well? That has made him doubt.... I told him that he had hurt my feelings and that I was sad.

 

And I asked him why he did not give his phone number? He said it was too personal! I asked him that going to my home was not personal???

 

He did not reply to that. HE then said that it was going to fast.... and still is.....

[meta.morphate]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. I know it hurts and is confusing that he ignored you, and obviously then that he told you it wasn't going to work out, for whatever reason - but take that and run with it, because he sounds a little weird to me.

 

 

All the talk about who you've been with and when and why and whether you're decent or not and followed by sex - like that's just all too much. You're grown adults, people have lives and pasts and I feel like the older you get, the less important those things become and the focus on all of those questions and the judgmental vibe he seemed to give off are not cool, in my opinion.

 

 

Also, it sounds like maybe he's in a relationship himself and is maybe looking around for sex, or whatever, but isn't comfortable with what he himself is doing? Obviously that could be wrong, but keeping the communication strictly on the dating site instead of on the phone, not opening up about himself ... red flags.

 

 

Keep on keepin' on. It's not you, from the sound of it, it's him. He sounds like he had intentions or motives that aren't compatible with your's.

[act00]

You gave him a fake name? I can see that being a bit sketchy and really not the best footing on starting a relationship. Maybe the second date was to see if things would work out for him, as the fist date left him wondering a little. He got sex, and that seems to be part of his drive for a second date. It hurts, especially when they seem so interested, and you felt like things could really go the distance with him. Not talking to you or texting you on the phone seems a bit sketchy. You maybe should have not slept with him for that reason alone. I can understand not exchanging numbers until after meeting for the first time, but after your first date, still using the dating app to communicate is strange. It would seem he's hiding something (has a GF/married).

[ExpatInItaly]

Why did you lie about your name? What else did you lie about?

 

You mention that you felt at home with him and that you two have a lot in common, but wasn't this just two dates? I point that out because at this stage, you still barely know each other. How long did you communicate with him online prior to the first date?

[Chilli]

Sorry but l just really don't get why grown women hand it out so easily and then end up scratching their head at all this.

and the fact that he's so relaxed means he's done it all before , this is another thing l don't get about women all over the internet going on about confidence .

you want a good man , a good man will be nervous, we're like that.

Your only not nervous if you don't really care.

you care about her, of course your nervous.

It's a good thing.

 

Sorry to say but l think he's onto the next one..

[stillafool]

Why does everyone say he used her for sex? She is a grown woman and wanted it or she wouldn't have done it. I don't see where he pressured her for sex when she didn't want to. She was not used but enjoyed a mutual sexual experience with this guy. I imagine her lying about her name gave him pause and she is not someone he wants to get serious with.

[Chilli]

Yeah , that must be a hard thing about being female , they want it to but it just doesn't pay to get into it too easily.

[Wissel79]

Thank you Meta-morphate and others. Thank you for listening and being so considerate. I wish the people I dated were too...

 

Yes, what would it matter whether I had all these past relationships? I felt like I was being judged for my past actions. I asked him and he said that he did not wanted to talk about it.

 

I was confused and hurt... His acting does seem dodgy. I've cried so much these past days and still am, and only slept 4-5 hours each night since last Thursday...