planb1973 Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 So I had posted about this woman I had been on "30 dates and still won't make out with me" and the crazy night of strippers and sex that inevitably happend. Which has turned me off to continuing any sort of pursuit of a romantic interest. Where I am stuck though is we have made future plans for a particular music event. Tickets are already purchased and I would have no problem with still taking her, however a couple weeks ago while at another music event where I had my sailboat for a week I met someone else. I admit I have been quite active in my dating/sex life for a year now. Really I just haven't met anyone that has REALLY caught my attention till just now. As I was paddling around on my paddle board this really cute girl called me over, I have a handmade wood paddle board that caught her attention, and we chatted for a while, spent a few hours playing on the water followed by some drinking and hooking up. The next day she was a bit embarrassed as she "is not that type of girl" and I told her I wanted to take her out on a proper date when the festival was over as I kind of fancied her. Things were much more "PG" over the next couple days with her and the morning the festival was over her boat was gone and I had not gotten her phone #. To get to the point a few days later I drove out to her marina searched the docks till I found her boat and left a note with my # and that I still wanted to take her out on that date. Needless to say she was thrilled! She had apparently asked people about me and looked for me on FB but had given up till she got the note. Since then we have gone sailing together and gone on a couple other dates. We were talking about music last night and the band I have tickets to with the other woman got brought up. I told her I was going and she was jealous as the concert sold out in minutes months ago. The dilemma. I got the tickets to take the woman I had been on "30 dates" with, but really want to take this new woman. Its not for another month. The "30 dates" woman I kind of want to just tell her I met someone else as my exit strategy and uninvite her. Any suggestions as to how I can gracefully withdraw from plans I made a month out?
salparadise Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 Have you told the first one that you don't intend to continue a relationship? If not, I'd say you should, then the cancellation would be implied. Just say you've met someone you're really interested in. After 30+ dates and as many cheek turns, followed by one of the craziest displays of [whatever it was] I don't think you need to feel the least obligated or guilty. You've more than paid your dues. Good luck with the new woman –– hope she turns out to be somewhat normal 5
central Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 Just break up with the first one, then you can take the new one to the event.
meeji Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 This sounds like a mess.... I think that woman you had 30 dates with knew that you weren't going to stick around...and she was absolutely right. Women have very acute intuition and I think her gut was telling her all along not to get attached to you. You were the causal friend she could hang out with but not the kind guy she could get comfortable with. She's not stupid. As for the strip club... Maybe she just gave up on caring about what you thought about her and wanted to have a good night. I don't think she thought that after that night you guys would magically be in a relationship just because you had sex. There are several inconsistencies in your story so I'm convinced you're the one who doesn't know what you want. You're banging several women while seeing this one girl that you're wanting to be with...and suddenly, this woman appears out of no where on the docks and you've made a 360. Please break up with the 30 dates girl so she can get on with her life and find someone on her page. If you bought 2 tickets and now they're sold out she's not going to be able to buy one for herself. I would give the girl her ticket, let her know I won't be going with her and seal the deal. You'll have plenty of opportunities to go to shows with the new girl.
preraph Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 The gentlemanly thing to do since you're breaking up with her is to break up but give her the pair of tickets so she can go with someone else.
SevenCity Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 The gentlemanly thing to do since you're breaking up with her is to break up but give her the pair of tickets so she can go with someone else. He should probably pay for some new outfits since she will need to be dating again. No? F that noise. Once you break up with her you owe her nothing. Helll, you owe her nothing anyway. I remodeled my downstairs bathroom for my ex and let her pick the granite countertop. It was something I didn't like. Does she owe me a refund because she dumped me after 7 years? Would be nice but no. Just tell the 30 dates girl you're not interested in seeing her anymore. All future plans are magically cancelled. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 Perfectly fine to take the new girl. First girl might not even remember you have the tickets! I ended a 10 month relationship recently just a few days before I had concert tickets to a show we were going to go to together. I doubt he even remembered (although it's a band I like and he didn't even know). I didn't even mention it to him. I also didn't go because it was pouring rain and thunderstorming and it was an outdoor show. (But that is beside the point! )
basil67 Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 Just tell her it's not working and end it. Don't agree to be friends. No need to mention that you've met someone else.
act00 Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 I'm a little lost on 30-dates. By my last recollection, you were seriously turned on by the stripper antics and were not the least bit upset by it, and you had the best, explosive sex ever, afterwards. I guess things turned south again? (did I miss an update? I think I did) Just break up with her. You stated repeatedly you have so much enjoyed her company that this is the reason why you continued dating her despite no affection at all, whatsoever. You seem to have always wanted more than a friendship, and this relationship of yours always had the aura of evolving into more, it just never did, and now after puder exposure in a strip club where it started off hot, it's not so hot anymore. There's a level of instability in this scenario with 30-dates. I'm so lost on what you're doing with her and why for so long. It's time to cut the rope, I think. You can't even pull the "friend-thing" at all at this point because you were never really friends, and now boundaries have crossed, as far as "just friends" go. Add to this, what started out as "hot" is "not," and this relationship is just too confusing...there shouldn't be this much anxiety. Cut bait. Take Ms. Marina to the concert. Break it off with 30-dates, no contact, and take Marina. You don't have to tell 30-dates there is someone else, you just need to tell her you no longer wish to be involved with her any more. Just break up. 1
salparadise Posted July 16, 2017 Posted July 16, 2017 The gentlemanly thing to do since you're breaking up with her is to break up but give her the pair of tickets so she can go with someone else. Good one preraph. :laugh::laugh:
Author planb1973 Posted July 19, 2017 Author Posted July 19, 2017 Well that DID NOT go over well! This entire dating thing with "30 dates" woman has been so bizarre. Since meeting the new girl the realization that I am wasting my time with 30 dates girl became clear. As much as I always had a good time with her things just never added up. So last night I ended it. We met for drinks and when I drove her home she did the typical ready to jump out of the car without so much as a hug. When I told her I didn't think I could see her anymore she asked why so I told her the truth that I had recently met someone who I wanted to concentrate on. Needless to say she was not happy. Just as I expected she went into a tirade of how much of an a**hole I was, how many guys are chasing after her, how unfair I was being, and ended with slamming the door so hard I am shocked the window did not break. I know this was all for the best but am left today feeling guilty. Luckily though I am leaving on vacation tomorrow for a couple weeks so I don't have to worry about waking up to someone standing over me with a knife.
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