Author some_username1 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 Agreed. I think the insistence on the third date rule by many men, is based on insecurity and panic. Fine if the idea is to bed as many women as possible in a short period of time, but using the third date rule to gauge compatibility and suitability for a long term relationship is very flawed thinking. Relationships are a bit like having a baby, the timeline is not so important as the existence of progress. If progress is being made albeit slowly then all is well, if progress halts or there are backward steps then them may be an issue that needs addressed. Some women love sex and will not even consider 3 date sex and some women hate sex and will give it up on the date 3 easily, so I am not sure why some men think that third date sex is the sign of a woman who inherently likes and wants sex. It sounds to me like some men DO put an arbitrary date number into how long they are prepared to wait but I think there is a certain natural instinct and reading of the situation involved as well. As you say yourself and as I pointed out in my last reoly the key thing is whether things are escalating in a consistent way. Then the date number becomes irrelevant because you can see that it will happen naturally. We were engaged in pretty intense foreplay by date 3 so based on that you would think it a bit unusual to not have been alone indoors on a movie night or whatever by the 5th date surely? So that, plus the Tinder business means thst I struggle to buy the notion that she can leverage exclusivity before sex. She wants to fool around on her terms and pick me up and put me down at the drop of a hat while I wait for some future time when she deigns me worthy of sex (which may never arrive)....all while she continues to use Tinder. This is not a good deal for any man to invest in.
Bastile Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 It's not worth stressing over low-interest women. Better to just lower your investment, and increase it in others instead. You will naturally find yourself elsewhere, in a better scenario with better people. Keep searching and filtering. Women that don't care don't matter. Let someone else take her out for 20 dates, helping her out with her house, getting blue balls And if she's capable of better, then let her be with someone who inspires her to that. Trust your gut. Low interest women in the early stages doesn't end up becoming a great relationship (not in my experiences). Better to replace than try to polish a turd. Enjoy your other girl, forget this one, and keep prioritizing your own needs. Naturally that's going to get you some hate. "You don't respect women", "you aren't a gentleman", and other stuff. See it for what it is, other people looking to get their needs met at the expense of your own. 2
fred123 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 It's not worth stressing over low-interest women. Better to just lower your investment, and increase it in others instead. You will naturally find yourself elsewhere, in a better scenario with better people. Keep searching and filtering. Women that don't care don't matter. Let someone else take her out for 20 dates, helping her out with her house, getting blue balls And if she's capable of better, then let her be with someone who inspires her to that. Trust your gut. Low interest women in the early stages doesn't end up becoming a great relationship (not in my experiences). Better to replace than try to polish a turd. Enjoy your other girl, forget this one, and keep prioritizing your own needs. Naturally that's going to get you some hate. "You don't respect women", "you aren't a gentleman", and other stuff. See it for what it is, other people looking to get their needs met at the expense of your own. best post of the decade! 1
fred123 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 also what do the people on here think about her asking OP to help move house? is that appropriate? he isn't her boyfriend so should he? or what if he does help her move house and then she never sleeps with him but thens he sleeps with a new guy after a week and the new didnt even have to help her move house? what does that say? before the old me i would helped her move house and everything then what would happen would be we never had sex and then she dumped me and started sleeping with a new guy and he did half of what i did? so girls explain to us how we stop getting used when theses things have happened!! and just for extra information, the girls who have slept with me within 3 dates have been crazy into me. the ones that i had to wait 2 months or so were never into me and left me. do i need to have a phd on stats and correlate my data?
fred123 Posted July 18, 2017 Posted July 18, 2017 Wow. She wore leggings and didn't have sex on or before the 6th date and it's done and dusted. She said she wanted to take things slowly and you couldn't respect that. You kept putting the pressure on by scheduling sex (how romantic). I wouldn't be surprised if she felt this pressure and thought you just wanted sex. I'm puzzled as to why you think a woman is not interested if she doesn't "prove" it by jumping into bed with you. If she is dating you, holding hands and kissing, surely these are signs. Takes time to get to know someone. Be patient and work on trust and confidence. It is difficult but essential whn putting yourself out there. Many people on these forums have a rule, or advise others, not to have sex before becoming exclusive. Sometimes it takes time to decide if you want a relationship with someone. Sometimes takes time to build comfort, rapport, attraction.. I've had exs where our first kiss was on the 5th or 6th date. I was certainly interested but the time was right when it was right. Some first kisses were the 1st or 2nd date. Just relax! in response to this, i have a question. if she felt pressure from this guy after 6 dates to have sex but with the last guy or the new guy after OP she didnt feel pressure to have sex after 2 dates then what would you say? what if he takes things slowly and realises she didnt take things slowly with the last guys she has really liked or the new guy after OP that she's into? what would you say in your defense to that?
Author some_username1 Posted July 18, 2017 Author Posted July 18, 2017 It's not worth stressing over low-interest women. Better to just lower your investment, and increase it in others instead. You will naturally find yourself elsewhere, in a better scenario with better people. Keep searching and filtering. Women that don't care don't matter. Let someone else take her out for 20 dates, helping her out with her house, getting blue balls And if she's capable of better, then let her be with someone who inspires her to that. Trust your gut. Low interest women in the early stages doesn't end up becoming a great relationship (not in my experiences). Better to replace than try to polish a turd. Enjoy your other girl, forget this one, and keep prioritizing your own needs. Naturally that's going to get you some hate. "You don't respect women", "you aren't a gentleman", and other stuff. See it for what it is, other people looking to get their needs met at the expense of your own. Oh trust me there is no stress here. This is done, I just enjoy debating situations like this to see what I can learn about the female mindset. I'm sure she has orbiters blowing up her phone but I am not one of them. I arranged the last date so there won't be another one unless she arranges it, let's see how keen she is to see me- my prediction is she is gonna fade out and that is fine. Some girls will tell me I'm too passive, not alpha or whatever but thst is my dating style. Chasing has never done me any good so the right girl for me will be the one that displays interest as much as I display mine. As for the hate I do think women try to control the narrative on propriety and exclusivity before sex etc. Each person has to date in the way they see fit, no problem with that (I myself don't want a girl who has sex on the first date but I don't want one that gives me blue balls for fun either). But I would say in my experience that the advice of 'ignore what they say, watch whst they do' is the best advice you can give any man (anyone actually, regardless of gender) because they mostly talk the talk but don't walk the walk. 1
guest569 Posted July 19, 2017 Posted July 19, 2017 I guess a lot of this is gut feeling and waiting to see how it pans out. I'm glad you found a better match instead and hope it goes well! Thanks for your response to my post as it cleared it up. I was kinda worried that you might have been writing it off over perceived disinterest due to leggings and the number of dates. Throwing away something potential. Maybe she had her period but didn't want to say. Maybe that clothing is just her style. As i said, i had a relationship where the first kiss was 5 dates in.. the sexual aspect of the relationship was amazing but it took us maybe 8-9 dates to get there. And he thought i wasn't interested when i was simply shy and inexperienced.
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