bct2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 hello I am in my thirties and have a really dysfunctional family that hardly talks as of late. but I will stick to one thing that happened that I thought I was over but once in awhile effects me. My parents are still married but both have a history of affairs on each other. My dad imigrated here in the late seventies but for some reason he wated a long time to apply for citizen ship. Around 2007 I was in my late twenties and I was staying at my parents house for a short period. I was on my dads computer doing something and there was an Icon on the desktop that caught my eye and I cant remember what it was titled but something made me open it and snoop. It was a legal documentation stating that my dad was the biological parent of my sister but not the biological father to me but raised me from when I was born. I was stunned and printed it out then confronted my dad. The document was part of something for his citizenship. My dad lost his temper and tried to take the paper from me and I cried and said you are not my dad I want a DNA test. He said if I ever ask that again he will never talk to me and he is my dad. It was really heated so I left the house and I talked to my mom on the phone and she said that he was my dad and that when I was born she did not put him as my dad for a couple reasons one being they were in a un stable relationship and two she said she was scared my dad would take me if he ever left the country. OK but i do not get why in document I found it said he stated he was not my biological father. Could it just have been becuase he was not on my birth certificate. I never got these answers my parents will not talk about it. I ended up having to let it go because my dad denied he was not biological father and he raised me so i said well there is nothing I could do. Since that has happen there has been a couple times when we were talking that I brought it up and got upset and they denied. Now again it started bothering me so I bought a 23 and me dna test yesterday. I am not sure how I will deal with the news but my dad is of an ethnicity that is non european so I will be able to tell my mom is german and irish. Should I let this go or do i deserve to know the truth? Another reason I want to know is because if he is not my father I would feel like then I should not be as involved or care as much about his culture if i am not part of it. I will always respect that he raised me and is my father I just dont get why I never got the truth. One time me and my grandma were talking and I really trust her she does not gossip anything I tell her, so I figured I would tell her what happened and she said she was not sure either way but she said my mom was a party girl when she met my dad and was going out a lot and she is not sure if my dad is biological she just was not sure. Well thanks for reading.
SaveYourHeart Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Blood doesn't make someone your Dad. Whether he was your sperm donor or not, he raised you and loved you unconditionally as his own. His culture IS your culture because he is the one that taught you all that you know. Take your DNA test, but regardless of the results, he is still your father no matter the reason why they didn't tell you. That is your DAD. Don't attack your parents for not telling you, they could have been trying to protect your or themselves. They may be ashamed, they may worry that you would be ashamed. And all of this could be for nothing because he is still possibly your sperm donor as well. If he is not the sperm donor, do not treat him or his culture any differently, that is still your father and he deserves the respect and love that he raised you with. 1
Author bct2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Author Posted July 13, 2017 Blood doesn't make someone your Dad. Whether he was your sperm donor or not, he raised you and loved you unconditionally as his own. His culture IS your culture because he is the one that taught you all that you know. Take your DNA test, but regardless of the results, he is still your father no matter the reason why they didn't tell you. That is your DAD. Don't attack your parents for not telling you, they could have been trying to protect your or themselves. They may be ashamed, they may worry that you would be ashamed. And all of this could be for nothing because he is still possibly your sperm donor as well. If he is not the sperm donor, do not treat him or his culture any differently, that is still your father and he deserves the respect and love that he raised you with. thank you that is what i plan to do, maybe my anger stems from other things and when things get bad I let this get to me among other things but will try and stop. Sometimes i go years and years without even thinking about it. Me and my mom got in a big argument over something else a couple days ago and for some reason it triggered me thinking about this again. 1
SaveYourHeart Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Just take the test, it will put your mind at ease and maybe you'll have some closure, either way. 1
reboot Posted July 14, 2017 Posted July 14, 2017 (edited) If he raised you and loved you he is your dad. Anyone can make a baby. Edited July 14, 2017 by reboot 1
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