Meejustmee Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 So I met someone new (not going to say how long I've been dating him bc I don't want the emphasis put on the time frame instead of the question. We are not friends on social media, but when it comes to checking in or photos it shouldn't matter if we are friends or not. So new guy and I have been seeing each other about 1-2 a week. We've done a lot of things together and he definitely social media and he always checks in places with friends and such. However, I noticed when we hang out and gonplaces 1. He never Checks me in and if a picture is taken with me in it by another person he will not accept the tag ( meaning he had to approve the picture before someone posts it to his wall). So....my question is; is he keeping me a secret? I feel as though he is. Like he is either still trying to portray the single life or like he doesn't want a specific "friend" to know I exist? Thoughts....
coolheadal Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 So I met someone new (not going to say how long I've been dating him bc I don't want the emphasis put on the time frame instead of the question. We are not friends on social media, but when it comes to checking in or photos it shouldn't matter if we are friends or not. So new guy and I have been seeing each other about 1-2 a week. We've done a lot of things together and he definitely social media and he always checks in places with friends and such. However, I noticed when we hang out and gonplaces 1. He never Checks me in and if a picture is taken with me in it by another person he will not accept the tag ( meaning he had to approve the picture before someone posts it to his wall). So....my question is; is he keeping me a secret? I feel as though he is. Like he is either still trying to portray the single life or like he doesn't want a specific "friend" to know I exist? Thoughts.... You care a lot about social media don't you? What are you doing are you letting everyone know that you too are together. Works both ways. You can't tell him what to do on his account his account he can act like what he wants. You are single too your not engage your just going out and doing stuff. No matter what happens your in a single relationship with him, he would need to change his status but he might do that just yet. If you bail out he looses everything in his social media ego. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) I think knowing how long you've been dating is actually a big factor in order to respond constructively. If you're still very new in your relationship, I don't think you have any claim to what he does or how he posts on his social media pages. Particularly if you haven't had the exclusivity talk yet. If you've been dating for a year or more, then yes, I guess I can see it being a concern and certainly something to discuss especially if you're both active on social media. But you need to keep in mind that some people don't have a need to parade their personal lives online for a variety of reasons. It doesn't always have to be negative why they don't. I think that when it comes to new relationships, there are some people who prefer to tread carefully regarding posting personal stuff if only to avoid the embarrassment of it all when things goes tits up in a few weeks or months. Then again, if someone is very active and they've been dating someone for a significant period of time, I can see how it can cause some concern why they aren't posting or tagging to some degree their own real life relationship. So how long have you been dating? Edited July 13, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle 3
GunslingerRoland Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 I don't think much of it, even if you are exclusive but you are in the first few weeks of dating, it sounds like it's pretty new and he may not want to advertise the new relationship and get a whole host of questions about it, from everyone and their dog, until he's a little more sure it's going to work out. Geez you guys don't even have each others as friends yet, and you're already worried about this. 1
Author Meejustmee Posted July 13, 2017 Author Posted July 13, 2017 I think knowing how long you've been dating is actually a big factor in order to respond constructively. If you're still very new in your relationship, I don't think you have any claim to what he does or how he posts on his social media pages. Particularly if you haven't had the exclusivity talk yet. If you've been dating for a year or more, then yes, I guess I can see it being a concern and certainly something to discuss especially if you're both active on social media. But you need to keep in mind that some people don't have a need to parade their personal lives online for a variety of reasons. It doesn't always have to be negative why they don't. I think that when it comes to new relationships, there are some people who prefer to tread carefully regarding posting personal stuff if only to avoid the embarrassment of it all when things goes tits up in a few weeks or months. Then again, if someone is very active and they've been dating someone for a significant period of time, I can see how it can cause some concern why they aren't posting or tagging to some degree their own real life relationship. So how long have you been dating? Actually we have dated for well over a year, broke up for about three months and started dating again in this May.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Actually we have dated for well over a year, broke up for about three months and started dating again in this May. Okay, that helps. So to be clear, you've dated over a year and have never friended each other on social media? Any particular reason why not? Was it a formal discussion or just something neither of you ever got around to doing?
Author Meejustmee Posted July 13, 2017 Author Posted July 13, 2017 Okay, that helps. So to be clear, you've dated over a year and have never friended each other on social media? Any particular reason why not? Was it a formal discussion or just something neither of you ever got around to doing? We were at one point friends on social media. He deleted me when we stopped seeing each other bc he claimed it was too hard to see my page. He hasn't friended me and the same on my end. He will now post certain things public ( so I can see) and then other things as only friends so that I can't see...or at least that's what I assume. However we do have mutual friends and they will tell me. Not that I ask. But it is a little hurtful and unsettling.
GunslingerRoland Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Given the situation I would say it's similar to what I said above with the twist that you aren't just dating for the first time, you're now giving it another shot after having broken up. I can get that from his perspective. Everyone he knows probably knew you were dating and then broke up. Now all of the sudden while you're taking a second shot he doesn't want to make a big announcement that you guys are back together if it isn't going to happen. My wife and I broke up at one point while dating and that helped us get some perspective on our relationship. But the fact that you've decided to make another go of it, but are only seeing each other once or twice a week makes it seem like you're still feeling out if you even should be back together again. Focus on that first, and then worry about announcements to the world.
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Stop taking it so personally....he just doesn't want people all up in his biz.
Author Meejustmee Posted July 13, 2017 Author Posted July 13, 2017 Given the situation I would say it's similar to what I said above with the twist that you aren't just dating for the first time, you're now giving it another shot after having broken up. I can get that from his perspective. Everyone he knows probably knew you were dating and then broke up. Now all of the sudden while you're taking a second shot he doesn't want to make a big announcement that you guys are back together if it isn't going to happen. My wife and I broke up at one point while dating and that helped us get some perspective on our relationship. But the fact that you've decided to make another go of it, but are only seeing each other once or twice a week makes it seem like you're still feeling out if you even should be back together again. Focus on that first, and then worry about announcements to the world. Thank you for your response. We see each other once or twice a week due to our family obligations. We both have custody of our children. Although he only lives 30 min. From me it's difficult to get together more. I don't feel that an announcement is in order but I just can't shake the idea of him keeping me a secret. I did think about your point of us being broken up and then back together. There's nothing worse then seeing other people post how in love they are one week and then how much they despise that same person a few weeks later! We didn't do any of that tho. And I don't have a problem if he didn't feel like putting our relationship on blast. But he never had a problem before
fred123 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Thank you for your response. We see each other once or twice a week due to our family obligations. We both have custody of our children. Although he only lives 30 min. From me it's difficult to get together more. I don't feel that an announcement is in order but I just can't shake the idea of him keeping me a secret. I did think about your point of us being broken up and then back together. There's nothing worse then seeing other people post how in love they are one week and then how much they despise that same person a few weeks later! We didn't do any of that tho. And I don't have a problem if he didn't feel like putting our relationship on blast. But he never had a problem before coming from my experience im gonna throw another idea in. maybe he just doesnt see a future with you that why he does that?
GunslingerRoland Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Thank you for your response. We see each other once or twice a week due to our family obligations. We both have custody of our children. Although he only lives 30 min. From me it's difficult to get together more. I don't feel that an announcement is in order but I just can't shake the idea of him keeping me a secret. I did think about your point of us being broken up and then back together. There's nothing worse then seeing other people post how in love they are one week and then how much they despise that same person a few weeks later! We didn't do any of that tho. And I don't have a problem if he didn't feel like putting our relationship on blast. But he never had a problem before It's one thing seeing someone with a new person, vs. seeing them back with their old lover. There is an expectation there, oh look Joe is back with Susan. It's dramatic, it's gossipy. And with things like Facebook, we often have a lot of people on their that we don't need in our day to day business. If you guys suddenly have a bunch of pics on Facebook together it's a big announcement whether you consider it one or not.
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