ptrl0362 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 So a few months ago my boyfriend bought concert tickets for his mom's birthday - one for her, one for him and one for me - for July 18th - which happens to be my grandma's birthday (he did not know this, but also assumed I would be available to go). In order to celebrate her 88th birthday and go to the concert, I had come up with a solution - I would take the day off of work to spend it with her and go to the concert in the evening. However, I unexpectedly got a new job (I was recruited and offered a position with a new company within 5 days). So I am in my two weeks notice period with my current employer and unable to take a day off. My family has organized a birthday dinner for my grandmother for the evening of July 18th. So I had to hesitantly tell my boyfriend about it today. He was pretty disheartened and quite upset despite saying he understands. I just want to ensure I'm doing the right thing here by canceling or am I totally wrong? I'm very close with my grandmother and it would hurt me to miss her birthday celebrations.
vickyp Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 So a few months ago my boyfriend bought concert tickets for his mom's birthday - one for her, one for him and one for me - for July 18th - which happens to be my grandma's birthday (he did not know this, but also assumed I would be available to go). In order to celebrate her 88th birthday and go to the concert, I had come up with a solution - I would take the day off of work to spend it with her and go to the concert in the evening. However, I unexpectedly got a new job (I was recruited and offered a position with a new company within 5 days). So I am in my two weeks notice period with my current employer and unable to take a day off. My family has organized a birthday dinner for my grandmother for the evening of July 18th. So I had to hesitantly tell my boyfriend about it today. He was pretty disheartened and quite upset despite saying he understands. I just want to ensure I'm doing the right thing here by canceling or am I totally wrong? I'm very close with my grandmother and it would hurt me to miss her birthday celebrations. Your grandma wont be around forever. Cherish those moments. Spend your time with her. 11
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 There will be other concerts to go to with your bf and he's not stuck alone he's got his mother to go with. At 88 I doubt your grandmother will head to bed at 1 am. Is is possible for you to join the concert later? 2
lurker74 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Options in Order of What Would Be My Preference (or, OOWWBMP): 1) Get sick that day (not like they're going to fire you); 2) Go to the concert and celebrate your grandma's birthday the day before or after 3) Don't go to the concert I'm not sure how old you are but I've found that once you get past, say, 35, celebrating your birthday on your birthday is not very important. Spending time with family is important but that can be on other days, so if I were you, I would definitely go to the concert. It doesn't mean you love your grandma any less. 1
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 I'm not sure how old you are but I've found that once you get past, say, 35, celebrating your birthday on your birthday is not very important. At 35 we have several birthdays ahead of us, at 88 this might be her grand-ma's last birthday. 5
Zahara Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Your grandma is 88. You don't know how many more birthdays you get to celebrate with her. Embrace every opportunity you have to spend those special moments with her. I was supposed to fly home and spend my Nana's 88th birthday with her but flights were too expensive (international). When she found out I wasn't going to be there, my mom told me that she was sad through the whole party. The following year she passed away. I still regret it. And yes, we were so very close. There will be more concerts to come and you and your boyfriend will have many more experiences, moments and celebrations together. Take this day to spend it with her. 5
Gr8fuln2020 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 I'm very close with my grandmother and it would hurt me to miss her birthday celebrations. I believe this is a no-brainer. You celebrate with YOUR grandmother with whom you are close! Meet earlier this weekend or next week to wish your bf's mom happy b-day and explain to her why you cannot attend the concert. She would understand. 3
Rockdad Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 I would bet you know in your heart what the right choice is. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 So a few months ago my boyfriend bought concert tickets for his mom's birthday - one for her, one for him and one for me - for July 18th - which happens to be my grandma's birthday (he did not know this, but also assumed I would be available to go). In order to celebrate her 88th birthday and go to the concert, I had come up with a solution - I would take the day off of work to spend it with her and go to the concert in the evening. However, I unexpectedly got a new job (I was recruited and offered a position with a new company within 5 days). So I am in my two weeks notice period with my current employer and unable to take a day off. My family has organized a birthday dinner for my grandmother for the evening of July 18th. So I had to hesitantly tell my boyfriend about it today. He was pretty disheartened and quite upset despite saying he understands. I just want to ensure I'm doing the right thing here by canceling or am I totally wrong? I'm very close with my grandmother and it would hurt me to miss her birthday celebrations. What is the employer going to do -- fire you??? Sticking out your 2 weeks notice is a "favor" to your employer not an obligation. You've submitted your resignation and it's only one day. If you were "taking" a week off, then I might struggle with this. 1
ChatroomHero Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) If you were going to take the day off to celebrate during the day it doesn't sound like being at the actual party is a major deal, just spending time with her. I don't see why you can't spend time with her the night before, take her to a birthday dinner, buy her a cake, whatever. Most birthday parties for people I know, older or younger, are usually on different days than their actual birthday due to convenience. I mean if my family or friends take me to a birthday dinner on Tuesday and my birthday is Friday, it's not like on Friday I'm like wth, where is everyone? Basically you celebrate her birthday with her, I don't see why when you have other plans and paid for tickets you have to celebrate on the actual day. Let's face it, whoever is throwing the party, if they had concert tickets for that night would have planned the party another day than her actual birthday. I really don't see it as a major deal to celebrate with her another night as opposed to having to attend an organized party. I originally read it as you just started your new job, not that you were in your final two weeks with your current employer. Call in sick, tell them you are taking the day off, whatever. They hold no power over you other than firing you early and losing the rest of the two weeks pay. If so, tell your new employer you are able to start earlier. If I gave my two weeks and I had this situation, I would have no second though of taking one day off during my two weeks notice. If you have sick time, you are still entitled to it anyway regardless of notice. Edited July 13, 2017 by ChatroomHero 1
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 I am an employer and I discourage OP to call in sick when she is not. It will not impress her employer and if ever she comes across someone from her company at the concert or in the streets or at a restaurant later she is done! 4
kendahke Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 I vote for spending the time with grandma. She's got far fewer birthdays left and any time you spend with her, she will always appreciate. Your boyfriend could have floated this past you before he spent the money and expected you to be there, but he didn't. Oh well... he'll get over it. 1
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Grandma's Birthday. Meet up with your BF and his mom after the party. I'm sure your BF can find another family member or friend to join them on short notice. 1
1fish2fish Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Is it possible to take a half day? Or arrive a couple hours early to make up for taking off early? I'm with whoever suggested celebrating with Grandma the night before and then go to the concert. However, if you have no other option but to choose one or the other, Grandma for the win! It's completely fine and understandable that your BF is disappointed, but he will be fine. Now if he holds this against you in the future, then there's a problem. Wishing your grandma a very happy 88th! 1
Lorenza Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Grandma's Birthday! And to stay there until the end of the dinner party so she doesn't feel you're in the rush to leave. To heck with the concert - you won't have another grandma. We don't realize that, while that person is still alive, how much we're gonna miss them after they're gone. Probably doesn't matter what we do we'll end up feeling like we haven't done enough, but still... Your boyfriend will get over it. He'll be making his own memories with his mom and spending some quality time. Btw, I'm a passionate traveler but whenever I'm on vacation, I book a ticket to my home country and make sure I go spend time with my granny instead. Every time I come back, she's a bit older, wrinklier and slighter. Traveling can wait, events can wait, boyfriends can wait etc. Time won't wait. 3
preraph Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 It's a totally acceptable reason for you to cancel on your boyfriend. If he doesn't find someone else to use the other ticket, maybe you reimburse him for it. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) Oops, nm I missed the sentence about the actual birthday dinner. Yeah I would miss the concert in that case, unless the timing works out that you can do both. (Concerts usually start after 8 and sometimes older people can't stay out that late anyway.) Edited July 13, 2017 by GunslingerRoland 1
guest569 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) What is the employer going to do -- fire you??? Sticking out your 2 weeks notice is a "favor" to your employer not an obligation. You've submitted your resignation and it's only one day. If you were "taking" a week off, then I might struggle with this. Exactly my thoughts. They already approved your day off. Screw them. Go to see your grandmother. Since it had been rescheduled to dinner though, i guess it is irrelevant now. All of my grandparents have passed away and i think you should definitely cherish the time you have with them. Edited July 13, 2017 by smiley1
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Exactly my thoughts. They already approved your day off. Screw them. Go to see your grandmother. Since it had been rescheduled to dinner though, i guess it is irrelevant now. All of my grandparents have passed away and i think you should definitely cherish the time you have with them. Her day off is not approved. The old job had said ok for her day off but since she has started a new job and is now on a 2 week probation. You don't miss work when you're on probation and absolutely not miss work justified by a lie.
ChatroomHero Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Her day off is not approved. The old job had said ok for her day off but since she has started a new job and is now on a 2 week probation. You don't miss work when you're on probation and absolutely not miss work justified by a lie. Her post said she is still working with her old employer, she gave a 2 week notice and is in the final two weeks with her soon to be ex-employer and has not started her new job yet. Did I miss something? 2
guest569 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Her post said she is still working with her old employer, she gave a 2 week notice and is in the final two weeks with her soon to be ex-employer and has not started her new job yet. Did I miss something? That's what I read too. 2 weeks notice with the old job. They should honour this and let OP spend the day with her 88 yo grandmother as planned. Anyway, guess it doesn't matter as plans have been shifted to accommodate.
loverboy69 Posted July 14, 2017 Posted July 14, 2017 Aww I vote for Grandma too! I was a fool and didn't go with my family to visit my Grandma out of state the last time because I got so caught up in my career. 2 weeks after they visited she passed in her sleep. She loved me so much and asked about me but I was too selfish thus the regret. 1
Gaeta Posted July 14, 2017 Posted July 14, 2017 Her post said she is still working with her old employer, she gave a 2 week notice and is in the final two weeks with her soon to be ex-employer and has not started her new job yet. Did I miss something? OH! I really misunderstood that part eh! Then her day off has already been approved.
elaine567 Posted July 14, 2017 Posted July 14, 2017 If you were going to take the day off to celebrate during the day it doesn't sound like being at the actual party is a major deal, just spending time with her. I don't see why you can't spend time with her the night before, take her to a birthday dinner, buy her a cake, whatever. Most birthday parties for people I know, older or younger, are usually on different days than their actual birthday due to convenience. That will not work as the OP will be missing the organised family dinner celebration for the grandma. The time when they are all together celebrating the big event. It is about family unity and not about box ticking the time spent with the grandma. If the OP does not go, there will be an "empty space" at the dinner table, she will be absent from family photos and her absence will be greatly felt. She will be choosing some other woman over her own very elderly grandma and that will be hurtful to her grandma and her whole family. 4
Bastile Posted July 15, 2017 Posted July 15, 2017 She will be choosing some other woman over her own very elderly grandma and that will be hurtful to her grandma and her whole family. The priorities are a bit off. Personally, my nan was the woman I loved most in my whole life. A bit of a matriarch over my family. The thought of having ditched her birthday to spend time with a girlfriend's mother (who I can't even remember anymore anyway) is just not focusing on the important things in life. Men will come and go. Prioritize your gran. 3
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