Shs101 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Alright serious question for a very dumb thing here IMO (aka social media causing bickering in relationship) Long story short I've been this girl for 3 months now...new to our relationship but we are AMAZING with each other. Seriously, were a great couple and she treats me well as likewise. Just one thing that constantly bothers me is her instagram use. In other words, more so, her liking guys selfies... yes it sounds dumb because it is dumb but it's enough to get me aggravated. I'm 24 she's 25....I know she treats me well I know she's loyal, etc etc. but I have a hard time staying off her page and "lurking" as I'm sure most people do or have done and it's horrible. It's like an addicting pain. To see **** that 97 percent of it doesn't even matter. Is it jealousy? I honestly don't think so because contrary to belief I'm a pretty secure person, so I believe. I think I just feel disrespected in a way. For starters, these guys are not her friends. NO I'm not trying to "control" her, 8 just feel you shouldn't be liking guys posing around selfies when you're with someone. i know the girls on here are going to respond with the "you don't own her" ..no kidding. Again I'm very happy with her otherwise. But seeing stuff like that just gives me a bad image of her. It's a shame what social media does to relationships these days. Any positive advice on going on with this subject other than delete your accounts. Please I'm really looking for advice here... the subject to me just seems too crazy to argue with her about and I know this that's why I've came here to see what anyone else thinks about this.
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) She is liking guys but she is not communication with these guys right? It's no different her being out with the girlies and say "oh check that hottie over there". Just that you can see it on social media. It's how technology have formed the human race. The behavior sucks, yes I get it, but you can't stop a freight train. In the old days it used to be a website called hot or not. Rating people, putting yourself on there people rating you....so degrading but people did it for the entertainment, and possible ego boost. Edited July 13, 2017 by smackie9 1
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 My recommendation is stop lurking on her social media and be more productive with your time. All you are doing is driving yourself nuts. 3
doyathinkso Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Most social media is one great steaming reeking pile of boooollsheeeeet!! It turns people's attitudes about relationships towards being so shallow. 1
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 If the situation was reversed and your gf was posting here about her boyfriend liking hot girls selfies we would all tell her it's disrespectful so I vote for your girlfriend is disrespectful of you. At 25 your gf should have better sense than this. If I were you I'd have a conversation about it. Not liking hot dudes selfis ain't gonna kill her. It's called being respectful of each other. If my bf did this I'd be hurt and I'd probably kick him in the head for being insensitive. 4
kendahke Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 I beg to differ on the notion that you're a secure guy. Anyone who is driven to write what you wrote and post it isn't a secure guy. If a girl wrote it, I'd say the same thing. I like guys' selfies on Instagram and it doesn't mean I want them or want to be bothered with them... it's just expressing amusement for me. The difference is that I don't then write a message and post it under the picture--to me, that IS taking it a step too far; but you didn't say that she was doing that. You just said she is liking the pictures and that is not disrespect. It's really easy to stop creeping on her social media--you just choose not to do it. It's more a shame what insecurity does to relationships that perhaps shouldn't even be... 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) I beg to differ on the notion that you're a secure guy. Anyone who is driven to write what you wrote and post it isn't a secure guy. If a girl wrote it, I'd say the same thing. I like guys' selfies on Instagram and it doesn't mean I want them or want to be bothered with them... it's just expressing amusement for me. The difference is that I don't then write a message and post it under the picture--to me, that IS taking it a step too far; but you didn't say that she was doing that. You just said she is liking the pictures and that is not disrespect. It's really easy to stop creeping on her social media--you just choose not to do it. It's more a shame what insecurity does to relationships that perhaps shouldn't even be... Let me start this by saying I'm someone who, for the most part, HATES social media, or at least the main and more popular platforms out there today. Unless you're a business/charity or someone selling/promoting something of perceived value I see absolutely no reason or justification for it except some insatiable need for constant attention and global validation. And the older you are, the sadder it is. Having said that, it's the way things are today and it doesn't appear to be going away any time soon. As much as I may not like it or see much value in it, I don't think simply 'liking' someone's selfie is a crime all on it's own. I might have thrown you some support and chimed in with members who called it disrespectful had she been liking pics of men she knows personally and I might have given you even more support if she were leaving suggestive comments along with her likes, but just liking something? Even I don't think this is as bad as you're making it out to be. I second that that you're not as secure as you're claiming to be. I think you think you are. It sounds to me like you're trying to convince yourself most of all. Unfortunately this post clearly says otherwise. If your new girlfriend hasn't given you any reason to doubt or question her loyalty to you then why are you looking for problems?! Yes, social media is the devil and so often is the single match that sets many relationships up in flames but usually there is an abundance of evidence proving indiscretion and inappropriate behavior to back it up. It doesn't sound like that is the case here. IMO, simply liking a total strangers pic isn't enough to go A-wall and condemn someone to life in prison without parole. If that's the case then perhaps you need to stop dating women who are active on social media. And you may want to start with yourself since your insecurity is causing you to lurk in the shadows using your own social media account. I'm not sure which is worse, her liking pics of strangers or you stalking her accounts and jumping to conclusions. Good luck. Edited July 13, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle
Lorenza Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 I beg to differ on the notion that you're a secure guy. Anyone who is driven to write what you wrote and post it isn't a secure guy. If a girl wrote it, I'd say the same thing. I like guys' selfies on Instagram and it doesn't mean I want them or want to be bothered with them... it's just expressing amusement for me. The difference is that I don't then write a message and post it under the picture--to me, that IS taking it a step too far; but you didn't say that she was doing that. You just said she is liking the pictures and that is not disrespect. It's really easy to stop creeping on her social media--you just choose not to do it. It's more a shame what insecurity does to relationships that perhaps shouldn't even be... So for you, commenting under the picture is a step too far. But for OP that step is liking the pictures. Why do we get to decide what boundaries are ok to have and what aren't? If you're bothered by something and don't feel respected when your partner does it - it already IS a step too far.
coolheadal Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Alright serious question for a very dumb thing here IMO (aka social media causing bickering in relationship) Long story short I've been this girl for 3 months now...new to our relationship but we are AMAZING with each other. Seriously, were a great couple and she treats me well as likewise. Just one thing that constantly bothers me is her instagram use. In other words, more so, her liking guys selfies... yes it sounds dumb because it is dumb but it's enough to get me aggravated. I'm 24 she's 25....I know she treats me well I know she's loyal, etc etc. but I have a hard time staying off her page and "lurking" as I'm sure most people do or have done and it's horrible. It's like an addicting pain. To see **** that 97 percent of it doesn't even matter. Is it jealousy? I honestly don't think so because contrary to belief I'm a pretty secure person, so I believe. I think I just feel disrespected in a way. For starters, these guys are not her friends. NO I'm not trying to "control" her, 8 just feel you shouldn't be liking guys posing around selfies when you're with someone. i know the girls on here are going to respond with the "you don't own her" ..no kidding. Again I'm very happy with her otherwise. But seeing stuff like that just gives me a bad image of her. It's a shame what social media does to relationships these days. Any positive advice on going on with this subject other than delete your accounts. Please I'm really looking for advice here... the subject to me just seems too crazy to argue with her about and I know this that's why I've came here to see what anyone else thinks about this. My GOD! Why do you care about this.. Let her do what she wants as she's doing it anyway. You care about her, you don't like what she does, but you care about her. So that's it! You care about her so go with that. Forget what else she does. You can't stop her, but remember you care about her. Always remember what you said. "You care about her". Why would you delete her from your account? But you care about her! Just have to live like this because why?? Because you care about her! That's why simple said and done! Who's next? 2
kendahke Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 Why do we get to decide what boundaries are ok to have and what aren't? Because he put it out there for people of differing opinions to comment on. 2
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 There is a big differences between liking the picture of a hollywood start and liking the picture of a regular guy that puts sexy selfies of himself. Liking the picture of a regular joe-blow is the same as messaging him to tell him you like him. I am a big fan of Liam Neeson and my bf thinks it's cute. If I was a fan of the sexy stranger probably living in my town I don't think he'd find this cute. 1
Gaeta Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 So for you, commenting under the picture is a step too far. But for OP that step is liking the pictures. Why do we get to decide what boundaries are ok to have and what aren't? If you're bothered by something and don't feel respected when your partner does it - it already IS a step too far. Agree. Liking someone's picture IS a comment and IS a communication. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 (edited) Perhaps context is important here; How active on social media was your girlfriend before you entered her life? Did she respond similarly with just a bunch of 'likes' or was she more engaged by leaving comments and messaging other users? Is she one who tends to just browse and rarely posts or does she actually post her own stuff? How often is she on social media browsing and/or posting/interacting? Does her time on social media take away time from you and your relationship? Have you talked with her about your feelings about what she's doing? What's YOUR track record on social media? Have you changed the way you interact since being with her? Honestly, anyone who has issues with social media including the need to continuously lurk on one's SO pages probably shouldn't be dating people who are active on it. If that seems unrealistic and/or feels like an impossibility then I think you owe it to yourself and your relationship to, at the very least, sit down and talk about expectations regarding social media as well as what and where the boundaries are. It's the only way to safeguard your relationship and give each of you peace of mind while still remaining as active users. Edited July 13, 2017 by Michelle ma Belle
mistycord Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 A close friend of mine and her boyfriend recently got into a major argument over him liking other women'a pictures on Instagram. She says it wouldn't bother her as much if the pictures he liked weren't provocative. The guy I'm currently dating rarely likes other girls pictures (except mine lol) and his feed is mostly rabbits and dogs lol. In the rare occasion he likes another woman's picture it's more because of a special occasion or achievement of the woman which doesn't bother me personally but everyone has different comfort levels. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Be really careful to not come off as accusatory. Maybe something like "I've noticed you like a lot of other guy's picture and while I'm not accusing you of anything it makes me feel a little like it's disrespectful to our relationship" or something to that effect.
Joga_31 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 I beg to differ on the notion that you're a secure guy. Anyone who is driven to write what you wrote and post it isn't a secure guy. If a girl wrote it, I'd say the same thing. I like guys' selfies on Instagram and it doesn't mean I want them or want to be bothered with them... it's just expressing amusement for me. The difference is that I don't then write a message and post it under the picture--to me, that IS taking it a step too far; but you didn't say that she was doing that. You just said she is liking the pictures and that is not disrespect. It's really easy to stop creeping on her social media--you just choose not to do it. It's more a shame what insecurity does to relationships that perhaps shouldn't even be... I get this guy though, but yes for himself it better to just stop creeping his girl's insta, he will drive himself nuts when in the end its not worth it since she is with him.
guest569 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 If they were her friends or celebrities, fine! Otherwise it just seems odd to be. But I'm not a social media type. Does she like any other photos or just random men?? Have you talked to her on this topic (i noticed you said it is causing bickering )??
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 If she doesn't see anything wrong with it then you both are not on the same page....call it quits on her.
guest569 Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 If she doesn't see anything wrong with it then you both are not on the same page....call it quits on her. You may be right. OP has expressed that he feels 'aggravated' by this situation but seems to be attempting to dismiss his discontent by calling it a minor, petty issue. Whilst a discussion might help, if not, I think it is a big deal to OP, who might need to reevaluate things.
SammySammy Posted July 13, 2017 Posted July 13, 2017 If she didn't like the picture, she could still be attracted to a guy and still contact him. The only thing not liking the picture does is ease his insecurities. It doesn't make his relationship more secure. She can still leave him for a guy she found on Instagram. I think it's just one of those things you have to be aware of and deal with in modern dating. People have to understand how certain behaviors erode trust and respect in a relationship. And we have to know at what point we decide to stay or leave the relationship. Because, realistically, that's all we really control. Our decision to stay or leave. 1
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