TodayTomorrow Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Hi, this is my first time posting on the forum. I feel like I’ve been burning out my friends and family with my constant updates of how ****ty I’m feeling. My boyfriend broke up with me last week and I’m having an extremely hard time working through all the emotions. I’m constantly distracted and am ready to cry at any second. I’m mostly at a loss because my ex and I got along in nearly every aspect. But over the last 2 months he had become more stand-offish and less engaged with the relationship. We talked several times and it became clear that he is amidst a quarter-life crisis. He wants to make a career as an artist and put all his time/effort toward making that work. He sees this moment as a break it or break it point in his life So as we saw each other less, he also started to blame me for his inability to meet these goals (it was subtle but very obvious to me). I tried compromising and gave him his space/time to work through some of this but it wasn’t enough. So last week he broke up with me- it took us 3 days to do it. At first he explained he felt like he couldn’t make our relationship work because he needed to spend more time on his art pursuits. That he wanted to be with me, but didn’t know how to make it work. In the past he had also expressed how he just wants to be by himself when he’s stressed out and doesn’t need anyone to talk to. During the break I expressed to him that he was making a choice to not be with me and that he should look for better avenues for managing stress instead of keeping it to himself. We both cried a lot and told each other how much we miss each other. After 6 days of NC I texted him something dumb and we exchanged a few innocent lines. I went further and told him that this sucks and that I miss him. He apologized and told me he missed me too. We both said we were really sad. He went on and expressed that he hates feeling like he let me down and that he was letting his issues impact the relationship. He didn’t want this to bring me down or for his issues be taken out on me. He thinks this sucks but the time alone is helping him focus and get better. He also said he’s taking my advice for finding new ways to deal with things. I told him I’m glad he’s working through some of these things and that I wish he didn’t feel like he had to do it on his own. We left it with me basically telling him that it’s really hard for me to let someone go who I care so much about. So now I don’t know how to move forward. I feel like if he could just get his **** together we could get back together. I feel really helpless and just want him back. Any advice or thoughts would are welcomed.
Zahara Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 So now I don’t know how to move forward. I feel like if he could just get his **** together we could get back together. I feel really helpless and just want him back. Any advice or thoughts would are welcomed. I'm sorry you are hurting. I know how painful it must be. I would advise you to try and ignore the words that are being fed to you because it will only keep you hanging on to hope. Usually, a dumper will feed you lines due to guilt so don't place any weight as to what he is saying i.e. his focus, his stress management, etc. He may be depressed and checking out but you cannot wait for him to untangle his life or be certain that whatever he's saying will ultimately reunite you two. Don't project your value of this relationship on him. Your view of "compatibility" may be completely of course with his view of the relationship. You have to accept that he now feels differently and may continue to do so. I would suggest you tell him that you need to cut contact completely so that you may heal and move on and if he gets to a point where he wants to revisit the relationship, only then should he contact you. You need to set that boundary. You also need to have the discipline to self-preserve and stay NC. You are experiencing grief. It's going to be a difficult process. Lean on your friends and family for support. Cry as much as you need to and purge those feelings. The helplessness you feel is natural. You're going to get through this. 1
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