hmmm101 Posted August 7, 2005 Posted August 7, 2005 ok, so this may seem kind of stupid because the situation at hand is high school love, but i do believe that in this case, its way more than that. so I have been goin out with the most amazing girl i have ever met.....literally. we have been going out for almost 9 months, and it has been goin very well since the beginning....i mean the only arguments we have ever had were stupid little things like who is better looking, all that playful stuff. but anyways....... about 3 days ago i spent the day with her, and it was amazing. i mean we were loving every minute of eachothers company, and i know this. so when i dropped her off at the end of the night, we did the usual, hug, kiss or 2, and an "i love you!" to eachother. i got home, and went online. then things got hairy. we start talking online, starting off very casual, nothing bad, and then she puts an away message up for about 2 minutes saying "it SUCKS when you love someone, and that love goes away for a little bit." so when she returns she tells me to call, which i do. now i ask "whats going on?" she is hysterically crying, and tells me that she is not loveing me as much, more or less, and that its been goin on for the past few weeks. the weird part is that she says its been off and on. after discussing it, we figured out that it seems that she loves me completely when im phisically around, but when we are together on the fone or online, its not so much love. i think this is kind of strange, but i dont know. i thought about it and asked her if she thought that if we spent more alone time like we once did, would the love come back in full. she thought it could deffinitely work. now its been 3 days, and she has been very busy in that time, with family stuff and babysitting, but we are planning to get together this week sometime. i conferred with my cousin about hte situation, and he suggested that there may be another guy that she is interested in, but i doubt it because of the fact that when we had that first discussion, the first thing she said was that she doesnt want to be alone again, which indicates she isnt interested in another. im very scared for our relationship, and i really dont want it to end. i'm completely in love with her, and i know it becasue i've never felt this way with other girls. please, if anyone out there has any ideas as to what i could do to help her see the love, it would be much appreciated. thanks
Mr.positive Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 You cant on your feelings there not real. Dont pressure her at all this will not help.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 22, 2005 Posted August 22, 2005 She is falling out of love with you, and is upset because she is powerless to stop it. There may be another guy, there may not be - but despite the motivation or reasons, the love is slipping away. People do not fall out of love on purpose, any more than they fall in love on purpose. It is thrilling and wonderful to fall in love, and it is painful and confusing to fall out of love. I don't think there is any way to pinpoint exactly why people fall out of love - only that they do, and outside influences either slow down or speed up the process but rarely will they stop it. You don't just instantly fall out of love. Its like watching a big jug of water with a pinhole leak. You won't actually notice it leaking until you begin to notice its lost a lot of water (too late). She is at a stage where she still has love for you, but is watching it leak away and has no way of plugging up that leak. It isn't easy for you, and it isn't easy for her. When she is away, it leaks away with no concern. When she is with you, she is clinging to you in hopes that she can somehow stop this from happening. The sad thing about it, is that as her emotional investment is leaking away - yours is still as strong and you want to bring her back up to that level. Ironically, trying to do so only delays the process and often ends up just speeding it along. You will need to try a different approach. Instead of asking her if she needs more love, ask her if she needs time alone to think about this, so that she can decide if she really wants to be with you or is only trying to recapture something she has already lost.
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