Yungstagurl Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 There's this guy that has been trying to sleep with me for about 2 years now. Don't know if it's just about sex or more but I think he may be giving up and is a little frustrated because I keep playing games. I'm wondering how long does it take to stop wanting someone? I know it's different for each person but I'm just wondering from experience how long it takes. Do you continue to want them but no longer chase them or do you just move on to the next person?
basil67 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Your game playing is such a cruel response to him. Do you want him or not? Make up your mind and act accordingly. 1
Author Yungstagurl Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 I'm not trying to be cruel I'm really not. Its obvious we both are attracted to each other. I'm honestly just scared to take the risk. Also any idea how to prevent spam replies like the ones that have popped up I'm new to this.
mikeylo Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I'm not trying to be cruel I'm really not. Its obvious we both are attracted to each other. I'm honestly just scared to take the risk. Also any idea how to prevent spam replies like the ones that have popped up I'm new to this. You are not trying to be cruel but it is cruel. If he is genuine, the day he realizes you are playing games, he will despise you and move on. Then you will be left with tears. Be careful what you wish for ! 3
basil67 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 (edited) I'm not trying to be cruel I'm really not. Its obvious we both are attracted to each other. I'm honestly just scared to take the risk. Also any idea how to prevent spam replies like the ones that have popped up I'm new to this. We can't stop the spammers, but we can report them using the "alert us' button at the bottom of their post. I've reported these ones now. The mods will remove when they find the reports. I agree that while you may not intend to be cruel, you are still being cruel. Imagine how you'd feel if someone was playing games with your emotions. Anyway, I agree with you that after two years of this, he's probably giving up. Though I reckon he's had far more stamina than most would! Two years is an incredible amount of time to keep working at it. Whether or not this can be saved depends on just how much damage you've done to him. If he's reached the point where he's thinking awful things about you and your game playing, then I would say you killed any chance you had. If there is any chance at all, you must start a conversation on this topic with him. Be open, honest and consistent. Edited July 12, 2017 by basil67 1
Redhead14 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 You seem to be questioning his motives. Does this guy ask you/take you out on dates? Is he consistent with communication and seeing you or does he just have you to his place to hang out and then try to move to the bedroom? Have you had a conversation about what each of you is looking for out of your dating journeys? Get some clarity for yourself. And, be clear with him. And, I doubt he's only in it for the sex after 2 years. But, there's always a little risk in dating. If you really like this guy, you just have to take the risk. The great, Wayne Gretsky said "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take".
mikeylo Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 We can't stop the spammers, but we can report them using the "alert us' button at the bottom of their post. I've reported these ones now. The mods will remove when they find the reports. I agree that while you may not intend to be cruel, you are still being cruel. Imagine how you'd feel if someone was playing games with your emotions. Anyway, I agree with you that after two years of this, he's probably giving up. Though I reckon he's had far more stamina than most would! Two years is an incredible amount of time to keep working at it. Whether or not this can be saved depends on just how much damage you've done to him. If he's reached the point where he's thinking awful things about you and your game playing, then I would say you killed any chance you had. If there is any chance at all, you must start a conversation on this topic with him. Be open, honest and consistent. Opening a conversation needs courage,confidence and maturity but unfortunately OP lacks all these, hence the game playing. I figure 'it' has lasted 2 years because he couldn't see through your games. Now he probably has. Not good news for you if you like him. You've probably killed the attraction he felt. Put yourself in his shoes and walk for 2 days ( he did for 2 YEARS ! ) 3
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I'm not trying to be cruel I'm really not. Its obvious we both are attracted to each other. I'm honestly just scared to take the risk. He's not going to give up as long as their his hope. You playing games; you being attracted to him & you being scared all make him think that you can be persuaded. The younger they are, the longer this may go on. You said he wants to sleep with you. What do you want? Is there are possibility you two could have a relationship? Would you want that? What are you scared of? Is there some way to reassure you? Does he know any of this?
Author Yungstagurl Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 I do the thing is I actually do like the guy and I really think he just wants to have sex with me. He's asked me out on a date a few times but He's never said he wanted anything more nor said he didn't. We do talk and have personal conversations and consider each other friends
Redhead14 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I do the thing is I actually do like the guy and I really think he just wants to have sex with me. He's asked me out on a date a few times but He's never said he wanted anything more nor said he didn't. We do talk and have personal conversations and consider each other friends He's never said he wanted anything more nor said he didn't. -- That is where you start. Open a real conversation about you want for yourself and find out what he wants. Most guys are pretty upfront about all this. By the way, how old are you two? 2
Gaeta Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I do the thing is I actually do like the guy and I really think he just wants to have sex with me. He's asked me out on a date a few times but He's never said he wanted anything more nor said he didn't. We do talk and have personal conversations and consider each other friends Why do you think he just wants to have sex? Give us examples.
Author Yungstagurl Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 He's never said he wanted anything more nor said he didn't. -- That is where you start. Open a real conversation about you want for yourself and find out what he wants. Most guys are pretty upfront about all this. By the way, how old are you two? I hate to say because then you all will really get on me LOL. I'm 27 and he's 30. If I'm honest he's probably way more experience and more mature than me
Author Yungstagurl Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Why do you think he just wants to have sex? Give us examples. Because he jokes about it all the time. He always makes little slick remarks or advances. He's never touched me inappropriately though. He's a very confident and attractive guy that a lot of girls are attracted to and usually are crazy about. He's use to getting a lot of attention from women. I'm the shy quiet type so I do talk to him but he usually comes to me.
Gaeta Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Because he jokes about it all the time. He always makes little slick remarks or advances. He's never touched me inappropriately though. He's a very confident and attractive guy that a lot of girls are attracted to and usually are crazy about. He's use to getting a lot of attention from women. I'm the shy quiet type so I do talk to him but he usually comes to me. Have you dated before? This guy just sees you as a challenge. Once he gets you he'll be gone to his next game. Stop dangling a carrot in front of him. If he has tried for 2 years to get you it's because you're being a tease. It's a dangerous game to be playing. This is the perfect recipe for an eventual date rape.
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 If he's been trying for 2 years, there is reason to believe he wants more then just another notch on his bedpost. There are way easier & faster ways for him to get sex then continuing to chase you. Next time he makes a slick remark, ask him why he does that & tell him it bothers you because it makes you feel like he only wants sex & doesn't care about you as a person. Gage his reaction. If he's horrified & sincerely asks you out on a proper date, go. You may be surprised. If he laughs it off or tells you to stop being uptight, then you know he's a player & can response appropriately. 1
Gaeta Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 If he's been trying for 2 years, there is reason to believe he wants more then just another notch on his bedpost. There are way easier & faster ways for him to get sex then continuing to chase you. Next time he makes a slick remark, ask him why he does that & tell him it bothers you because it makes you feel like he only wants sex & doesn't care about you as a person. Gage his reaction. If he's horrified & sincerely asks you out on a proper date, go. You may be surprised. If he laughs it off or tells you to stop being uptight, then you know he's a player & can response appropriately. He is not waiting after her for sex, he's getting sex elsewhere and plenty. She is just his little challenge on the side. She's an ego boost. OP described him and he's a very secure man who's getting a lot of attention from females. If he wanted her sincerely he would have made it happen by now AND he wouldn't make all those sexual annuendoes. He'd be more respectful of her. 1
mikeylo Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 You are shy , quiet type with whom he makes sick sexual advances. Typical case of opposites where he is unfortunately taking advantage of your innocence. I take my previous comments back as the new details are conflicting. 1
Author Yungstagurl Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 I do appreciate the honesty from everyone but I don't think it's as bad as that. I do think its a challenge thing.let me clarify a few things. I have told him no before and he backed off. But we have gotten closer over the past year. We play around and joke with each other.. we have personal conversations and talk a lot without the sexual comments and we've gotten to know each other better. Once we did he asked me out again. I'm saying all that to say it's not that I think he wants more but we do have a relationship and it's not as cut and dry as him always saying sexual comments to me.
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Because he jokes about it all the time. He always makes little slick remarks or advances. He's never touched me inappropriately though. He's a very confident and attractive guy that a lot of girls are attracted to and usually are crazy about. He's use to getting a lot of attention from women. I'm the shy quiet type so I do talk to him but he usually comes to me. I do appreciate the honesty from everyone but I don't think it's as bad as that. I do think its a challenge thing.let me clarify a few things. I have told him no before and he backed off. But we have gotten closer over the past year. We play around and joke with each other.. we have personal conversations and talk a lot without the sexual comments and we've gotten to know each other better. Once we did he asked me out again. I'm saying all that to say it's not that I think he wants more but we do have a relationship and it's not as cut and dry as him always saying sexual comments to me. There is a big difference between vulgar comments & flirty banter of a sexual nature. Give the fact that you describe yourself as the shy quiet type & describe him as a confident person who is more sophisticated then you are, are am loathe to classify him as some sort of perverted user. I suspect he's trying to charm you & because you continue to participate in these sexual conversations he has no idea you find the discussion unwelcome. I also wonder if your naivety is causing you to overreact to banter that most people would not take offense at. If you are offended, you have every right to shut him down, even if others would not be troubled by his statements / behaviors. Although others like Gaeta, who is a very thoughtful, insightful person & a good judge of character, see this guy as a predator, I'm not so sure. I think you need to be more straightforward about what you want. If you would like to date him / have a relationship with him, let him know that. If you want him to never speak to you about sex again, then you need to say that & you need to put your foot down when the subject comes up. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 You are shy , quiet type with whom he makes sick sexual advances. '' She said slick (with an L). Where are you getting sick from?
mikeylo Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 '' She said slick (with an L). Where are you getting sick from? From my keyboard typo :lmao: 1
Author Yungstagurl Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 If he's been trying for 2 years, there is reason to believe he wants more then just another notch on his bedpost. There are way easier & faster ways for him to get sex then continuing to chase you. Next time he makes a slick remark, ask him why he does that & tell him it bothers you because it makes you feel like he only wants sex & doesn't care about you as a person. Gage his reaction. If he's horrified & sincerely asks you out on a proper date, go. You may be surprised. If he laughs it off or tells you to stop being uptight, then you know he's a player & can response appropriately. Jury is still out on that. I get what you are saying though. Why chase 1 girl for so long when you have plenty of other options. He attempted to have a serious conversation with me recently i avoided the conversation.
Redhead14 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Jury is still out on that. I get what you are saying though. Why chase 1 girl for so long when you have plenty of other options. He attempted to have a serious conversation with me recently i avoided the conversation. He attempted to have a serious conversation with me recently i avoided the conversation. -- WHY? You may have finally gotten the clarity you've been looking for. You are really playing games. You aren't treating him like a friend either. 4
mikeylo Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I do appreciate the honesty from everyone but I don't think it's as bad as that. I do think its a challenge thing.let me clarify a few things. I have told him no before and he backed off. But we have gotten closer over the past year. We play around and joke with each other.. we have personal conversations and talk a lot without the sexual comments and we've gotten to know each other better. Once we did he asked me out again. I'm saying all that to say it's not that I think he wants more but we do have a relationship and it's not as cut and dry as him always saying sexual comments to me. This entire thing is confusing and I guess the reason is that you both are not being upfront. Sex is part of every healthy romantic relationship and nothing to be ashamed of. After 2 years of whatever it is, you need to sit , talk and define. Or move on.
mikeylo Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Jury is still out on that. I get what you are saying though. Why chase 1 girl for so long when you have plenty of other options. He attempted to have a serious conversation with me recently i avoided the conversation. WHAT? He attempted and you avoided ? What am I missing? If you want him, the entire onus is on you and that too asap 1
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