Yazzy_lowes Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Hi guys, I'm new here and in a bit of a pickle... Well I'm just confused by the situation. I started dating this guy. I was more for casual hook ups but he wanted to do more dates we slept together a few times and since he implied he didn't want casual after our 3rd date I suggest a few dates that he never confirmed a day for despite saying yer he would love to. He wouldn't allow booty calls but would call me up to hug him . often I would be working so declined we would text all the time and if I was late responding he would shoot me a message on another platform. We would talk a lot about hobbies jobs etc. And he would call me sometimes even drunk but just to see how I am and if I was upset he would call n cheer me up/make sure I was ok. He also kept asking if I was dating other guys But since we wasn't meeting up and he wasn't interested in my booty calls I told him I found his behaviour confusing I would rather talk face to face then text none stop and the fact he kept saying yes to meeting but then not confirming a day annoyed me especially as he would call me over for cuddles in the same week. He said it's because he doesn't want to get too serious too soon(when hugging is more intimate then going on a date!) and I said that's fine let's keep it as mates cos I'm getting confused he said I'm just getting frustrated because he's not easy. To which I replied it's not that it's the not meeting up etc but calling me at 4am for a chat. The moment I suggested being friends he made time to see me that night called me over and just hugged me all night. I asked why is he making so much effort now and didn't really get much of a response. The next day I sent him a message saying I had the best sleep And he just replied no problem. Since then I haven't heard from him I shot him a text asking about an app to which he replied straight away and he made a little bit of conversation but since then nothing. It's been about 2weeks now I'm not sure if I should give him space And I'm confused why he wanted to hug me after I said to be mates
spiderowl Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 I'm not surprised you are confused. He is behaving in a confusing manner. He is not really making his intentions clear. One thing is for sure, if he really liked you as a romantic partner, he would be making dates with you. He might be cuddling but he would be interested in other things as well. I think the fact that he's not following through with dates suggests something is amiss. What it is, I don't know, but he sounds a bit weird.
Gaeta Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 I started dating this guy. I was more for casual hook ups but he wanted to do more dates we slept together a few times and since he implied he didn't want casual after our 3rd date How did he 'imply' he didn't want casual? I think you misunderstood. I think he didn't want casual as he didn't want a fwb with you and you interpreted it as he wants a romance but what he really wanted was just friendship. That is why when you finally mentionned just being 'mates' he saw you right away. It's been about 2weeks now I'm not sure if I should give him space If you want to date this man it's not gonna happen. You better move on. When we give space to someone we give them 24-48 hours, not 2 weeks. If he doesn't get back to you in 2 weeks it's because he's gone. 1
Author Yazzy_lowes Posted July 11, 2017 Author Posted July 11, 2017 Thanks for the response, Well if we are friends now it seems weird that he stopped contacting me. And it seems weird if he wanted to hook up because he wasn't even doing that at least not on my terms anyway. Maybe his calls for cuddles meant more but judging by the last time he saw me it didn't mean more. Yer maybe something is going on I don't know about or he is playing the field or wanted to keep me by I dunno. But total mind ****!
act00 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Your writing style suggests panicked and stressed, and I think you need to stop and take a breath. Just stop. You're all over the place, but you see the signs. You want loose sex and booty calls, and he wants hugs, just hugs. These two don't mix. He can't be "just friends" with you because you have been very strong and clear you want more. You have already slept together, so for him to back-peddle to this vague, let's cuddle, be intimate but not intimate and sort-of-more-than-friends is confusing and is really screwing you up...understandably!! He's confusing. He doesn't know what he wants, and you're just going to be railroaded as he uses you through his "walk of life" and "bucket list," and unless you can accept being back-burner and accept the relationship status he has established, move on. He doesn't know what he wants. You can choose to be part of "the experiment" or not...really I think you should choose not. This one is causing too much distress.
Author Yazzy_lowes Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Yer you're right best to keep a distance! Thank you all for your advice. I dunno if I gave signals of wanting more as I thought he was just a booty call but he decided on dates etc. Then just all got messy from his side! I guess when I suggested meeting up he thought that was me thinking in terms of a relationship when I was just following his lead. Him disappearing now totally doesn't make sense. I guess me friend zoning him and having a reaction made it look like I was involved when really I was just getting confused by his actions. We were acting like friends anyway so why care to call me over and hug me? Something just doesn't add up and I did get a little flustered trying to work it all out. Thanks for the perspective. Best not to invest anymore thought into this. I can't figure him out and I don't want to anymore
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