Shining One Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I never understood this free dinner stuff. Time is money, my time is way more valuable than a free plate of food. I am doubting it was a three figure five course meal.... I don't know why anyone would want to have bad company for a "free meal".Unless you are taking your dates on a 3 figure dinner, you can all rest assured that you are not being used for a free meal While I doubt the OP was used for a free meal in this case (it's pretty rare), there are women out there who use men for free meals that are under the three figure range.
knabe Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 And that's fine for you to have that preference, but it's OK if she's not that way, too. Doesn't mean she's wrong for being the way she is. Yep. OP, if it didn't click for you that's fine, but calling her a troll because she didn't act the way you wanted her to points to a problem with YOUR attitude. An attitude that is all too common among people I see online.
RecentChange Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 While I doubt the OP was used for a free meal in this case (it's pretty rare), there are women out there who use men for free meals that are under the three figure range. That article was about one woman in the UK, and it said she was getting lavish and expensive dinners. Not a inexpensive sushi roll and a coffee. Back to the OP's story. Now.... You say that you went on a date with someone that seemed disinterested, but you went to gain experience. Maybe she did as well? You say that you wouldn't want someone hard to read. That you want someone easier - well aren't YOU rejecting her and being disinterested as well? Maybe it's a date that neither of you should have gone on. Or maybe it's one you both gained some experience on. In the end, $10 - $15 doesn't seem like much to worry over. 2
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Some people find meeting a stranger a little nerve wracking and don't know how to act or whatever. You are going to get that from time to time. Hell we get threads about it all the time from people who are new to OLD. 3
CptInsano Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 What I found to be more common are women who will have a date just for fun or the company. They are not into it for the food, but rather the attention or entertainment. But, the OP's date didn't seem all that entertained, either. 1
Popsicle Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 What I found to be more common are women who will have a date just for fun or the company. They are not into it for the food, but rather the attention or entertainment. But, the OP's date didn't seem all that entertained, either. It happens a lot today.. They might even say this also.. Hey I thought about it but we can only be friends as she is not feeling like a romance would work. That's really mean. Yet it happens. Right. I suspect this is what is happening rather than wanting a free dinner. I even have several friends who have said this to me (in regards to a man they were about to have a date with) and they weren't looking for a free dinner. A lot of women believe that a man can grow on them. 1
SammySammy Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 (edited) While I doubt the OP was used for a free meal in this case (it's pretty rare), there are women out there who use men for free meals that are under the three figure range. Actually, it's not rare. It's quite common. Women use men for dinner, drinks, and other things all of the time. That might not be the case in this situation or their personal situations, but I'm not sure why anyone is getting pissy or defensive about it being listed as an option. It happens. Edited July 12, 2017 by MidKnightDreams 1
preraph Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Going on a date for a free meal is really miserly and lowlife, but I have definitely talked to a couple of women who even before OLD would do it. I worked with one. Turns out she was a call girl on the side, but she told me she NEVER pays for dinner and will go out with anyone who asks her to dinner for the free meal. So I doubt this was this lady's reason, but it can happen. She may be under pressure from friends or family who tell her "Just go out and give a guy a chance" because they want her married off or whatever. Could be like another said she has a crap personality. Could be anything. Make first meetings just coffee or a drink, but if you do happen to take out a dedicated meal moocher, she still may grab the menu and start ordering food. 2
preraph Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 P.S. I suspect these meal moochers may be the same women who will steal anything that's not nailed down off your front porch.
Author guy45 Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Next time probably I'll probably just leave even if it's rude.
SammySammy Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Next time probably I'll probably just leave even if it's rude. I did that before when I was really young. Never did it again. It was a bad impression of me and karma is a btich. Being good to people says a lot about your character and affects how people treat you. I wouldn't take this situation seriously. The purpose of dating to learn about a person. See if you're compatible and interested in pursuing a relationship. We don't know why she bahaved as she did. But, you're not comfortable with it and she's not a match. Just move on. There is no need to be rude to her or future women just because they are not what you expect. You never know, she may introduce you to the love of your life. Be kind. To everyone. 4
knabe Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Next time probably I'll probably just leave even if it's rude. You're going to have to develop some thick skin and maturity to date. If you assume the worst about women, they will not want to date you. It's that simple. 6
SoThatHappened Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Maybe you had a boog hangin' Who really knows... learn and keep moving forward with a positive attitude. 1
Bastile Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Did you make a move? How did she react? If not, then stop complaining about her. Any date where you don't do anything is down to you. You shouldn't be left trying to figure out the way she looked at you, or used her fork whilst eating spaghetti, or whatever.
Author guy45 Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Did you make a move? How did she react? If not, then stop complaining about her. Any date where you don't do anything is down to you. You shouldn't be left trying to figure out the way she looked at you, or used her fork whilst eating spaghetti, or whatever. I'm not trying to figure it out anymore. I just wanted a few opinions. I have a job, I don't think about this all day. I don't mind hearing what other people have to say though.
Bastile Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I'm not trying to figure it out anymore. I just wanted a few opinions. I have a job, I don't think about this all day. I don't mind hearing what other people have to say though. I'm taking that as a no. Nothing to figure out. Kiss women on dates. 1
Author guy45 Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 I'm taking that as a no. Nothing to figure out. Kiss women on dates. That's terrible advice. Clearly you've never heard of body language. 2
SevenCity Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 That's terrible advice. Clearly you've never heard of body language. Actually it's excellent advice. I kiss (or try) on every first date unless they are running away (or I'm not attracted to them). To my surprise I've had about a 95% success rate. At least half of those were a complete shock with the reciprocity. As in, if I went by their body language I would not have tried at all and they pretty much assaulted me lol. Kissing a girl on a date shows you are a confident man who goes for what he wants and girls respect it. Moreover, it's a shortcut to knowing how she feels about you. Almost all these dates were from OLD and lasted about 1.5 - 2 hours. No "Meetup" or "pre date" (though important to keep the costs down). I'm consistently amazed how open women are to fooling around after knowing me for an hour when all I do is say almost nothing except asking them questions about them. 2
Bastile Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 That's terrible advice. Clearly you've never heard of body language. No mate. You are unsure of her interest, because you didn't test it with a simple compliance test. What was it again? I just assume she's not interested to save myself time. And It also has to do with preference, I prefer someone who is straightforward and easy to read. Life is too short for games and figuring out people. Keep filtering for women that jump you then. In the meantime, don't blame women for your shortcomings. 2
Author guy45 Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Actually it's excellent advice. I kiss (or try) on every first date unless they are running away (or I'm not attracted to them). To my surprise I've had about a 95% success rate. At least half of those were a complete shock with the reciprocity. As in, if I went by their body language I would not have tried at all and they pretty much assaulted me lol. Kissing a girl on a date shows you are a confident man who goes for what he wants and girls respect it. Moreover, it's a shortcut to knowing how she feels about you. Almost all these dates were from OLD and lasted about 1.5 - 2 hours. No "Meetup" or "pre date" (though important to keep the costs down). I'm consistently amazed how open women are to fooling around after knowing me for an hour when all I do is say almost nothing except asking them questions about them. That's great for you but your advice is not a one size fits all. Confidence is a small part of attraction. You could be the most confident person in the world but if there's no attraction a person will not like you. I know because I have no problem socializing or talking to other people, and I'm by no means an introvert. In fact I talk to people any chance I get. I do know however when my presence is not wanted by somebody. I don't tell myself excuses about confidence etc.. Kissing people when I just barely met them I think that's a little too much. If a person doesn't like me because of little things like this then their probably not a good match for me anyways since I hate playing games and trying to figure them out. I had a girlfriend in the past that was very tolerant of me. We didn't kiss on the first date, but we ended up having a 8 month relationship. The little things like confidence etc didn't really matter to her. Anyways, my point is I don't have a confidence issue with dating, I just have certain expectations. 1
Kellens Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I agree with the OP here. Life is too short and there are plenty of women out there, why should conversation or getting eye contact be like pulling teeth. I was always pretty talkative on dates, even if I didn't like my date too much in person, because of nerves and it seemed silly to have dead silence after we both put ourselves out there and we're out having a drink or food. I know not everyone is the same and I can be quite shy at times myself but why should he have to push her to find out why she was so quiet and acting disinterested? If a guy acted disinterested on a date and wouldn't even look at me, I would be confused and then annoyed. I'm not sure how much you tried to engage her but if you did with little response then who cares, on to the next. 1
ZA Dater Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Long story short I went on a date with a woman I met on okcupid. Can't really say from our conversations online that she sounded excited or anything more just neutral. When we met in person she had trouble making eye contact with me and was very serious and quiet. It was fairly obvious she didn't like me. I don't get it though. I put up a clear picture of who I am and how tall I am as well as what I do online. She even visited my profile twice. So why did she even bother going out with me if she didn't like me? Almost every single date I had from a dating site proved to be someone I wasn't interested in when I met them, don't feel bad. For me this just further emphasizes the weakness of OLD. Perhaps she was shy, its easy to type, it can sometimes be much harder to verbally communicate. 1
SevenCity Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 That's great for you but your advice is not a one size fits all. Confidence is a small part of attraction. You could be the most confident person in the world but if there's no attraction a person will not like you. I know because I have no problem socializing or talking to other people, and I'm by no means an introvert. In fact I talk to people any chance I get. I do know however when my presence is not wanted by somebody. I don't tell myself excuses about confidence etc.. Kissing people when I just barely met them I think that's a little too much. If a person doesn't like me because of little things like this then their probably not a good match for me anyways since I hate playing games and trying to figure them out. I had a girlfriend in the past that was very tolerant of me. We didn't kiss on the first date, but we ended up having a 8 month relationship. The little things like confidence etc didn't really matter to her. Anyways, my point is I don't have a confidence issue with dating, I just have certain expectations. And you absolutely should have expectations and do what feels right to you. But most women aren't going to spell everything out for you. If that is what you want it may take a while to find one. A good first step would be to only go out with women who are enthusiastic about meeting you. From your posts this one obviously was not. Why did you go out with her then? Did you assume because she agreed she was interested?
Author guy45 Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 And you absolutely should have expectations and do what feels right to you. But most women aren't going to spell everything out for you. If that is what you want it may take a while to find one. A good first step would be to only go out with women who are enthusiastic about meeting you. From your posts this one obviously was not. Why did you go out with her then? Did you assume because she agreed she was interested? In all honesty I was hoping she would be different in person.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 In all honesty I was hoping she would be different in person. Maybe that's your mistake. Who the hell knows why she was the way she was. Maybe her mom forced her to join a dating site and made her agree to accept at least one date a week. An Amy Farrah Fowler situation. Perhaps let this be a lesson to you. Be more discerning about your dates and aim for short casual coffee dates rather than prolonged dinner dates until you know for sure you hit it off. Good luck. 4
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