guy45 Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Long story short I went on a date with a woman I met on okcupid. Can't really say from our conversations online that she sounded excited or anything more just neutral. When we met in person she had trouble making eye contact with me and was very serious and quiet. It was fairly obvious she didn't like me. I don't get it though. I put up a clear picture of who I am and how tall I am as well as what I do online. She even visited my profile twice. So why did she even bother going out with me if she didn't like me? 1
coolheadal Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Long story short I went on a date with a woman I met on okcupid. Can't really say from our conversations online that she sounded excited or anything more just neutral. When we met in person she had trouble making eye contact with me and was very serious and quiet. It was fairly obvious she didn't like me. I don't get it though. I put up a clear picture of who I am and how tall I am as well as what I do online. She even visited my profile twice. So why did she even bother going out with me if she didn't like me? She gone out with you because she's bored and she got a free meal or whatever you did with her? Sometime they want to go out and have fun. She's not interested in you with the eye contact issue. You should have escape and left her there. Of course that would be considered rude but she use you and you spend money on a player. Just have to have to make sure she's really into you the next one don't get played by these free loafers. That's why I am not on OKC myself. I taking a break.. I doing other things. I started talking to women in ALDI's and outside too. I getting a lot of smiles best to chat them up then. LOL 1
SammySammy Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Free meal? Bored? Lonely? Maybe she wanted to be there and is just shy, weird, or awkward. Who knows? 6
Author guy45 Posted July 11, 2017 Author Posted July 11, 2017 If she wanted a free meal she should have just gotten food stamps 1
RecentChange Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 To play devil's advocate perhaps she was luke warm and thought why not give it a shot, maybe you would wow her in person. I never understood this free dinner stuff. Time is money, my time is way more valuable than a free plate of food. I am doubting it was a three figure five course meal.... I don't know why anyone would want to have bad company for a "free meal". 13
Author guy45 Posted July 11, 2017 Author Posted July 11, 2017 It was just a $7-8 sushi at most and coffee. So about $10. Gas probably cost her $2. Ugh what a troll.
Popsicle Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Long story short I went on a date with a woman I met on okcupid. Can't really say from our conversations online that she sounded excited or anything more just neutral. When we met in person she had trouble making eye contact with me and was very serious and quiet. It was fairly obvious she didn't like me. I don't get it though. I put up a clear picture of who I am and how tall I am as well as what I do online. She even visited my profile twice. So why did she even bother going out with me if she didn't like me? I don't get it either. I know lots of women who do this. I guess they have a wait and see approach
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Lord have mercy, I stopped doing dinner on first dates a long time ago! Nothing worse than choking down food and wasting precious time with someone you don't get on with or are attracted to. If I want a free meal I'll visit my parents. They always serve the best food in town. 7
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 If she wanted a free meal she should have just gotten food stamps She probably was just completely unprepared for your stellar personality and positive outlook on life and was totally intimidated. 10
Redhead14 Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Yep, the first time you meet someone from OLD in person, it's not a date. It's short meet up to confirm that they are who they say they are and look like their pictures and to determine if there is enough there to want a real date. You don't spend a lot of time or money on it. 3
basil67 Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 guy45, I am finding the assumptions that she was using you or that her poor eye contact = disinterest to be ignorant at best and ableist at worst. Has nobody stopped to consider that the poor eye contact might be an indication that something else is going on? I know a number people who have aspergers/high functioning autism. These people are intelligent, thoughtful, caring and want to engage. But their social skills, conversation skills and eye contact can be really poor. Heck, my own eye contact is pretty dodgy. Despite all this, the judgmental posters on this thread would write these lovely people off as time wasters and users. Sigh. Now I am *not* diagnosing this woman. And you certainly shouldn't feel compelled to date someone who isn't want you want socially. But I believe that one should at least consider the fact that there can be more going on than what meets the eye before casting judgement. 7
thefooloftheyear Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Basil makes a valid point....But maybe she was bored, desperate, or maybe some guy dropped her on her head and she needed a live male body to offset that deal...Or maybe your pictures oversold you....I dunno... It could be a variety of things... TFY 2
joseb Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 (edited) guy45, I am finding the assumptions that she was using you or that her poor eye contact = disinterest to be ignorant at best and ableist at worst. Has nobody stopped to consider that the poor eye contact might be an indication that something else is going on? . Exactly. I would not assume she doesn't like me from this behaviour. I think it's much more likely she is shy or perhaps is on the spectrum a little. On the flip side I've had dates be totally flirty, touching me, giggling etc, only to pull a let's just be friends after the dinner. These are the types that are more likely to be dating for entertainment. Edited July 11, 2017 by joseb 5
act00 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 YOUR impression is that she was neutral in your conversations. You have no idea what she was feeling or thinking. She could have been very smitten with you. She could have been "playing it cool" so as not to seem too eager or desperate. Lack of eye contact could stem from debilitating shyness, anxiety, or any number of situations, and I don't think you really wish to pursue this further as a result. This is her cross to bear and improve upon if she keeps losing potential mates as a result of this. I wouldn't go straight into the assumption she wasn't interested in you or she was after a "free meal." For as much as I enjoy a free meal, it's not worth maintaining conversation for 1-2 hours with someone I have no desire to meet in the first place. My thought is she's just awkward and/or shy. She was interested enough in you to meet you, but her behavior was just "off." You don't have to go out with her again, and maybe she was just after a meal, who knows, but I wouldn't leap to that assumption. In the future, plan a drink, coffee, something short. If you hit it off, you can extend an invitation for an appetizer or a meal or something else, or plan a second date, but keep it short and sweet for the first one. After 40 minutes of wine and conversation, if it's just not going well, flag for the check and call it a night.
JuneL Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Yep, the first time you meet someone from OLD in person, it's not a date. It's short meet up to confirm that they are who they say they are and look like their pictures and to determine if there is enough there to want a real date. You don't spend a lot of time or money on it. I agree. But I remember during my very brief OLD experience, there were some guys who would go on and on. Is there any way to end the first meet oganically without being a little abrupt? OP: I also vote for her being shy.
jgraham11 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 guy45, I am finding the assumptions that she was using you or that her poor eye contact = disinterest to be ignorant at best and ableist at worst. Has nobody stopped to consider that the poor eye contact might be an indication that something else is going on? I know a number people who have aspergers/high functioning autism. These people are intelligent, thoughtful, caring and want to engage. But their social skills, conversation skills and eye contact can be really poor. Heck, my own eye contact is pretty dodgy. Despite all this, the judgmental posters on this thread would write these lovely people off as time wasters and users. Sigh. Now I am *not* diagnosing this woman. And you certainly shouldn't feel compelled to date someone who isn't want you want socially. But I believe that one should at least consider the fact that there can be more going on than what meets the eye before casting judgement. Basil, I commend you for bringing this point up. So many people are quick to brush other people off for small things. Now listen if the girl is sitting there, no eye contact, checking out other guys, checking her phone constantly, one word answers, etc.. then okay maybe she's not interested. Don't go assuming she isn't JUST because of eye contact As someone who has a background in Clinical Psychology and someone who has high functioning autism I can relate to the eye contact problem. I have to REALLY work hard on dates early on in the dating phase to maintain contact. It's not that I don't want to either. I want nothing more than to look at the beautiful date that I may have, but it's just the way I am. 1/2 of Americans have some form of disorder. Whether it's mood, social, anxiety or impulse disorders. I'm not trying to turn this into a psychology course, but maybe don't write this girl off just yet. Engage her a little more and you'll have a better idea of what the deal is Heck, I know a lot of people who don't have any disorder that have a hard time keeping eye contact with complete strangers. OLD can be awkward and uncomfortable sometimes 2
basil67 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 *Shy* Yes of course!! Another very good reason why she could have appeared as she did. Guy45, out of curiosity, why did you assume she didn't like you? Could it be that you have low self esteem and were projecting? 1
Author guy45 Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 *Shy* Yes of course!! Another very good reason why she could have appeared as she did. Guy45, out of curiosity, why did you assume she didn't like you? Could it be that you have low self esteem and were projecting? Usually if a woman isn't excited around me, in this case serious and no eye contact, I just assume she's not interested to save myself time. Yes there could be other explanations but I usually don't have the patience to investigate and would rather move on. It also has to do with preference, I prefer someone who is straightforward and easy to read. Life is too short for games and figuring out people.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Usually if a woman isn't excited around me, in this case serious and no eye contact, I just assume she's not interested to save myself time. Yes there could be other explanations but I usually don't have the patience to investigate and would rather move on. It also has to do with preference, I prefer someone who is straightforward and easy to read. Life is too short for games and figuring out people. And that's fine for you to have that preference, but it's OK if she's not that way, too. Doesn't mean she's wrong for being the way she is. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Unless you are taking your dates on a 3 figure dinner, you can all rest assured that you are not being used for a free meal 3
basil67 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Usually if a woman isn't excited around me, in this case serious and no eye contact, I just assume she's not interested to save myself time. Yes there could be other explanations but I usually don't have the patience to investigate and would rather move on. It also has to do with preference, I prefer someone who is straightforward and easy to read. Life is too short for games and figuring out people. I agree that life is too short for messing about with the wrong person. But I also think it's wrong to *assume* what's going on with another person. Rather than make assumptions about how they are feeling, just made a decision based on how you are feeling.
Author guy45 Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 I agree that life is too short for messing about with the wrong person. But I also think it's wrong to *assume* what's going on with another person. Rather than make assumptions about how they are feeling, just made a decision based on how you are feeling. I agree, and some people might be wondering why I even went on the date with her if she didn't sound excited, well basically for the experience, so that I can learn from it, and I have. 2
Shining One Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 OP, there are so many potential explanations for her behavior, it's impossible to determine what happened in this situation, unless you ask her. 1
coolheadal Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I don't get it either. I know lots of women who do this. I guess they have a wait and see approach It happens a lot today.. They might even say this also.. Hey I thought about it but we can only be friends as she is not feeling like a romance would work. That's really mean. Yet it happens. 1
coolheadal Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I agree, and some people might be wondering why I even went on the date with her if she didn't sound excited, well basically for the experience, so that I can learn from it, and I have. I did Starbucks once with Russian woman she told me she won some metals in the Olympics US had boycotted. She told me she fell in love with me at the Sushi place she had picked out and ate $20 bucks worth of food. I didn't care at time. She was blonde had blue eyes my favorite. I never heard from her ever again she just fell off the grid. Just chalk these dates as a learning experience. With her I got a date right away she didn't like to drag on getting to know men. I knew she had her game on when I got there before her. She had everything all setup. She kept holding my hands and smiling at me.. It was fun when it had lasted. Just have to move on to the next one, until the right one falls in your lap! LOL
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