Jt93 Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Hi everyone, Been lurking for a while and reading others posts to try and help myself. I started a thread about 3 weeks ago about my situation. It is coming up to 2 months from my break up of a 5 year relationship and I'm just looking for some advice off people, some who maybe have been in the same situation as me. After the breakup it got a bit nasty (can be read in other thread) and we stopped contact as a result of blocking etc on 18th june. On 2nd July my ex messaged me out of the blue on facebook, which she must have unblocked me on, I couldn't block her because I couldn't find her profile, asking how I was and that she wanted to know if I was okay and that she knew I probably didn't want anything to do with her. I ignored the message and carried on. I also seen by accident that her and another boy have been liking each other's photos on facebook which hurt a lot. I wasn't even hunting for anything. I am just finding it hard at the minute, I feel very lonely and although I have a few close friends who I see often and go out every opportunity I can, I still hace bad days where I feel terrible. I have joined the gym to train for my new job starting in Feb and I try to go every day apart from Sunday to keep me occupied and most nights I am okay but there are some really bad ones. I feel like I miss the company so much and sometimes I feel like I want another person or girl with me but then I feel like I don't want that some days too. But still I haven't spoke with any females, I just feel a bit depressed. I know I am doing the right thing with NC and I believe I will keep it up but I always have the urge to message her back and see how she is doing also but that would not be a smart move. Has anyone else been through similar and got any words of advice for me ? Thank you so much in adcance and I hope this thread can also help others in a similar situation
Jagged100 Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 What you're feeling is completely normal and part of the process we all go through. Keep up your NC, it really is the only way you get the space you need to move on. Contacting your ex in any way will just open the door to more misery if you find out what she's been up to. Don't rush into meeting someone new until you're ready, and that may be next week or next year. Focus on yourself and improving on your weaknesses. You've made progress and you should be proud of yourself 2
Maldives Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Completly normal dude and there's no hard and fast rule on timelines getting over them. Everyone's breakups is different unique and complex. Ur actually doing really well because ur being pro active about the breakup and even tho u dont see it doing positive things amongst the heartbreak like keeping fit and going out that's a good thing. Keep being proactive and feel the emotions 1
Author Jt93 Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Thanks very much guys, it is comforting knowing that it is normal. No contact is hard as i dont really have anyone else who cares for me like she used to and i sort of half expect messages off her even though i know they wont come. Its the loneliness that gets me, and when them feelings occur, others start flying around my head. Im only 23, and i know i have plenty more time to find someone else but the odd thought goes through my head that i wont because i thought i was set for life with my ex, but obviously not. But im just trying to keep busy and see friends as much as possible. I dont have a clue how im going to meet other people, i think ive forgotten how to talk to girls
Spartakooty Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Sounds like you're doing the right things Jt93. Yes, your'e young and have a bright future, but I'm 45 and getting dumped still sucks. My ex treated me like a king...and then nothing. So odd. But that's what makes breaking up harder. How could someone treat me/you so well then leave? The confusion is almost worse. The breakup was harder to take than my divorce. However it sounds like you are on the right path. Don't date right now. Just focus on you...whatever she does is irrelevant. Just be happy for her. 1
Author Jt93 Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Thanks spartakooty, it is strange how people can change so quickly isn't it. 2 weeks before my girlfriend broke up with me she was asking when I was going to marry her and saying she wanted to be with me forever. She then goes on holiday with her sister for a week and comes back and doesn't want to be with me. It is crazy how much people can mess with your emotions so easy! I don't think it's right for me to date yet but like I said I am missing the company and people to talk to as I'm not going to spend week nights with my male friends all the time. But I've found going the gym helps massively, it kills so much time as well as making sure you are keeping active and healthy. Thank you for the nice words and if you need to ask anything or talk to someone im here! 1
Spartakooty Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Yep...a month before ending it she said she wanted her next move to be in with me...then done. Thing is, we aren't young and inexperienced...but if you see my OP under "45 and working through a breakup" you'll see where things went sideways.
Seth0194 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 First Jt you are doing it right, keep NC in place and keep making yourself happy, you control that not anyone else. Time Heals all things. It is hard, that lets us know it was worth it and the good memories should even mean more. Sounds like you're doing the right things Jt93. Yes, your'e young and have a bright future, but I'm 45 and getting dumped still sucks. My ex treated me like a king...and then nothing. So odd. But that's what makes breaking up harder. How could someone treat me/you so well then leave? The confusion is almost worse. The breakup was harder to take than my divorce. However it sounds like you are on the right path. Don't date right now. Just focus on you...whatever she does is irrelevant. Just be happy for her. Spartakooty, I hear you. just went through a break up, it was a short relationship about 1 1/2 years but she did everything right, if she was not perfect she was dam# near it. Then out of the blue a fight that drew it all to an end. No other relationship in my 42 years has hit me like this. Hang in there both of you better days are coming. 1
hcedrick Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 1. You can hide her facebook activity in the options just like I've been doing with my ex of 5 years, same situation as you. 2. your ex will go have sex with new guys if it's not already happening right now. it sucks, it sucks a ****ing lot. but that's the ****ing life. Concentrate on yourself and keep the no contact. One day she will regret it and may write you and at that moment keep your balls and your pride and tell her to get the **** out of your field of view. 3. profit 1
Author Jt93 Posted July 13, 2017 Author Posted July 13, 2017 I think it is too far gone to ever repair, as much as there is nothing more id love than going back though but i know i cant. I was my exs one and only, even at the age of 23 so i know if she is with someone else already that it is definately over in her head, but the fact that she contacted me to see how i was confirms to me that she is missing me and has feelings. i ignored it and she sent me a question mark the next day and as hard as it was i ignored that too. I would recommend the gym to anyone, i do not ever have thoughts of her whilst in the gym. I am just going to keep going and contributing and listening to others on LS. it has helped a lot. thanks guys.
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