IDontLikeNeko Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 so there's this guy I've been talking to since February. I met him on a dating site. I really like him, I've been trying to find out whether or not he likes me too. But this one action kinda proves that he really doesn't care.. We are friends (more or less) and he even said that he's quite indifferent towards relationships, which means that he's not really searching for someone to date. But deep down I was hoping that I could convince him that I'm someone he shouldn't let go.. So I kept talking to him, trying to be as authentinc as possible with him. There were even times where I thought he was flirting.. The thing is, he applied for a job at the military, but he got disqualified. Not sure if it's only because of that but he was very sad afterwards.. So I was there for him and tried my best to encourage him, because I (obviously) care. The reason why I'm upset right now is because I told him twice that I have a job interview today.. but now he doesn't even message me to see how it went. He doesn't show just as much care as I did with him. A guy who is truly interested would ask something like that right? I know, he could be busy. But he didn't work last tuesday, so I'm guessing he doesn't have to work today as well and even then.. if someone is truly interested they are going to send a quick message asking something like that.. But yeah.. I guess now my questions have been answered: He doesn't like me more than a friend. I'm posting this because I want to hear other people's perception of it. What do you think of my current situation? Would you agree with my assumption that he doesn't care? Actions really do speak louder than words in this case.. so Idk please let me know your thoughts
olivetree Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 You're right. He only likes you as a friend. It's been 5 months. If he was interested, you'd know 5 months ago. 4
Zahara Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Talking since February and it's gone nowhere. It's pretty apparent it's just a casual connection. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 I think he's just rude . . .nit in a mean way but in a negligent way. He doesn't care about you, about relationships, about being polite. Next. Stop wasting your time. I do hope the job interview went well 2
spiderowl Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 You have tried to show him you care and he is not doing the same for you. In a way it is irrelevant whether he likes you as a friend or more. The most important thing is he does not appear to be a caring guy. It is best to avoid people who are uncaring. 1
Whodatdog Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 I dont know that he's particularly rude, but he has no interest in you. Stop trying to force it, he's showing you how he feels. Or doesnt. 3
act00 Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Even as "just a friend," he's not really being a friend, and he really would not work as a boyfriend. It's one-sided, and I'd say he's just indifferent to the situation, and he's happy to have you around here and there and talk to you once in awhile, especially when he has something to say or needs support, but he's not invested in developing any kind of relationship, whether it's platonic and friends, or something more, because friends (or more than friends) take interest in each other's lives. There's give and take. Sometimes it's more selfish in one direction, but then it shifts, and essentially it evens out. After all this time, there has been no shift or equalizing. It's just one-sided. Your thoughts are correct. He's just not into you...not as a friend or girlfriend. You feel bad, but please know in your heart, you put in some serious effort in this guy, so it's not like you were doing anything wrong other than maybe putting in too much time, but you really have to be in the right head-space to realize, dang, this just isn't working, is it? And I think you got there. 2
stillafool Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 He's more of an acquaintance than a friend to you and is treating it as such. You should move on because if he were any way interested he would have asked you out be now. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 ...he even said that he's quite indifferent towards relationships, which means that he's not really searching for someone to date. You need to start listening to people when they tell you who they are. But instead, you thought you could change that....or did you... It's possible that you are subconsciously not searching for a relationship either. After all, there are millions of avaliable men out there and you just happen to go for one that isn't. Who he is, may be a reflection of who you really are in that respect.
Author IDontLikeNeko Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 You need to start listening to people when they tell you who they are. But instead, you thought you could change that....or did you... It's possible that you are subconsciously not searching for a relationship either. After all, there are millions of avaliable men out there and you just happen to go for one that isn't. Who he is, may be a reflection of who you really are in that respect. yeah, I told him that I'm not interested in a relationship either
basil67 Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 yeah, I told him that I'm not interested in a relationship either So why exactly are you unhappy that he's not acting relationshippy?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 yeah, I told him that I'm not interested in a relationship either Why did you tell him that? Anyway, you're right: he doesn't care about you - not in the way you care about him, anyway. A man who is interested doesn't let 5 months pass without making a single move.
Author IDontLikeNeko Posted July 12, 2017 Author Posted July 12, 2017 Why did you tell him that? Anyway, you're right: he doesn't care about you - not in the way you care about him, anyway. A man who is interested doesn't let 5 months pass without making a single move. I don't know.. it's complicated. I don't want a relationship at this current stage of my life.. I was just hoping that he would be the right guy, you know? and Idk, I guess I wanted him to care about me, because I care about him as well.. but it doesn't matter anymore, I blocked him.
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 Until you are more clear about what you want, it's going to be hard for anyone to be there for you. If you don't want a relationship, that's fine. But when you announce that to someone, you can't get upset when they don't pursue you for a relationship.
kendahke Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I guess I'm struck by the fact that he's on a dating site but isn't looking for someone to date. Why is he wasting everyone's time with that mess? He could go join meet ups and accomplish his goal of not wanting to date. I wouldn't dignify this with friendship. Even friends would ask how your interviews went. He couldn't even be arsed to do that.
kendahke Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 yeah, I told him that I'm not interested in a relationship either And you're surprised by how he's acting? He's giving you disinterest in relationship. This is how it falls out in experience. Did you want him to fawn all over you and make a fool of himself? That seems a bit cruel.
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 I guess I'm struck by the fact that he's on a dating site but isn't looking for someone to date. Why is he wasting everyone's time with that mess? He could go join meet ups and accomplish his goal of not wanting to date. I wouldn't dignify this with friendship. Even friends would ask how your interviews went. He couldn't even be arsed to do that. This can be pretty simple, he's saying that to HER because he realized he's just NOT that interested in her anymore and looking for a way out. I've used a similar line at one point in my dating career when I changed my mind for whatever reason about the person I was 'dating'. These days I prefer to be much more direct. Live and learn.
kendahke Posted July 12, 2017 Posted July 12, 2017 This can be pretty simple, he's saying that to HER because he realized he's just NOT that interested in her anymore and looking for a way out. I've used a similar line at one point in my dating career when I changed my mind for whatever reason about the person I was 'dating'. These days I prefer to be much more direct. Live and learn. ..he even said that he's quite indifferent towards relationships, which means that he's not really searching for someone to date. It doesn't sound like, from what OP posted, that he was ever interested in her.
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