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When should I?......

mccoy

By mccoy
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mccoy New Member

mccoy

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Hello all, so here's a bit of the back story. My gf and I of 10 years broke up(not a bad one, we are still friends and talk). Its taken me a year to move on and fully eh over everything, I think. So I've been dating a lot and trying to move forward with my life. Everything goes well, until we get o the part where the subject of past relationships comes up. As soon as I mention I'm fresh out of a ten year relationship I can see the interest fade and they are ready to end the date. How am I supposed to move on lol? I mean my ex has already moved on, she's already pregnant with another guys kid.

OK, so anyways. I met this amazing woman. Everything I'm looking for. We get along great, have tons in common. Its just super easy. She was a bit dubious about me recently being out of a ltr, but was willing to give me a shot. Then she suddenly backed off. Didn't talk to me for days. Then when she finally did she basically said we were one. She said I was still to codependent, or needy. I think I sent her 2 texts and called once just to see if she was OK.

So that really blew me away.

I know now that I wasn't ready to date yet, I can acknowledge that now. I feel like I am ready now. Its been 3 months since I talked to his woman. I'd like to try with her again but I don't know if its too soon. Should I call, or txt, or contact her some other way? I meed help lol. Advice and opinions would be helpful :)

mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

Posted
Posted

Maybe you are forcing yourself to have a relationship even though you don't click with the women ?

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

It's only been three months but if you now feel ready, there is no harm in telling her that. She might not believe you but you should give it a shot. A least you will know you tried.

 

I'd be a bit more vague when answering Qs about your past. I'd say I got out of a multi-year LTR a while back & leave it at that.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

I think she made up that excuse to get out of seeing you. You didn't over do it or seem needy. Tip: you don't need to give specific details. Like d0nnivian said, be vague, but not suspiciously vague. "I have been out of a LTR for awhile now, and been getting out there dating and enjoying myself". Saying things in a positive way deflects anymore probing.

  • Like 2
Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
Posted

Now you've been seperated from your ex for a year and 3 months. You feel you are ready to start putting yourself out there and I think it's time too. The question is why go back to this woman, just be in the market and date. I know it's easier for you to contact someone from your past than it is to put yourself back on the market again and meet brand new women...but it's still the best thing to do for you.

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kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

I think you've been out of your relationship for a reasonable amount of time, so I think this woman (and the women you're meeting) are using that excuse to hang fault on because they're looking for someone who doesn't exist or they're afraid of commitment.

 

A man who has been in a 10 year relationship is a man who is not afraid of commitment and supposedly, that's what most women complain about not finding with the men they meet.

 

You don't have to give them a specific time at this point in the interaction--it's enough to say you've been a free agent for a while and if they push, then ask them why they are pushing. Sometimes, they're just fishing for an excuse to find fault... because is it any worse to say "I've been a free agent for 7 years?" To other women, that's enough of an excuse to find fault.

 

As for this woman, I'd leave her at the mall and find someone else. She doesn't appreciate you--she was too busy trying to cram you into her narrative of the perfect guy who doesn't exist.

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mccoy New Member

mccoy

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Posted

Okay what all of you have said makes sense to me. Being less specific about about past relationship stuff is a good idea:)

And I suppose I am a bit hung up on this woman who so easily dropped me. I've just never had it be that easy with someone. I'll probably contact her, but have no real expectations.

I will really concentrate on moving forward and dating other people.

I appreciate all of your replies.

  • Like 2
SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted

Being single for a year is pleanty of time. But as said above don't talk about your exes. Change the subject.

 

Even in my 40s I'm still learning not to bring it up. The last girl I dated was not jealous at all so I answered her questions. Little did I realize she would bring up other stuff like "How come you did x with that one? Or how come you picked her up at home all the time and never pick me up?" Ugh.

 

My policy now is to never give any specifics at all and be as nebulous as possible. Just "Didn't work out" then change the subject.

 

Also, if you are talked about your ex for more than one sentence you will appear hung up on her. Women will use this as a test by asking about her and the more you talk the more you appear not over it.

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