Joexfm Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 So I've started dating a girl about close to two months ago and starting off, things have been great. I am 29 and have not dated in the past 4 years because I've focused a lot on my career and education. Lately it almost seems like things are fizzling out, however, my feelings always seem to come and go. When I'm away from her, I do not really miss her and don't really speak with her that much (our work schedules conflict). But then when we hang out, it is always worth it and we have a great time and all my feelings come back. It's such a back and forth thing that it is confusing. Is this something to worry about? I like spending time with the girl but this whole thing is annoying.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 This may speak more to you as a person than it does her. Introverts value their time alone very much so maybe that's you? But introverts also value persona connection when they have it. How does your girlfriend feel about the state of your relationship?
Author Joexfm Posted July 11, 2017 Author Posted July 11, 2017 Right now she enjoys it because we are taking it slow. But yeah I am very introverted and sometimes I do not enjoy the whole texting conversation. Usually when I am with her we have the best personal conversations. But other than that I definitely value my space and alone time.
michaeluad Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 It's a normal feeling and it happens to everybody. The fact is that without communication you can't have a strong relationship, so communication helps to strengthens relationship. Your feelings are coming and going because there is lack of communication in the relationship. Start calling her on a daily basis and your feelings towards her will begin to grow daily as well.
Versacehottie Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 I'm wondering if one aspect is that by compartmentalizing your career advancement and education the last several years AND being an introvert, if dating anyone is like a bit of a shock to your lifestyle as you've known it. Maybe it will just take a while to get used to? Also sometimes it's as simple as you aren't that into her. You can be in like with someone while your subconscious has a sneaking suspicion that you would never make it to love with that person. To be fair, you may be have a false sense of those feelings precisely because of what I said in the paragraph above--not being used to share your time, committing your time to another as well as a self-protective thing. I think you should go out some more with her to try to figure it out. Give it a real chance by being a bit more vulnerable and see if you "could" imagine future things with her. She may have been playing things a little safe, flat because of your reluctance too. If you give a bit more, she might as well. It goes without saying but I'm assuming your attracted to her physically, right? If that part's not there, I wouldn't try to force it, especially since you're a guy. Good luck
Author Joexfm Posted July 11, 2017 Author Posted July 11, 2017 It's actually a huge shock and somewhat scary. I've mostly throughout the years just had some really bad first dates. But nothing that has been somewhat successful until now. I'm gonna still go with it. It is still too early really to know where it is going to go and I don't want to freak myself out. I just worry cause she already is kind of a few steps ahead of me in terms of taking things seriously and that is something I do not feel ready to jump in to.
d0nnivain Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 Its just how you are. Nothing wrong with it. You don't have to be together 24/7 to make a relationship work. If you enjoy the time together, continue to do so.
Gaeta Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 I just worry cause she already is kind of a few steps ahead of me in terms of taking things seriously and that is something I do not feel ready to jump in to. What are those 'steps ahead' she is doing? How often do you see each other? Are you intimate? It would be important to explain to her your are evolving at a slower pace in the romance department. The only thing I would be worried is that you actually felt *in friendship* with this woman and not *in love* and you can't make the difference. 1
Author Joexfm Posted July 11, 2017 Author Posted July 11, 2017 What are those 'steps ahead' she is doing? How often do you see each other? Are you intimate? It would be important to explain to her your are evolving at a slower pace in the romance department. The only thing I would be worried is that you actually felt *in friendship* with this woman and not *in love* and you can't make the difference. We usually see each other at least once a week. Lately it's been a little more spaced out because I was away on vacation and she is going away on vacation this week. Each time we do see each other, we are very intimate. It is always a great time and I enjoy our time spent together. But then as we go a few days without seeing each other, it almost feels like I'm going on with my life again. I do not miss her as much as I thought I would and that's what makes me worry. While she usually expresses how much she misses me and things of that nature.
Gaeta Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 After 2 months you should be feeling like escalating this relationship to more than once a week. It sounds like she is more of a fwb for you than a girlfriend. 1
kendahke Posted July 11, 2017 Posted July 11, 2017 (edited) Right now she enjoys it because we are taking it slow. But yeah I am very introverted and sometimes I do not enjoy the whole texting conversation. Usually when I am with her we have the best personal conversations. But other than that I definitely value my space and alone time. If you want any hope of success with this, then you need to explain this to her in person so she understands who/what you are. She needs to understand before she gets in too deeply with you how you are so that your being introverted doesn't become some unnamed obstacle keeping her at bay because she will end up dumping you for someone who will arse himself. We usually see each other at least once a week. Lately it's been a little more spaced out. (W)e go a few days without seeing each other, it almost feels like I'm going on with my life again. I do not miss her as much as I thought I would . This is moving at a glacial space. I understand taking it slow, but this... it conveys that you're stuck in your ways and that doesn't bode well for a new relationship. I agree with Gaeta--this is more of a fwb. You should be way further along on the coupling spectrum at 2 months, as in you should be wanting to see more of her and be in each other's company more than this. I can tell you this: an emotionally healthy woman is going to rethink the wisdom in someone who just cannot be bothered. Time to stretch your boundaries. Here's the thing: if you're unsure of how you feel at 8 weeks in, then she and you are not a good match. You should know by now if she's got what it takes for you to throw in 100% and be present. If you were in your early 20's, I'd say differently; but you're in your late 20's and you're old enough to know if she's got what it takes for you to be bothered enough. Edited July 11, 2017 by kendahke
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